Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs

Friday night, I was trying to go to sleep but was thinking too much again. My brain had what Susan calls a "devil's thought". I starting thinking that maybe I'm not really approved. Maybe I'm what the Dr's office calls "approved" but it's not finalized yet. Maybe I still am going to have to go to a psychologist and a nutritionist and diet for weeks or months before they will approve me. I'm eating all these bad things--cake and breads because I know that soon they'll be no-no's forever. HIGH ANXIETY for no good reason. I was sent the same letter the Dr's office was sent. It says flat out that I'm approved. Devil's thought indeed.

After those sleepy time thoughts, I had nightmares. My dreams are consistently the most vivid crazy dreams. It's not often I have nightmares either. There was this really punk ass kid in the warehouse I always dream about. Here's where I messed up: I went to the guy working with the boy and offered to help. The guy wanted to go get extra help so I agreed to watch the kid until they all returned. The punk was laughing when he turned to me (the way only punk ass kids can) and I saw his mouth WIDE open and his teeth were all filed down to a point. All of them and he'd done them himself. Now I knew he was an insane punk ass. From that point on, I was a wreck inside, determined to not show it to him. I had to start playing mind games with him to keep him under control. It was icky.

Monday, I'm calling the Dr's office so I can know that I am definitely approved. Only need to have money and scheduled date. I thought this was going to be easy once I was approved. It's making me as crazy as ever.

This next week will be long. I have a week until the Dr's appointment so that will be on my mind, and we facilitators are going to have to actually work and think. We'll be putting together workshops. It's difficult to not let the mind go at this point. Usually, when it's this close to summer, you get to relax the mind a bit. We'll see how it goes. It was our plan to do it this way and see if it works. This way, we only come back 2 weeks before teachers, instead of 3.