What is up with this?

click on the picture to read

Two Thoughts I Love...

A loving person lives in a loving world.
A hostile person lives in a hostile world.
Everyone you meet is your mirror.
- Ken Keyes

People see what you do.

God sees why you do it.

That one I hear on The Message on Sirrius Radio. I think it's SO good.

I sprained my toof!

The dentist checked my sore tooth out thoroughly. This wonderful man, Dr. Hazim, is a perfectionist, so I know I'm in good hands. My tooth is not cracked, nor has the filling fallen out. It seems that the bacon bit hit that tooth's nerves and opened those puppies up. They gave me Sensodyne Pronamal to put on it several times a day. He said this will get those nerves to close up. I'm also to wear a night guard until it gets better. It is getting better already, but I think that's because it did not cost me $1,000. Dr. Hazim doesn't want me using the $40 night guard from Walgreens. He wants me using his $350 custom night guard. He brought it up again for the 8th time. He said, "I really want you to get a night guard." I said, "I really want you to pay for a night guard." The nurse smiled and clapped her hands applauding me--all behind his back.

My teeth were cleaned too. I want you to know that I could be the poster child for dental hygiene. The nurse wishes I was in her chair ALL day because I made her job "so easy". I'm telling you, I made that nurses' morning with my smart a** comments and wonderfully clean teeth.

What a difference 6 months makes! This visit cost me nothing and there was no pity in their eyes. Dr. Hazim was even showing off my implant to the nurses. (Those are NOT breast implants. I have a tooth implant.) I should've blogged all through the implant process. What a saga that was! Could've been a good made for TV movie. Maybe a Lifetime movie if I'd fallen in love with or been beaten by one of my Dr.'s.

I had a friend in college, Shelley. She LOVED those Lifetime movies. As you can imagine, I can't watch 5 minutes of them. Me and all my girlfriends live those movies. I know about the romantic scam artists; the loving teacher being falsely accused of having an affair with an underage before being redeemed when the kid (and by kid I mean jerk) admits he lied while on the stand; the responsible girl getting locked up for drunk driving; mentally ill relatives; and the husband who steals from his wife while he pretends to be someone he's not. We not only have the t-shirts, we're selling them.

It's like horror movies. Why do people watch? Life is scary enough. I can feel suspense when I walk to my car across a dark parking lot after hours at Wal-Mart. My adreniline pumps when I think a cop is pulling me over for speeding. I get nervous if I buy boots then can't remember if made the car payment yet.

Carb cravings are leaving. I think they're leaving through my intestines because they have been cramping since yesterday. Ringing the welcome bell to all the vegetables returning, no doubt. Last night I made spicy chipotle turkey burgers and they are DELICIOUS. I had them with steamed cauliflower and boiled squash and onions. YUMMY. I even brought one for lunch today with my favorite shredded lettuce for a salad. I may have black beans with one for dinner.

The Bacon Bit Bit Back

Last weekend, after Riverdance, Mom and I stopped at Chili's. Mostly because it was late and nothing else but iHop and Frisco Disco (Down Under Pub) were open. I got a cobb salad. Someone in the kitchen must've been terrified to send out raw bacon, because it was dang near charcoal. No, charcoal would've actually broken apart. This had gone past that to diamond. So I bit down on a diamond of a bacon bit and hurt my tooth. I thought it was just kind of sore but now it hurts. I will find out in the morning how bad it is--and by bad I mean how much money it will cost. The pain is bad enough that I thought I'd take some of the vicoden I have left over from my sinus illness last year. Now I'm floating around and my ears are popping. Watching a movie is probably the best thing for me. Or petting Lolly...or maybe just staring at that spot on the wall and thinking about it all...

I got my hair cut last night (finally), and Jim, who cuts my hair, just had kidney stones. He’s 3 years older than me. He was wondering what happened to the days when we were younger and things just went away. You just waited and it would take care of itself. Now it gets worse. I had been hoping that maybe that bacon bit just wounded my tooth. Jim assured me I was wrong. It was jacked up and not going to go away.

First day of detox is over. It went well. The good thing about it all is that I love healthy foods too. I just have to get back into the habit of eating them again. I cooked up some squash and onions and some cauliflower so that I have those ready to go in the eve. When I eat good food, my lap-band has an opportunity to work. I eat the meat first and fill up very quickly. A year of "working around the band" has gotten me nowhere.

If you've been with me at all in the past year, you know that party foods are the easiest for me to get past the band. Seems horribly unfair, doesn't it? If you think a lapband will take away all the hard part of dieting, you are sadly mistaken. Chinese food is still not an option, but really crispy thin crust pizza (on a good day) is. Chips and queso? EASY as long as the chips are the thin ones. Cheese grits will go down if you have them after coffee has loosened the band up. Cookies and most cakes--not a problem. Booze? Well, hide and watch, friend. I could go on and on. So you see, losing weight with a lap band does take dedication and work. If you're reading this because you're interested in a lap band, please understand that the good stuff is really good stuff once you have a band because it's delicious AND you can eat lots of it. Wish me luck on day two of the two week detox, friends. And that dang toof.

There, but for the grace of God, go I

When you are complaining about how dirty your house is, or how expensive a home repair is, or how your blue carpet is out of style, etc., at that moment, imagine how beautiful and luxurious your home would be to someone who lives on the streets sleeping on cardboard. Imagine how a homeless person would view your situation. I imagine they would be so happy to have the privilege of waking from sleeping in a bed and putting their feet down on your outdated carpet, or to be able to have a home with a squeaky staircase, or whatever. This thought changed my entire perspective on the blessings God gives me--even the blue carpet. We forget how good we have it. I've thought before, when I was out of coffee at home, that it was just horrible to have to wait to get to work to have a cup. I could be living in a plastic tent camp. Thanks to the Lord that I'm blessed to have a warm, nice home with comfy beds and room for friends, family and dogs.

What a lovely, lovely day it's been

Click on the pictures one by one for a larger view where you can read those tiny words.

Lovely quiet day at the house. I got lots done, including decorating with all the killer deals I've gotten lately. LollyMolly napped and ate.

Cheese, Vodka, Butter, Chips, Jesus and Laughing Gas

This week, as I've eaten cheese, butter and chips washing it down with vodka and hot chocolate, I've been thinking. Why am I me? Why am I different, yet so many parts of me are still the same stubborn parts. Why won't all the hot chocolate dissolve even when there's rum and almond liqueuor in there. Why do my jeans still fit? (That one I figure is due to the magic of spandex in the denim.) I've also been miserable and unhappy with myself. I've been a bit grumpier than usual and I know it's because I'm not taking care of myself. Why the sabotage on my own personal joy?

Even with all these thoughts, I've been driven to terribly bad food for a while and it's snowballing. It scares me. The thing about my faith is that I have believed that Jesus has it covered if I'll ask for help and be looking and listening. What was scary was me being in the equation.I was getting scared I was going into hiding from Him again. Old behaviors come back so easily. I want the thoughts I had at 300 lb's, the ones that left me feeling depressed, angry and unloved, to go to the bottom of the ocean. And why can't that happen?

I love the time driving to Denton for church or choir practice. I listen to good music and pray. It's built in devotional time for me. This Wednesday I heard a song that talked about how none of the old me has to remain at all. I can happily let that go. I want to be the real Sara all the time. I was made to be loved for love's sake not for anything I've done or will do. Not losing all the weight yet doesn't have to be a weapon I use to beat myself up. It certainly does not mean I have to accept defeat and gain weight.

Those are all the deep thoughts I've had lately. This morning, I knew what I needed to do. My liver is not sexy. I have to get my liver sexy again!! I've got to detox for a couple of weeks to lose these cravings. Nothing nutty. Only good, very low carb foods for a couple of weeks. I'll lose the bloat, and maybe a pound or two; I'll lose the cravings for the carb loaded stuff too.

This weekend I have no solid plans. I'm going to relax. I'll prepare my cupboards and my mind for the switch. I am going to Walmart later to prepare for this. I think part of why Walmart is a drag is that noone is happy to be there--outside of a couple of teens who finally saved up enough for that new video game. Maybe if they put laughing gas in the air it would be a better experience. Well...DUH! That was a ridiculous statement, wasn't it?

Speaking of laughing gas....It had never made me laugh. It certainly would throw me a fine buzz, but never laughing. Until my tooth implant surgery that is! I was a laughing mess. I'm talking full on Sara cackle. I turned to the staff in the surgery room and told them that I finally understood why it's called laughing gas! I also apologized for being so ridiculous. Not long after that I was given the magic shot and was OUT. The surgeon told me I talked during the surgery and they'd never seen anyone do that before me. I probably had jokes. Hilarious things I had to say -- anesthesia or not. My humor must be heard! I woke and was told that I would not be able to eat with my "flipper" (cute word for fake tooth) in, I was no longer laughing, but crying. I always thought it was hard to feel cute on crutches. That's a breeze compared to self esteem when you are missing a tooth in the FRONT of your mouth. Less sexy than a stiff liver.

Like many things, it's all because I wore high heels

I'll get back to the high heels in a second.

My yearly physical did not go well. Not at all. It's become depressing to go to the Dr. What's interesting is that in order to get medicated for depression, you have to visit the Dr. See how that works? The good Dr. told me that I'm fat, old enough to never miss a mammogram (old) and "as we speak your arteries are clogging." I've been bummed for two days now. Another funny thing about all this. When I'm bummed, I want to eat. See how that works?

I've lived my life as if I'm on vacation. To steal Mr. Fair's words, no one has ever cheated me out of a good time. I've prided myself on this. What has it gotten me? A terrible body, bad blood and iffy boobs. There is also something going on in my pelvis. It hurts when I move it and it hurt when the Dr. poked around on it. I'm convinced it is lupus or MS or something equally as horrible. Dr. laughed at that but drew some extra blood to check anyway. He offered me prednisone to help but I took a non steroidal prescription. Probably not lupus based on the prescription. You never know though!

I had planned to go to the store after work. I was going to hit Wal-mart (only because I need my oil changed and tires rotated), unfortunately, I wore high heels to work today. Maybe you can shop big groceries in high heels, but I'm just not that good of a woman. Plus, there's the whole lupus in the pelvis situation. Wouldn't want to exacerbate that, now would we? So, I had a good excuse to go home, get in my pajamas and paint my nails. I feel like I did before I started the big diet in 2008--I'm panicked to eat everything I enjoy really quickly before starting. I realize this is ridiculous, but it eases my mind somehow. Yes, somehow packing on a few last minute pounds makes me feel better. Let's not go into that though. Therapy wore me out already in this life. Let's leave it and walk away.

So, friends, my blog will live again. I will write to amuse and inform you with my dieting and my life. I feel it's better to blog and if you give a flip you can tune in. If you don't give a flip then why are you here anyway?

Will she go to the store and buy heart healthy food tomorrow or will she eat the leftovers still in the fridge? (money is money after all and food ain't free!) Stay tuned to find out...