Fill #2

Fill #2 was Friday. The Dr. there at the Fill Shack told me it would be my biggest one ever. From now on, they'll just be bumping me up by 1-2 cc's. I found out that my band holds 10 cc's and now it is at 5. She said I still might not feel as much restriction as it will come to, but that we have to take it slow. Something about eating and not hurting myself...blah, blah, blah, just fill the band, bitch!

I had an appt. at 8:15 and needed to get to work (late) just after that. The principal at the school in need understood what was going on, but this particular campus had not seen me the whole 3 weeks I'd been back. They needed me and I was stressed about getting there.

My blood pressure has always been a source of pride for me. Even with my heart banging away double time for years now, that ol' blood pressure has been perfect. I get a pat on the back at every Dr's visit. So, you can imagine my surprise when I was told my blood pressure was up Friday morning. I explained that it could be because I feel the pressure to get to work-- they need me, they really do need me! The tech guy said, okay, let's take it again. He did. It was HIGHER! He said we'd stick with the original number. Now I was reaaaally stressing.

When the Dr. came in to put the juice in the band, she couldn't find it. She'd given me the deadening shot already, so we hustled into x-ray. She found it and juiced her up. I have been able to tell a difference and look forward to my next fill in less than 2 weeks. I oughtta feel a real difference then.

Took one day off from South Beach, then jumped right back on the wagon. I FORGOT TO TELL YOU--I'd lost another 8 pounds! That South Beach diet really does work and I enjoy the foods. It's real food, what's not to like? I was telling Susan the other day that I think I can stick to it now because having this surgery, I was prepared for my diet to change radically and permanently. Even though I can still eat most things, my brain was prepared to not do so; therefore, the diet is livable for me.

There were about 5 women all chatting like a support group in the waiting room. I was so glad and I joined in. We all were at different stages in the process, so it was interesting. There was even a woman there to have some juice taken out of her band, so we ran the gamut. Some said they could no longer eat salads, none of them could eat eggs. I learned that when going out to eat and your band is fully restricting, buying a tea or other drink is a waste because you can't drink even close to the full thing. Lots of information like that. I enjoyed talking with them. A lady had just bought a belt at a "regular" size store. She said,"It may be on the last hole, but I'm in it!" She was having trouble getting the water she was sipping post fill to go down. I might see her again having some taken out.

Hope you're enjoying your day! 8 more pounds, bitches!!!!

Cool, but check out the dude's fingernails!

I've Gone Nuts

I have my second fill tomorrow. If you'd been sitting beside me, you'd have heard me sing that with great jubilation. Bring on the fills!

If you've been following along, you've discovered my insanity by now, so the following statement should not come as a shock. I'm having anxiety about my appointment tomorrow. The fear is that they will tell me I'm there on the wrong date/time or they'll take forever to call me back and I'll be late for work.

What I need to know is this - Is everyone else as nuts as I am in their own little way, or am I truly nuts. I'm certain there are chemicals to help me feel better, but those also make you gain 20 lbs a year, so that ain't happening! (remember that from the psychologist months ago? that information slapped me against my fat cheek!) I wonder if married people don't obsess on these weird thoughts because they can voice them to their spouse who in turn can tell them to shut up and quit being stupid. There's never anyone here to tell me I'm stupid. And that's my whole problem.

I have another anxious friend with lots of issues about lots of things. (you, and several others, know who you are) She is single. Maybe she needs someone to tell her to shut up and quit being stupid. Oh, wait. Nevermind. We already do that and she tells us she knows it's stupid but can't help it. NEITHER CAN I!I am stupid and know it, but I can't quit.

No! You know what? I'm not stupid. The fear has some meat behind it. The last time I got excited about getting the band filled, I ended up a disappointed Bongo (see below) crying in my car in a parking lot on the phone with my surgeon's office. There is definitely reason to be worried.

Okay, WHEW! Got that whole mess worked out. See the beauty of journaling?

To recap:

fill #2 tomorrow

anxious

not crazy

It's Happening, people!

I went to put on an outfit today that fit me in June. The pants are hanging off of me! I was so excited all day. The shirt has gotten so much bigger that I had to wear a cami underneath it. Myboobs used to fill it out. It still fits though, but fits better. My legs, but and hips are shriiiiiiiinking. All day I just kept thinking, "This is really going to happen."

It may sound crazy, but I've had some trouble believing that I'm going to be successful. I doubt it all the time, but I keep chugging ahead. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it, but when you've had a lifetime of ups and downs and disappointments it's expected I guess. Just two days ago, I got excited for a minute, then my brain told me not to do that. It said that this too might not work. It was SURGERY to band my stomach and I'll believe it when I see it. Isn't that nuts?

I'm super proud of myself. The band isn't restricting me yet. I have been on South Beach phase 1 since 3 weeks before the surgery. I have broken it a few times for medical reasons and twice for kicks, but it's working, regardless of those breaks. Last weekend at Melissa's I even had some chicken pizza from Pizza Hut and a piece of sweet Tatum's birthday cake. The next day, right back to phase 1. I guess I really was mentally ready for all this. That makes me happy.

Watership Down

My apartments really do have beautiful grounds. I am lucky to have the best view outside of the apartments that overlook the golf course and ponds on the golf course. The bunnies seem to like it too. This evening, sweet Emily has been wanting to go on the patio or on the front porch to smell more than usual. I looked at the hill out in front of my apartment and there are four, possibly 5 bunnies. Two were babies. The one in question could be a maple leaf. We have some maple trees and their leaves turn really dark. I always think they are poop when I'm walking!

There was one baby bunny up on the hill and another dark lump up beyond. It was the bunny in question. Two bunnies were sitting together and one of them kept laying its head down to sleep. So sweet.

Emily thinks it would be sweet to kill and eat them. I finally gave her a magical Dingo bone to get her mind off the delicious meat sitting outside the door.

No lap band news. Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I'll have my second fill this Friday.

No Joy in Saraville

I went for my fill today and it didn't happen. They had cancelled it when we set up all the other ones even though the Dr. or nurse (not sure what level of ed. it takes to poke in some saline) said to go ahead and keep it. It was a hot mess. I left. What could I do? I couldn't huff and puff and make them give me saline. Once in the car, I phoned them back again because I remembered that the medical saline person had said to keep the appt. They said there is no way because Dr. Fox would NEVER allow me to have another fill only 11 days past the other one.

I called bullshit on that one and phoned my surgeon's office. They'd said I had to wait 3 weeks for my first fill, but did that one super early too after speaking with my surgeon's office. I thought it was time we were all on the same page. Well...while speaking with my beloved Andrea at Dr. Fox's office, I broke down and cried. It amazes me how much I've pinned on all of this. I'm getting tears in my eyes now thinking about it. I think it's because this is not just a diet. It's my whole life. I've changed my body in a way which requires a different lifestyle. It's so much more emotionally than I ever thought it would be. So I've gone through all this after years of being a fat ass. CAN A GIRL JUST GET SOME SALINE IN HER FRIGGIN' BAND, PLEASE?

Dr. Fox called me back. He said that he really didn't care if I had it this early, but he can't make them give me an appointment. He was, of course, sorry about the confusion. Really though, this office is not his directly. He shares the surgery center with 3 other dr's and his office is way across town. UNFORTUNATELY, they do not do fills at Dr. Fox's office.

I love his office staff. When I went for my initial visit, there was the usual paperwork to fill out. On the line where you're to put what name you'd like to be called, I put "The Goddess." They have actually called me The Goddess since the first time they ever called me into the examining room. I love people who play along.

Today as I sadly waited in my car for the Dr. to call back, I perused the internet on my Blackberry. I'd googled the surgery center to get their number when I phoned them back. The website has a bio on all 4 Dr's who use that surgery center. Guess what I found out? I picked a winner! Dr. Fox was voted one of Dallas' best bariatric surgeons in D magazine 2007 and 2008. I did not know that when I chose him, but feel even more certain that I'm a genius.

In news not about me that you may or may not want to know:

My best friend from high school, Nina B., found out today that her first grand baby is going to come out a boy!! Since she had two girls, they're very excited and I am too. Nina and Thomas married at 17 because they wanted to. Four months later, Nina was pregnant. Once her youngest leaves home, Lord only knows what will happen. Nina and Thomas might become swingers or develop some hobby like raising orchids. I can only imagine. :) I love you, Nina B. Nina has a house and lineage. I have a dog. Funny how life can take you different places.

Had my first uh-oh! with the band...

I was having a bad morning. Everything I went to do took 3 times as long as it normally would. Due to the funkiness of the morning, I was running late. No time to cook breakfast. While I was getting ready, I decided to let a couple of eggs boil. Once I was ready, bags in hand, I stood at the sink and hurriedly (right here is where I messed up) at a boiled egg. You can't hurry with a band. Even with a band that is not even close to full restriction.

You know that feeling when a tortilla chip goes down wrong? You have a second or two where you think you're going to die, then it passes. Go back to that spot in the process where you think you're going to die and stay there. That's exactly what it feels like to have a lap band and get food stuck. I felt it happen but thought it would pass in a bit, because it always has. I jumped in the car.

Before I'd even turned the key in the ignition, the spits started. Thank goodness my nutritionist and a vlogger (video blogger) on youtube had both talked me through this. The vlogger actually had her boyfriend tape her with the spits. Gross but educational and I was so happy to have witnessed it prior to experiencing.

My nutritionist explained it this way - your body is essentially trying to slime the caught food in order to help it down. You know how when you're about to vomit and your jaw locks, you lean over the toilet and TONS of saliva pours out of you? It's just like that without the jaw locking and nausea. Replace those with that peaking pain of a stuck Dorito chip. I did not freak out and am sure I would've. I was so miserable though!

Your instinct is to gulp water to get the food down. This is a no no. All that does is add pressure to the situation and make it hurt more. THIS information alone from the nutritionist made her $100 fee worth it. Totally $100 dollar's worth of info to not make the pain worse.

Back to the story. I'm in the car and the spits start. I realize that this is it. This is my first time to have any trouble with the band and I get out of the car. Did I mention I was already running late? BAD MORNING, people. [SKIP THE REST OF THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU ARE WIMPY. ] I stood at the kitchen sink and spit up an amazing amount of foamy, slimy spit. It just kept coming and coming. Like when a dog with an empty stomach gets sick on the carpet and you have to clean it up. It's all just slime. Well...now I know how to make my own. The egg that felt like a Dorito hurt so badly and I wondered how long until it stopped.

After a few minutes, I could tell that it was on the move, and the pain wasn't so bad that I wanted to die. I decided that since I was already late for work, I'd better get in the car. I was not feeling pretty by any means and was angry at myself for eating so quickly.

On the drive, the spit continues to come, but not at such an alarming rate. I'm afraid to swallow it, because I don't want it to make it hurt anymore than it already does. Every once in a while, I would let a little go down to aid in the passing of the egg. Slime that thing down and let it go down the chute! I hadn't thought to bring a spit cup along, but sure do wish I had. On the tollroad, my cheeks were full of spit. This was after about 5 minutes--cheeks FULL of spit. Like chipmunk full. And this was a slowdown from before, remember. So that was another lesson learned. If in car with the spits, have something in which to spit or you're not gonna be driving happy.

Once I exited the tollroad, I considered opening my door to release it all into the street. However, it was early in the morning and I really didn't want to gross anyone else out. Miss Manners said to be thoughtful of others and I was trying. By the time I was close to my destination, the food passed and I could swallow again. I went into work with tears in my eyes. Thankfully the day got better from there.

Friday evening I had friends over for an Olympic Opening Ceremony watching party. We barbequed and had a good time. I even decorated and baked a gooey butter cake! Wasn't the ceremony something else? Really an amazing thing to see. Would've been wonderful to have been there live. I couldn't tell you my favorite part because it was all so fantastic. Cirque de Soleil style.

Fill number 2 is tomorrow afternoon. This morning, I went to brunch with Cindy and her parents. Her daddy treated us. We sat and visited for 2 and 1/2 hours with wonderful food and a pitcher of sangria and one of pickled pear margaritas. We didn't finish either pitcher, but they were both yummy. I allowed myself the sugar in those, and in the bread pudding and cobbler (shut up, I know) because I'm not sure I'll ever again be able to slip those down.

Other than this weekend, it's been Phase 1 of South Beach all the way. I think I'll just continue the pattern - liquids the day of fill, two days of mushies then South Beach phase 1 until the next fill. If I'm going to break Phase 1 rules, it will be just before the fill because I have to break it then anyway for the liquid diet. I've been successful so far with this so let's keep rockin' it.

I put on a shirt today that I'd not worn all spring and summer since last year because I knew that it didn't fit. Back when it did fit, it FIT. Know what I mean? Anyway, I thought I'd try it today. IT WAS BIG ON ME! I had to wear a cami shirt underneath it it was so big! Fireworks went off and bluebirds came and sat on my shoulder singing sweet songs of weight loss. Another month and I don't think it will fit at all.

What's On My Mind

I enjoy writing. Especially when I know my audience is you. You have told me that you've missed my writing and I'm flattered. The thing is, work is messing up my flow. I normally have a routine down. It's not in August though. Meetings, trainings (attending and giving) and the like make for a bumpy schedule. I'm taking time before bed tonight to write.

My favorite way to be on the laptop is to be on the floor or bed on my stomach. People tell me often that this is unusual, but I can be in this position typing for hours. I proved this in grad school. Now that the stomach isn't nearly as tender inside, it's possible for me to lay like this again and write. I just can't narrow my subject down.

Here's what's going on in my head, all of which I've wanted to write about:

• Will people believe that I'm trying to jinx our athletes with the silver star balloon (that floats along side the US flag balloon I bought for the Olympic Opening Ceremony cookout at my place tomorrow) ? They didn't have a gold already blown up and they looked great together. I told the girl at the shop I didn't want the "Proud to be an American" balloon she offered but was quick to add that it wasn't because I wasn't proud to be an American. There certainly are those moments though...

• Why don't people pick up their dog poo when everyone knows that the mounds of poo outside their apartment is from their dog and their lack of responsibility?

• There's a teacher who always wears gold nail polish. She has for years. Gold, metallic nail polish. She told me she does so because it goes with everything. I beg to differ. First off, her skin tone. It no matchy the gold tone. I'm just saying. I saw her today and she was wearing it again. I mean, she was still wearing it. Maybe she'll balance out my silver balloon with those nails.

• I love the way a dog's feet smell like Frito's. (By the way, Frito's was in spellcheck on Blogspot. I'd misspelled it fritos. My bad.)

• I was told at lunch the other day that maybe I should open up a sexiness coaching business named Sugartastic Sara Smooth's Sexiness Coaching. My eyes lit up. I wanted to blog about it and let my imagination run. I've been pondering all the funny possibilities of it when suddenly I realized that if there really were such a thing (and there probably is) I couldn't do it. I'd be so annoyed that the person didn't "get" it that I'd be ticked off all the time. Like the father of the man to whom I was once engaged told me, "Some people either "have it" in the sexy department and some people don't and never will." Unfortunately, his son did not. When we were kissing hot and heavy for the first time (me and the son, not the father, silly), I had to stop and ask him, "Do you have a tongue?" He said he did. I told him to Prove It! He told me he didn't like to French kiss, that it reminded him of lizards and such. I was 22 and hot, he was 30 and obviously repressed. Why did I not get up and walk away right then?

• I think I've lost more weight. I'm excited to have my next fill on Monday. I think eating is really going to start getting different after that one. Restriction cometh.

• Have you ever been having a one sided conversation with someone and the entire time they are speaking, you're saying in your head, "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up..."? Yeah, me too.

• When I ponder on Life Before Air-Conditioning in Texas, I consider that my family is from Texas from forever. I'm true blue Texan. Did the first of my family who came here stay because they were hearty, determined people, or because they were too poor to bolt the hell out of the God forsaken heat, or because they were too crazy to notice? Have me walk through a parking lot and I'm bitchin' like I'm on a death march in a Polish winter. How did they do it? Are mud huts with grass roofs really that much cooler? And no ice. No refrigerator. Just consider it, people. Makes no sense.
• I'd have made an awful Pioneer Woman. My husband would have shot me for whining in the summer. The entire summer I'd be talking that there has to be somewhere we could go where it wasn't so unbelievably hot in the summer. I'd not have my magic sweat pills so I'd have been damp 24/7 with probably a rash under my boobs--no bra and all. You've got to think about this from every angle. Cooking in this heat! Lordy! My standard answer to "What's for dinner?" would've been, "Pickles, bitch. I am not lighting a fire." He'd have killed me and buried me in the barn.

The Forecast...

This next week is going to be about like this. How perfect that I'm going to be back at work. In and out of places. But I won't be sweating horribly, because I have a miracle pill. I have many of those, actually. It's very early and I'm going to bed. I'm getting old. Can't handle a couple of margaritas.

Got my First Fill

I got my first fill 2 weeks early! I couldn't believe Dr. Fox said okay, but they let me get it. Here's how it went down.

This is done at the surgery center, where I had the procedure done. This is a whole different office though. They may have explained that during surgery, or not. I was looped at the time, so I wouldn't know. I was told I was in the wrong place and went around to the right one.

I was there at 7:15 am. In Richardson. I was not at my sharpest. I'm not a cracker jack until about 10 am.

A nurse takes me into the little room. Lots of rules, do's and don'ts, took my vitals. Then a dr. comes in. She gives more rules, do' s and don'ts. Then she says she is going to have to stick a needle in and press around with it until she is able to find the port. She asks if I'd like a numbing shot before she begins. This is like asking me if I'd like a cocktail after a hard day at work. Hell, yes I want the numbing shot. If you've got it, poke my belly with it!

I lay down on my back. The Dr. puts a pillow in the arch of my back, so my belly is sticking out. (shut up, I know it sticks out anyway.) She gets to poking around on my belly finds it and puts some saline in. That was it.

When she sat me up, she tells me that I'm still not going to feel much restriction. This was disappointing and I knew it would be 2-3 weeks before they'd let me have another fill. I want it at the sweet spot where I can only eat a few bites. This takes several fills. They don't just squeeze it all in there, unfortunately. Probably has something to do with health. As if!

So she and I were discussing how many and when to schedule all my fills when I went back up front. I explained that my original first appt. was on August 11th and asked if I could keep it. She said, "Oh! That's too soon." I looked her in the eye, she took a second, then said, "Let's do it anyway. Go ahead and keep it and schedule two more, two weeks apart from each other." SWEEEET! Made me so happy.

After every fill, you have to sit in the waiting room and sip water for 30 minutes making sure all is clear. They do this in case they put too much in and you can't get the water down. That way you don't have to come back to have some removed. There was a lady in the waiting room who had a fill last Thursday, but it turned out to be too much. She was having all the symptoms of being over filled--coughing and pain in the chest. Not fun.

I am to be on all liquids today--the "full" liquids, not just broth. And mushies the next two days. Well, I had Kim over for lunch today with her kids. I made my favorite chicken/cashew salad for us. Corny dogs for the kids. I went ahead and tried a little, because the Dr. said I probably wouldn't feel any restriction until tomorrow. The food went down fine, so I ate about a cup of it.

Last night I had fish tacos and margaritas. I had still lost a pound by their scale. I had to get up so early today after having margaritas last night. Rough. I'm not very funny today. I'm really tired so that's all I've got for you. Well, there is this - The first lady of France is a freaky looking human. She looks like an alien to me.