The No List

There is some new stuff on the NO List. To make the NO List, a food has caused me enough pain, usually for 3-6 hours, that I will never go back. Once you've experienced a NO List food this way, you lose your appetite for it. People wonder how I can survive without the wonderful things in life like bread. It's sort of like breaking up a bad relationship that used to be a really good one. You miss the relationship when it was a good one and do remember the good times; however, you recognize that is not the relationship you would have with him now. Allow me to correct myself. It's EXACTLY like that. I miss General Tso and his chicken, but there ain't NO way we'd have the same love affair!

Here is the list as it stands.

No List:

Chinese Food
Courtney has informed me that MSG swells in the stomach to make you feel more full. That would be a NO! I've tried two things that I thought would work and they did not. Not at all.

Scrambled Eggs
Scares me just thinking about it. Eggs are tricky. Sometimes, I'll fry a couple and only eat the yolk. The white stuff can mess a day up!

Pork
I had to leave work and barf slime 4 times before the pork and I broke up.

Bread in any form
About two fills ago, I had a certain roll dipped in barbeque sauce, and it worked. I tried that again Sunday. 6 hours later, I realized that bread and I are done. I never want to see bread again.

Carrots
Orange bits of rock blocking band.

Raisins
Small and evil. Just the perfect size and strength to block a small opening. If you just got banded and are reading this, trust me.

Microwaved meats
Expecially left over chicken. It never works and scratches the side of your stomach as it goes down slooooowly.

That leaves many foods to enjoy. The thing I've been enjoying the most is thin tortilla chips and queso. Goes down so good! I can also still enjoy corn tortillas which I've always loved, so I'm happy. Much of the Mexican food can still be enjoyed. Sometimes you deeply need some good Tex-Mex. I eat refried beans often. Also, light vienna sausages and cottage cheese are favorites. A week ago I was down 54 lbs. I need to get back to all protein because I lose weight so quickly on that. Since so many vegetables are difficult to eat, it gets boring. It's been about a month of just eating what I can. Time to refocus. I know I can do better.

I did finally purchase some pants that fit. They are 4 sizes smaller than what I'd been wearing. When I wore them to work this week, people finally could see the difference. People had been saying how much thinner my neck and face look, but never mentioned anything else. It's because they really couldn't see it. I was swimming in my clothes. Jewry comes this weekend and we're going to go get me some more things. I have no idea what top size I wear, but it is NOT the size that is in my closet.

Speaking of clothes too big, I did go as a Polygamist Yearning for Zion LDS woman to Halloween parties all last weekend. Cindy was my "sister wife" and her fun boyfriend, David, was our husband. We called him "father" all night. The entire story, with pictures to illustrate, will be unfolded for you Sunday night. My dress was about 5 sizes too big. I wanted to show off my recently excavated waist, then realized that wasn't very modest of me.

Miss me?

I'm back. It's just been so busy that I've not had time to be thoughtful and write. Tonight is the night though. I have found that I've missed writing, even though there's not been time nor inclination when time does allow. All the stars and planets have aligned tonight so that I can sit down and write the news and my thoughts.

First, let's talk lapband, shall we? Let's. I've lost 50 lbs. YEA ME! They are very proud of me at the "fill station". The dr. there told me that they couldn't ask more from me. I'm right on track. I greatly appreciate knowing this because I do, about once a week, take a day or two to eat chips and queso. Yes, chips go down quite easily and the queso and margarita helps. Seriously. I soak the chips in the queso, they soften then I drink the margaritas with them. Drinking, as many of you may remember, is a no-no. I feel like I'm being bad when I drink and eat and I guess I am.

My sweet tooth is gone. Very rarely do I crave something sweet and when I do, one or two bites takes care of it. WEIRD! I don't understand the magic, but I accept it. I've now had 4 fills and I think we're getting there. With this latest fill, I can eat about 3/4 cup of food before it hurts my chest. I should probably stop 1-2 bites before I do. I just had it Thursday and still am not to solid meats, so definitely in the learning mode. Learning=Pain.

After each fill, I'm convinced I'll never be able to enjoy food again and have a night of pain and sadness. Don't feel bad for me though--it's just part of the process I think. After 4 fills, I have seen the pattern. It's kind of like when you're PMS-ing and insane. You know that it's a momentary insanity (although some of us have to write letters to ourselves to remind us that it is the hormones. I'm not going to name names ((really)), but I have a friend who would get so insane with her PMS that she wrote herself a note to be handed to her by her boyfriend when she was in crazy mode. This note was from my friend to herself. If memory serves me, which is always questionable, the letter reminded her that she was insane from hormones only and asked herself to calm down. This could be a Seinfeld episode.) So I have an evening of being distraught while I'm in pain from eating soup, let's say. The next day, I begin to heal a bit more and the sun starts to come out. Today was a better day, but Saturday night, I had my first full fledge puking. NOT your regular deal here either.

I had soup for dinner on Friday night at Chili's. Chicken enchilada soup--devine! It was so good that I ordered two more orders of it to go. I successfully ate it for lunch on Saturday, then was having it for dinner and it was a no. A big, big NO. So there I am in horrible pain, spitting slime into a cup for an hour and a half. I go ahead and get ready for bed, lay down to watch tv. I know I'm going to be exhausted when it finally passes. After a while in bed, I start coughing. Cough, Cough, Cough PUKE! All over my sheets and comforter. I didn't care that I had to clean the bed, the pain was gone!

I can only imagine the freak show that the first lap band person must've lived. I'd have thought I was dying if I didn't know someone before me had been successful at this business. Crazy Crazy stuff, friends. With this last fill, I'm not completely sure what the yes and no list is these days. I'm going to be eating mostly mushies for another week. That soup incident fuh-reaked me out. (Remember, I go into detail for those of you curious. If you aren't curious, skim on.)

No clothes in my closet fit me. None. Every pair of pants I own that I can get into can be taken off without unbuttoning them. If they have to be unbuttoned to be removed, I can't get my butt into them. I have maybe two shirts that are flattering. I'm smaller than people know I think but you can't tell because my clothes are all so big. I'm not buying until I absolutely must. Getting close to that point. Happy problem to have, I suppose.

I bought a Wii system and some games. I rationalized it by saying that I won't buy a gym membership and the games will get me off the couch some. I did buy Dance Dance Revolution Hottest Party. I'm cool like that and I have hot parties. Hot parties where we bounce around like dorks. Sexy, hot, partying dorks. My neice and nephew are going to love it. I think my 'rents (that's parents) will enjoy it more than they know.

Let me tell you about painting. It sucks hot wind. SUUUUUCKS. Never again. One wall is Pool Party blue, the other is Island Orange. I adore the colors. They are exactly what I'd envisioned. Island Orange took a primer coat then a gallon and a quart of paint and it still could've used two more coats. I surrendered to the wall. It won. Looks grrrreat, just as it is. It took me two evenings from 4:30 to 8:00 and one Saturday morning from 8-12 along with 3 trips to Lowes. My equipment kept getting upgraded. It was only two walls, so I thought the cheap equipment would do it. Negatory. I wanted the good stuff by the third trip and I bought it. The trim still needs two touch ups and I can't face it. It calls to me, but I ignore it. Doesn't bother me if I don't look at it, so I don't.

I'm watching Antique Roadshow while I type this. A lady bought a pitcher and bowl in Intercourse, Pennsylvania. No lie. She just said Intercourse, Pennsylvania on national television with a straight face. She's a better woman than I.

Fill #2

Fill #2 was Friday. The Dr. there at the Fill Shack told me it would be my biggest one ever. From now on, they'll just be bumping me up by 1-2 cc's. I found out that my band holds 10 cc's and now it is at 5. She said I still might not feel as much restriction as it will come to, but that we have to take it slow. Something about eating and not hurting myself...blah, blah, blah, just fill the band, bitch!

I had an appt. at 8:15 and needed to get to work (late) just after that. The principal at the school in need understood what was going on, but this particular campus had not seen me the whole 3 weeks I'd been back. They needed me and I was stressed about getting there.

My blood pressure has always been a source of pride for me. Even with my heart banging away double time for years now, that ol' blood pressure has been perfect. I get a pat on the back at every Dr's visit. So, you can imagine my surprise when I was told my blood pressure was up Friday morning. I explained that it could be because I feel the pressure to get to work-- they need me, they really do need me! The tech guy said, okay, let's take it again. He did. It was HIGHER! He said we'd stick with the original number. Now I was reaaaally stressing.

When the Dr. came in to put the juice in the band, she couldn't find it. She'd given me the deadening shot already, so we hustled into x-ray. She found it and juiced her up. I have been able to tell a difference and look forward to my next fill in less than 2 weeks. I oughtta feel a real difference then.

Took one day off from South Beach, then jumped right back on the wagon. I FORGOT TO TELL YOU--I'd lost another 8 pounds! That South Beach diet really does work and I enjoy the foods. It's real food, what's not to like? I was telling Susan the other day that I think I can stick to it now because having this surgery, I was prepared for my diet to change radically and permanently. Even though I can still eat most things, my brain was prepared to not do so; therefore, the diet is livable for me.

There were about 5 women all chatting like a support group in the waiting room. I was so glad and I joined in. We all were at different stages in the process, so it was interesting. There was even a woman there to have some juice taken out of her band, so we ran the gamut. Some said they could no longer eat salads, none of them could eat eggs. I learned that when going out to eat and your band is fully restricting, buying a tea or other drink is a waste because you can't drink even close to the full thing. Lots of information like that. I enjoyed talking with them. A lady had just bought a belt at a "regular" size store. She said,"It may be on the last hole, but I'm in it!" She was having trouble getting the water she was sipping post fill to go down. I might see her again having some taken out.

Hope you're enjoying your day! 8 more pounds, bitches!!!!

Cool, but check out the dude's fingernails!

I've Gone Nuts

I have my second fill tomorrow. If you'd been sitting beside me, you'd have heard me sing that with great jubilation. Bring on the fills!

If you've been following along, you've discovered my insanity by now, so the following statement should not come as a shock. I'm having anxiety about my appointment tomorrow. The fear is that they will tell me I'm there on the wrong date/time or they'll take forever to call me back and I'll be late for work.

What I need to know is this - Is everyone else as nuts as I am in their own little way, or am I truly nuts. I'm certain there are chemicals to help me feel better, but those also make you gain 20 lbs a year, so that ain't happening! (remember that from the psychologist months ago? that information slapped me against my fat cheek!) I wonder if married people don't obsess on these weird thoughts because they can voice them to their spouse who in turn can tell them to shut up and quit being stupid. There's never anyone here to tell me I'm stupid. And that's my whole problem.

I have another anxious friend with lots of issues about lots of things. (you, and several others, know who you are) She is single. Maybe she needs someone to tell her to shut up and quit being stupid. Oh, wait. Nevermind. We already do that and she tells us she knows it's stupid but can't help it. NEITHER CAN I!I am stupid and know it, but I can't quit.

No! You know what? I'm not stupid. The fear has some meat behind it. The last time I got excited about getting the band filled, I ended up a disappointed Bongo (see below) crying in my car in a parking lot on the phone with my surgeon's office. There is definitely reason to be worried.

Okay, WHEW! Got that whole mess worked out. See the beauty of journaling?

To recap:

fill #2 tomorrow

anxious

not crazy

It's Happening, people!

I went to put on an outfit today that fit me in June. The pants are hanging off of me! I was so excited all day. The shirt has gotten so much bigger that I had to wear a cami underneath it. Myboobs used to fill it out. It still fits though, but fits better. My legs, but and hips are shriiiiiiiinking. All day I just kept thinking, "This is really going to happen."

It may sound crazy, but I've had some trouble believing that I'm going to be successful. I doubt it all the time, but I keep chugging ahead. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it, but when you've had a lifetime of ups and downs and disappointments it's expected I guess. Just two days ago, I got excited for a minute, then my brain told me not to do that. It said that this too might not work. It was SURGERY to band my stomach and I'll believe it when I see it. Isn't that nuts?

I'm super proud of myself. The band isn't restricting me yet. I have been on South Beach phase 1 since 3 weeks before the surgery. I have broken it a few times for medical reasons and twice for kicks, but it's working, regardless of those breaks. Last weekend at Melissa's I even had some chicken pizza from Pizza Hut and a piece of sweet Tatum's birthday cake. The next day, right back to phase 1. I guess I really was mentally ready for all this. That makes me happy.

Watership Down

My apartments really do have beautiful grounds. I am lucky to have the best view outside of the apartments that overlook the golf course and ponds on the golf course. The bunnies seem to like it too. This evening, sweet Emily has been wanting to go on the patio or on the front porch to smell more than usual. I looked at the hill out in front of my apartment and there are four, possibly 5 bunnies. Two were babies. The one in question could be a maple leaf. We have some maple trees and their leaves turn really dark. I always think they are poop when I'm walking!

There was one baby bunny up on the hill and another dark lump up beyond. It was the bunny in question. Two bunnies were sitting together and one of them kept laying its head down to sleep. So sweet.

Emily thinks it would be sweet to kill and eat them. I finally gave her a magical Dingo bone to get her mind off the delicious meat sitting outside the door.

No lap band news. Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I'll have my second fill this Friday.

No Joy in Saraville

I went for my fill today and it didn't happen. They had cancelled it when we set up all the other ones even though the Dr. or nurse (not sure what level of ed. it takes to poke in some saline) said to go ahead and keep it. It was a hot mess. I left. What could I do? I couldn't huff and puff and make them give me saline. Once in the car, I phoned them back again because I remembered that the medical saline person had said to keep the appt. They said there is no way because Dr. Fox would NEVER allow me to have another fill only 11 days past the other one.

I called bullshit on that one and phoned my surgeon's office. They'd said I had to wait 3 weeks for my first fill, but did that one super early too after speaking with my surgeon's office. I thought it was time we were all on the same page. Well...while speaking with my beloved Andrea at Dr. Fox's office, I broke down and cried. It amazes me how much I've pinned on all of this. I'm getting tears in my eyes now thinking about it. I think it's because this is not just a diet. It's my whole life. I've changed my body in a way which requires a different lifestyle. It's so much more emotionally than I ever thought it would be. So I've gone through all this after years of being a fat ass. CAN A GIRL JUST GET SOME SALINE IN HER FRIGGIN' BAND, PLEASE?

Dr. Fox called me back. He said that he really didn't care if I had it this early, but he can't make them give me an appointment. He was, of course, sorry about the confusion. Really though, this office is not his directly. He shares the surgery center with 3 other dr's and his office is way across town. UNFORTUNATELY, they do not do fills at Dr. Fox's office.

I love his office staff. When I went for my initial visit, there was the usual paperwork to fill out. On the line where you're to put what name you'd like to be called, I put "The Goddess." They have actually called me The Goddess since the first time they ever called me into the examining room. I love people who play along.

Today as I sadly waited in my car for the Dr. to call back, I perused the internet on my Blackberry. I'd googled the surgery center to get their number when I phoned them back. The website has a bio on all 4 Dr's who use that surgery center. Guess what I found out? I picked a winner! Dr. Fox was voted one of Dallas' best bariatric surgeons in D magazine 2007 and 2008. I did not know that when I chose him, but feel even more certain that I'm a genius.

In news not about me that you may or may not want to know:

My best friend from high school, Nina B., found out today that her first grand baby is going to come out a boy!! Since she had two girls, they're very excited and I am too. Nina and Thomas married at 17 because they wanted to. Four months later, Nina was pregnant. Once her youngest leaves home, Lord only knows what will happen. Nina and Thomas might become swingers or develop some hobby like raising orchids. I can only imagine. :) I love you, Nina B. Nina has a house and lineage. I have a dog. Funny how life can take you different places.

Had my first uh-oh! with the band...

I was having a bad morning. Everything I went to do took 3 times as long as it normally would. Due to the funkiness of the morning, I was running late. No time to cook breakfast. While I was getting ready, I decided to let a couple of eggs boil. Once I was ready, bags in hand, I stood at the sink and hurriedly (right here is where I messed up) at a boiled egg. You can't hurry with a band. Even with a band that is not even close to full restriction.

You know that feeling when a tortilla chip goes down wrong? You have a second or two where you think you're going to die, then it passes. Go back to that spot in the process where you think you're going to die and stay there. That's exactly what it feels like to have a lap band and get food stuck. I felt it happen but thought it would pass in a bit, because it always has. I jumped in the car.

Before I'd even turned the key in the ignition, the spits started. Thank goodness my nutritionist and a vlogger (video blogger) on youtube had both talked me through this. The vlogger actually had her boyfriend tape her with the spits. Gross but educational and I was so happy to have witnessed it prior to experiencing.

My nutritionist explained it this way - your body is essentially trying to slime the caught food in order to help it down. You know how when you're about to vomit and your jaw locks, you lean over the toilet and TONS of saliva pours out of you? It's just like that without the jaw locking and nausea. Replace those with that peaking pain of a stuck Dorito chip. I did not freak out and am sure I would've. I was so miserable though!

Your instinct is to gulp water to get the food down. This is a no no. All that does is add pressure to the situation and make it hurt more. THIS information alone from the nutritionist made her $100 fee worth it. Totally $100 dollar's worth of info to not make the pain worse.

Back to the story. I'm in the car and the spits start. I realize that this is it. This is my first time to have any trouble with the band and I get out of the car. Did I mention I was already running late? BAD MORNING, people. [SKIP THE REST OF THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU ARE WIMPY. ] I stood at the kitchen sink and spit up an amazing amount of foamy, slimy spit. It just kept coming and coming. Like when a dog with an empty stomach gets sick on the carpet and you have to clean it up. It's all just slime. Well...now I know how to make my own. The egg that felt like a Dorito hurt so badly and I wondered how long until it stopped.

After a few minutes, I could tell that it was on the move, and the pain wasn't so bad that I wanted to die. I decided that since I was already late for work, I'd better get in the car. I was not feeling pretty by any means and was angry at myself for eating so quickly.

On the drive, the spit continues to come, but not at such an alarming rate. I'm afraid to swallow it, because I don't want it to make it hurt anymore than it already does. Every once in a while, I would let a little go down to aid in the passing of the egg. Slime that thing down and let it go down the chute! I hadn't thought to bring a spit cup along, but sure do wish I had. On the tollroad, my cheeks were full of spit. This was after about 5 minutes--cheeks FULL of spit. Like chipmunk full. And this was a slowdown from before, remember. So that was another lesson learned. If in car with the spits, have something in which to spit or you're not gonna be driving happy.

Once I exited the tollroad, I considered opening my door to release it all into the street. However, it was early in the morning and I really didn't want to gross anyone else out. Miss Manners said to be thoughtful of others and I was trying. By the time I was close to my destination, the food passed and I could swallow again. I went into work with tears in my eyes. Thankfully the day got better from there.

Friday evening I had friends over for an Olympic Opening Ceremony watching party. We barbequed and had a good time. I even decorated and baked a gooey butter cake! Wasn't the ceremony something else? Really an amazing thing to see. Would've been wonderful to have been there live. I couldn't tell you my favorite part because it was all so fantastic. Cirque de Soleil style.

Fill number 2 is tomorrow afternoon. This morning, I went to brunch with Cindy and her parents. Her daddy treated us. We sat and visited for 2 and 1/2 hours with wonderful food and a pitcher of sangria and one of pickled pear margaritas. We didn't finish either pitcher, but they were both yummy. I allowed myself the sugar in those, and in the bread pudding and cobbler (shut up, I know) because I'm not sure I'll ever again be able to slip those down.

Other than this weekend, it's been Phase 1 of South Beach all the way. I think I'll just continue the pattern - liquids the day of fill, two days of mushies then South Beach phase 1 until the next fill. If I'm going to break Phase 1 rules, it will be just before the fill because I have to break it then anyway for the liquid diet. I've been successful so far with this so let's keep rockin' it.

I put on a shirt today that I'd not worn all spring and summer since last year because I knew that it didn't fit. Back when it did fit, it FIT. Know what I mean? Anyway, I thought I'd try it today. IT WAS BIG ON ME! I had to wear a cami shirt underneath it it was so big! Fireworks went off and bluebirds came and sat on my shoulder singing sweet songs of weight loss. Another month and I don't think it will fit at all.

What's On My Mind

I enjoy writing. Especially when I know my audience is you. You have told me that you've missed my writing and I'm flattered. The thing is, work is messing up my flow. I normally have a routine down. It's not in August though. Meetings, trainings (attending and giving) and the like make for a bumpy schedule. I'm taking time before bed tonight to write.

My favorite way to be on the laptop is to be on the floor or bed on my stomach. People tell me often that this is unusual, but I can be in this position typing for hours. I proved this in grad school. Now that the stomach isn't nearly as tender inside, it's possible for me to lay like this again and write. I just can't narrow my subject down.

Here's what's going on in my head, all of which I've wanted to write about:

• Will people believe that I'm trying to jinx our athletes with the silver star balloon (that floats along side the US flag balloon I bought for the Olympic Opening Ceremony cookout at my place tomorrow) ? They didn't have a gold already blown up and they looked great together. I told the girl at the shop I didn't want the "Proud to be an American" balloon she offered but was quick to add that it wasn't because I wasn't proud to be an American. There certainly are those moments though...

• Why don't people pick up their dog poo when everyone knows that the mounds of poo outside their apartment is from their dog and their lack of responsibility?

• There's a teacher who always wears gold nail polish. She has for years. Gold, metallic nail polish. She told me she does so because it goes with everything. I beg to differ. First off, her skin tone. It no matchy the gold tone. I'm just saying. I saw her today and she was wearing it again. I mean, she was still wearing it. Maybe she'll balance out my silver balloon with those nails.

• I love the way a dog's feet smell like Frito's. (By the way, Frito's was in spellcheck on Blogspot. I'd misspelled it fritos. My bad.)

• I was told at lunch the other day that maybe I should open up a sexiness coaching business named Sugartastic Sara Smooth's Sexiness Coaching. My eyes lit up. I wanted to blog about it and let my imagination run. I've been pondering all the funny possibilities of it when suddenly I realized that if there really were such a thing (and there probably is) I couldn't do it. I'd be so annoyed that the person didn't "get" it that I'd be ticked off all the time. Like the father of the man to whom I was once engaged told me, "Some people either "have it" in the sexy department and some people don't and never will." Unfortunately, his son did not. When we were kissing hot and heavy for the first time (me and the son, not the father, silly), I had to stop and ask him, "Do you have a tongue?" He said he did. I told him to Prove It! He told me he didn't like to French kiss, that it reminded him of lizards and such. I was 22 and hot, he was 30 and obviously repressed. Why did I not get up and walk away right then?

• I think I've lost more weight. I'm excited to have my next fill on Monday. I think eating is really going to start getting different after that one. Restriction cometh.

• Have you ever been having a one sided conversation with someone and the entire time they are speaking, you're saying in your head, "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up..."? Yeah, me too.

• When I ponder on Life Before Air-Conditioning in Texas, I consider that my family is from Texas from forever. I'm true blue Texan. Did the first of my family who came here stay because they were hearty, determined people, or because they were too poor to bolt the hell out of the God forsaken heat, or because they were too crazy to notice? Have me walk through a parking lot and I'm bitchin' like I'm on a death march in a Polish winter. How did they do it? Are mud huts with grass roofs really that much cooler? And no ice. No refrigerator. Just consider it, people. Makes no sense.
• I'd have made an awful Pioneer Woman. My husband would have shot me for whining in the summer. The entire summer I'd be talking that there has to be somewhere we could go where it wasn't so unbelievably hot in the summer. I'd not have my magic sweat pills so I'd have been damp 24/7 with probably a rash under my boobs--no bra and all. You've got to think about this from every angle. Cooking in this heat! Lordy! My standard answer to "What's for dinner?" would've been, "Pickles, bitch. I am not lighting a fire." He'd have killed me and buried me in the barn.

The Forecast...

This next week is going to be about like this. How perfect that I'm going to be back at work. In and out of places. But I won't be sweating horribly, because I have a miracle pill. I have many of those, actually. It's very early and I'm going to bed. I'm getting old. Can't handle a couple of margaritas.

Got my First Fill

I got my first fill 2 weeks early! I couldn't believe Dr. Fox said okay, but they let me get it. Here's how it went down.

This is done at the surgery center, where I had the procedure done. This is a whole different office though. They may have explained that during surgery, or not. I was looped at the time, so I wouldn't know. I was told I was in the wrong place and went around to the right one.

I was there at 7:15 am. In Richardson. I was not at my sharpest. I'm not a cracker jack until about 10 am.

A nurse takes me into the little room. Lots of rules, do's and don'ts, took my vitals. Then a dr. comes in. She gives more rules, do' s and don'ts. Then she says she is going to have to stick a needle in and press around with it until she is able to find the port. She asks if I'd like a numbing shot before she begins. This is like asking me if I'd like a cocktail after a hard day at work. Hell, yes I want the numbing shot. If you've got it, poke my belly with it!

I lay down on my back. The Dr. puts a pillow in the arch of my back, so my belly is sticking out. (shut up, I know it sticks out anyway.) She gets to poking around on my belly finds it and puts some saline in. That was it.

When she sat me up, she tells me that I'm still not going to feel much restriction. This was disappointing and I knew it would be 2-3 weeks before they'd let me have another fill. I want it at the sweet spot where I can only eat a few bites. This takes several fills. They don't just squeeze it all in there, unfortunately. Probably has something to do with health. As if!

So she and I were discussing how many and when to schedule all my fills when I went back up front. I explained that my original first appt. was on August 11th and asked if I could keep it. She said, "Oh! That's too soon." I looked her in the eye, she took a second, then said, "Let's do it anyway. Go ahead and keep it and schedule two more, two weeks apart from each other." SWEEEET! Made me so happy.

After every fill, you have to sit in the waiting room and sip water for 30 minutes making sure all is clear. They do this in case they put too much in and you can't get the water down. That way you don't have to come back to have some removed. There was a lady in the waiting room who had a fill last Thursday, but it turned out to be too much. She was having all the symptoms of being over filled--coughing and pain in the chest. Not fun.

I am to be on all liquids today--the "full" liquids, not just broth. And mushies the next two days. Well, I had Kim over for lunch today with her kids. I made my favorite chicken/cashew salad for us. Corny dogs for the kids. I went ahead and tried a little, because the Dr. said I probably wouldn't feel any restriction until tomorrow. The food went down fine, so I ate about a cup of it.

Last night I had fish tacos and margaritas. I had still lost a pound by their scale. I had to get up so early today after having margaritas last night. Rough. I'm not very funny today. I'm really tired so that's all I've got for you. Well, there is this - The first lady of France is a freaky looking human. She looks like an alien to me.

DUDE!

You can FREAKIN' FEEL THE BAND AROUND MY STOMACH! Is that a trip or what? You can FEEL it. I was not expecting that. Next time I see ya, I'll let you feel it if you want. I think I can feel where the port is, but that could just be a big knot of fat. Not quite sure yet.

I have my post surgery follow up on Wednesday, then my first saline fill is after that. I am ready for some restriction, let me tell you. I am also ready to get the clear for some fresh fruits and veggies. Give me something crunchy!

I still have yet to get sick or even have a difficult burp. Burps do scare me a little bit though when they are trying to work their way out of stomach A to baby stomach B. I've not quite come up with a nickname yet. It'll come, but, like a burp, I don't like to force them. Perhaps Mini-S, short for mini stomach. I'm liking that at the moment. (I came back and read this before posting. I changed my mind. That's totally gay. It'll come.)

Eating is getting more and more open. I'm not cleared actually for some of the things I'm eating, but know they'll go down. Today, oatmeal and two eggs for breakfast (see? I need that saline, baby!), two corn tortillas with lowfat cheese and chipotle sauce plus a quarter cup of the leftover oatmeal for dessert about a cup and a half of mashed potatoes with low fat sour cream, 3 laughing cow french onion lite cheese triangles and crumbled turkey bacon for dinner with apple sauce for dessert. That's a lot of food and bunches of starches. Some days it's all puddings and soups. I just snack on soft stuff all day with protein drinks in between. I'm impatient to eat good foods again and be restricted to smaller portions. I was really enjoying the foods on South Beach. Bring on Skinny Sara!

Oh my gosh, I nearly fogot. I felt like Vodka wouldn't burn a hole through my stomach, so I tried some last Friday night. Just as I'd be getting a buzz, I'd lose it. My small stomach with the band at the bottom is like a funnel into my big stomach. So the little stomach would fill up and I'd have to wait for it to empty before sipping again. Cindy, with whom I was imbibing, had to explain to me that I needed less of the diet cranberry juice and more of the grey goose. If you've ever had one of my drinks, you know that there was not at all much cranberry to give up! So I went to sipping pretty much straight grey goose (going to have to buy the flavored now) and it worked its magic. GOOOOOOD BLESS AAAAMEEEEERICA! The very next evening, Todd gave me Maker's Mark with a shot of water and ice. Kickin' it my Daddy's style!

Let's talk about those protein drinks. I'm not too keen. They remind me too much of the syrup we used to create milk shakes when I worked at Burger King at the age of 16. That place was run by Denton High School. They announced they were opening and hiring over our daily announcements. We all ran. I had fun and probably gained 30 pounds that year! Killer salad bar and I'd just pour the Ranch dressing over that salad. Do you think that's when it was new? When did that stuff come out?

I'm still not healed inside and here is how I know. It hurts to lay on my belly. No, let me rephrase that. It hurts when I get up from laying on my belly. Leaned over to put on my make up the other day and when I stood up - OUCH! Tenderoni. Guess what's my favorite way to lay and work on the computer? Laying on my belly. I think it's because of the upgraded boob package God gave me. Well, me and mankind were given them, weren't we? It takes a village, friends.

I've just been trying not to freak out about this being the last week of my summer. I get a little panicky the last week every summer I don't work. There has been mucho grading to do this week. I spent most of today doing it. Only two more sections tomorrow, then I'm done. There are only a few days each course where I have to grade, but I HATE it. Feels as if I have homework. And I guess I do!

So, check up on Wednesday. Surely there will be more to post after that.

Enough about me...what do you think about me? (get it?)

Friends were talking the other day trying to figure out if it was okay to post or if it wasn't being done. POST people, please. I'm in the middle of some life changing stuff here and could use some encouragement and humor. I love it when I see you and you say, "I read your blog and laughed." Kim thinks I should write a book. She wants to be editor or something. I'm going to title it, "Listen, Bitches," because that makes me laugh. All of you are so funny too and I would love to see what you are thinking about after you read my stuff. Every one of you knows each other (except maybe you've not met my sister or my Uncle Charlie, but I know you've read some of his forwarded emails!) Log in and post. You're not so busy saving the world that you don't have three seconds to log in in order to post.

Yesterday was a bit odd

Yesterday, I was completely out of gas. I was dizzy and a bit depressed. I knew that being on liquids was temporary, but it just wasn't giving me enough. Broth is about 10 calories a serving and those protein drinks aren't really filling if it's all you're getting. Plus, I'm trying to get over being stabbed in the gut 5 times and having a foreign object placed around my stomach. Needless to say, although I've already said it, LOTS going on.

On top of all of this, Sweet Emily had a stomach ache yesterday. She vomited and had other unmentionable problems. This did not make me happy. It went on until 1 in the morning at which time I gave her the last Imodium in the house. Poor sweet baby. She had a sad face on.

Feeling light headed and a bit sad, I received a text from Alissa that she wanted to visit. Yea! She came around 2 and took me up to Target. I was so weak and dizzy that I was honestly afraid that I'd get in there and not make it out before something terribly embarrassing went down. Like...my ass going down on the floor maybe! Alissa hung out for several hours and it was fun. We laughed a lot. She brightened my day. xoxo

It was a day early, but I pushed on the diet to mushies. Just to give it a chance. When we got home, it was like a buffet! Yesterday, I had some cottage cheese, some broth, some jello sugar free pudding (2), some roasted red bell pepper and black bean soup and some cream of potato soup sans the potato chunks, this apple sauce al a mode thingy--like a pudding with apple sauce, and baby food chicken. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT???

Now, this was all eaten a 1/4 - 1/2 cup at a time mind you, but as soon as that went through the funnel, this girl moved on to the next thing! The biggest thing I ate was almost the whole can of the cream of potato soup to which I added low fat sour cream and 2% cheese. I was HUNGRY. The bowl of soup made me nervous. I ate it with full soup spoonfuls instead of my usual 1/2 a teaspoon (unbelievable) bites. After eating, I laid down though and just chilled for a bit. No problem! No stomach aches, no tightness, nada. WHEW!

I realize this seems like I was out of control, but I really wasn't. I was just hungry. I woke today feeling myself again. Had energy--got up and moving, doing things around the house. When I was going to sleep last night, I put a plan of action for today's food together in my head. Coffee, then when band is loose, some cottage cheese. (I just had about a cup of that, but didn't even finish it. I think I'm back to normal now.). Sip on protein drinks throughout the day to supplement. LORD knows I do not want to lose my hair again. BAD deal, that one. Soup for lunch then baby food for dinner.

Let's talk about the baby food, shall we? Alissa and I were giggling like we were buying condoms or something while we looked at the baby food. How could you possibly know what tastes good and what doesn't? Weirdo combinations too like grains prunes and peaches. Who wants to eat that? I decided that chicken was something that maybe I could season up and make palatable. Bananas looked good--hard to mess up a mushed up banana, right? RIGHT?!

There was a lady in the baby food aisle with a baby. I asked her if she'd tasted baby food lately. She looked disgusted and said, "No, I haven't!" Well, guess what, sister! I'm about to be an expert. Alissa was wishing she had a camera to get that look on my face after the first bite. My camera was about 3 steps away from her, but I somehow failed to mention that. Silly me.

Beth, my sister, had told me that it is not seasoned hardly at all. True dat, bitches! I could not add enough salt and pepper. It tasted like chicken. Chicken without any seasoning ground to the tiniest smallest possible texture. Like super fine sand, but chickenier. As Alissa stared and we giggled, I ate about half of one of those baby food jars and instantly felt better. Next, I moved on to the puddings.

Yesterday was all Ibuprofen. Just a few aches and pains, mostly right in the middle where the biggest incision is through which they placed the band. I hate that serious pain medicine so much. Not a fun high. I lose all personality--like a lobotomy patient, and I have horrible freaky nightmares. I think that's the incentive to get people off of it. Want to feel sane again? Get better!

There are so many details I include in these postings. The details aren't interesting to most of you probably, but it's for the people out there considering lap band. I know that several of you who read this are considering it. Before my surgery, and even now, I couldn't get enough information.

On to other subjects you may or may not care about. I want to paint a wall in my apartment bright ocean blue and another one a cool orange. Cindy told me yesterday to get the alcohol in the house (as if it weren't already) because that was a 3 drink decision. She always comes up with good lines! This place needs more color for me. The walls are a soothing light mushroom color. I need some bright in here to keep me happy.

Jewry was telling me last night that when she was a cheerleader, the squad ran a fireworks stand each summer. They never paid a dime for their uniforms and regalia. Those always make wicked good money. Good to know-- a little late maybe, but it's good information to tuck away. My good sister, Beth, is going to help with that outrageous freaking ridiculous cost which I won't get over emotionally until Christmas. I think Beth bought her middle school cheer outfit and it was less expensive. I swear, I think the sponsor just let the girls get anything they wanted. Dumb ass. It's not as if these girls are competitive cheer leaders. My friend Nina raised one of those. Lord knows what that cost her. I can only imagine. RIDICULOUS. And if Bekah thinks she wants to be in some sorority in college, she's going to have to cough up that on her own. Knowing her, she will too. She likes to be involved in everything. Bitch better get a job.

Cute, but Expensive

My niece, Rebekah, goes to a little 1A school. I told her and my parents that I would pay for her cheer outfit and camps. Camp was 150$--not a big deal. Now think for a moment, how much would you believe a cheer uniform to cost? Got a number in mind? Her's was $800 something. She told me not to worry, that they would be doing fundraising. They did. It now is going to cost me $600. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

I can't get over it. Everything I was going to purchase in the coming months is on hold for a cheer uniform. $600!!! I am just blown away. This is for the duffel bag, the hanging bag, the megaphone, the pom poms, the under armor, the outer suit, the shoes, the socks and the actual uniform. It seems to me that the girls were allowed to shop without supervision.

They don't even hand these costumes down year to year! It's a one year--a 9 month thing. If you have children, have them go another direction than cheerleading. To help her get it into perspective, I told her that it is more than my car payment and insurance combined! I did let her know that I'm not upset with her, but I'm just blown away.

Bek said that they were thinking of doing a couple more fund raisers. I said, "Get to sellin'." She also told me that I could sell pizzas too. I thought that was cute. Maybe I'll do a carwash too.

Ow, Owwwy OUCH!

This really was surgery! Yesterday morning at 4 am, I woke up when my pain pills wore off. My insides had come to life and I couldn't take a breath. I couldn't take a breath because it hurt when my lungs expanded. LOTS of paaaaain. I was able to get out of bed and get some of the liquid good stuff. It took another hour for the pain to calm enough where I could go back to sleep.

We had to get up at 7 in order to leave for my haircut in Denton at 9. I got in a little walk around the yard before we left and that seemed to help loosen up those muscles a bit. Wasn't quite as bad. I did travel with my ice pack in my shirt though.

Yesterday was also the day I could start sipping on protein drinks. Mind you, none of this is as normal people would sip and enjoy. I was allowed 1-2 protein drinks but only 5-6 oz at a time taking 30 minutes to get them in. It honestly takes that long! I tried a bit before we left for Denton. About 3 sips in and I was naseous. As you know, they are touchy about naseau and constipation, so I just stopped. We took me a cup of broth for the road for breakfast.

After the haircut, we did a bit of shopping. I bought Rebekah a hot pink, rhinestoned hair straightening iron for her 16th birthday in a couple of weeks. I didn't know there was such a thing, otherwise I might have owned one myself. Pretty cool. When we got in, we all laid down for naps. Mine was just happpily drug induced.

Later, I tried the protein shake again. I'd heard that the band loosens up later in the day, and now I suspect it to be true because I was able to get it down. SLOOOOWLY. I only had one protein shake yesterday. Today, I managed down 1/4 cup of one. I got a little sick to my stomach after that, but am cutting down on pain meds today, so I just laid down and let it all happen.

My surgeon, Dr. Fox, phoned last night. I thought that was nice. He said I was doing well, but to watch for any constipation and naseau. I explained my plan for cutting down on pain meds today and he was down with that. Less vicoden and more ibuprofen. Without as much pain meds today, I'm experiencing naseau and soreness, but not as much as yesterday. It was weird, I woke up today, pain pills had worn off and it didn't hurt half as much as yesterday. Dr. Fox said yesterday's pain was very normal for day 3. Anyone reading this and considering the surgery, note: day 3 hurts but day 4 you're okay again.

So here I sit. I have about a cup of room temp protein shake staring at me and I'm sipping fruit juice. Fruit juice and broth are my buddies. I feel safe with them and know the boundaries. Oh! One of my bandages peeled off today. Quick! Stick a suppository in me--it made me naseous as all get out!

Mom and Bekah left this morning, but not before cleaning all sheets and vaccuuming the whole place. I was given strict orders to do nothing but walk the dog. There is a shelf I'm wanting to hang, but I'll let it wait. I hurt but not so bad that I'm going to go full dosage on the good stuff. Dr. Fox thought going about 1/2 dose each time would be good.

So listen, forgive me any grammar and spelling mistakes. I'm hungry, high and in pain. Come see me.

I have funny pics that Bek took of the surgery day that are funny. I will try to get them posted later today.

Hopped up on Pain Pills

Liquid vicoden, friends. I don't miss a dose, trust me. Melissa told me that if I feel pain, I've waited too long. I've lived by that. The Dr told me not to be stoic with the meds. No problem, Doc. I'm down.

Everything has gone beautifully but I'm not skinny yet. I'm hungry and all I can have is broth and diet fruit juice. OH and sugar free popscicles. Tomorrow they're going to give me "full" liquids. I'm living for one of those protein drinks waiting for me in the fridge.

When they weighed me yesterday, I'd lost 24 lbs from being on the 3 weeks of phase one South Beach! 24 pounds, bitches!! Dr was so proud and so was I. After surgery, I was not sick. I was so happy about that that I cried. There are lots of wild things and rules and all to my story. I have to do do all kinds of rituals the next couple of days, but I may be too high to get it all down. No diggity.

Felt great yesterday, but today the core of my body has felt as if it were beat by a bag of bricks. Walking is a breeze and I have to do lots of it because of blood clots and some other reason. Apparently, this is kind of a big deal to your body. I also have to inhale through this thing that sounds like the sperminator, but that's not what it is--Mom would have to tell you. I call it that though, you know I do. I have to inhale through it 10 times every hour. (Gwenn, what's that thing's purpose?) Have to cough and laugh with a folded towel over my belly. Have burp and fart high fives with Mom and Bek because getting rid of the extra gas is a good thing.

Everything I was afraid of, didn't happen. The new no barf medicine worked like a charm--well that and they gave me 2 more meds for it before and another something afterwards. They also sent me home with suppositories for nausea and vomiting. The nurse called me this morning to check on me and make sure I had done well. She said if I felt any nausea to pop even half of one of those in. They're either obsessed with me or vomiting is a bad thing with this whole stomach deal. I thought they were so nice to call me this morning.

Everyone there was nice yesterday. They were nice to me and my family. Really nice. Melissa and Todd brought me the most beautiful flowers that my niece says I'm obsessed with, but they are the most gorgeous things I've seen in a long time.

I thought Emily would be all about the bandages but she was only interested in the one on my hand where the IV went in. Weird.

My throat was all swollen from the tubes they had down me. Mom had gone and bought me a pill cutter but the pills weren't small enough even then! I choked on 4 of them and had to cough them up. The first one was scary because I wasn't sure how the whole heimlach (sp?) manuever was going to go down.

Okay, I know that wasn't well written and just mind flow but it's the best I can do on this juice my mom keeps pouring down my throat. 30 more minutes and she's coming again with another dose! Gotta get my drool cup. I'll try to clear this all up tomorrow for you. Bottom line: I'm well and my dr says I'm going to be his poster girl. I hope that involves cash!

It's Tomorrow!

I started the ball rolling in March and tomorrow it happens. YIKES! I woke up today and had a moment where it hit me.

Been a weird day emotionally. Woke up today and realized it's my last day as me as I know me. Weird. We were all dressed and ready, Alissa was coming for a visit in the afternoon. I get a phone call just before she's coming that my surgeon's office didn't get my lab work. Long story short, I had a very short time to get my self to a lab where my doctor had faxed a prescription for blood work labled "stat". I swear, that's what it was--STAT. I asked the tech what that meant to her. She said it meant she had 4 hours to get the results to the surgeon's office. Seeing how it was around 3 by the time she got my blood, I'm thinking she had 2 hours to get it all figured out. She wanted to know wtf happened. I explained that the surgeon's office was distracted by my extreme beauty. The bitch laughed out loud. My delusions bring people such joy.

Bekah and I went out for some things then. Can't be a complete day lately unless I've spent a bunch of money on stuff for the new place until my feet are killing me. We had to go to Target and IKEA. Good thing I don't have to pay for the surgery now!

When the shopping was over, we went to Matito's for dinner. It was nice to get cute and go somewhere to sit, not work. But, once we got home, back to work. Bek and I hung the drapes in the living room. I know why there are professional curtain hangers. Not a fun job. Bek was my assistant, which turned out to mostly be screw picker upper. Long story about hanging them in the living room over the blinds. Bottom line, the mounting of the blinds stayed, but we ended up taking down the blinds. They look super cute hidden under my bed!

So, back to the whole belly thing...such a strange thing to know that the piece of fish, black beans and vegetables was the last large plate of food I'll ever eat. I can't even imagine it. Scary for some reason. It's as if it is insurance that finally a freakin diet will last longer than the 5 year life average I have going. I honestly think I'll feel more secure in having a long term relationship with a man. What you see really is what you'll get with me. All my old ghosts can't come back. I can't freakin' eat enough to do damage to myself emotionally as well as physically, so I can feel better in about 9 kinds of ways. Am I going to miss big meals that stuff me until I am a lazy cow? What about my love of cooking good food? All kinds of questions. When these concerns come up, I soothe the mind by reminding myself that alcohol will still be there for me. I still have that one fun vice. If you think I'm kidding, raise your hand. You know me so well.

Tomorrow, Rebekah is in charge of documenting the whole thing on camera. She asked me today if she should take a picture of the bloody cotton ball from the hole in my arm where they took blood at the lab. (Who in the world taught her to be such a smart ass?) After surgery, Rebekah is going to text those of you who've asked. Surgery is scheduled for 9:30. Hopefully it will be the "all is well" message and not the "Sara is puking her toes off" message. The surgeon gave me a fancy new pill that he is hoping will for once allow me to have surgery and not projectile vomit. I did so once on my mother as she stood at the end of my bed. I'm special.

My big fears about tomorrow are that I'll be sick from the surgery and the pain from the gas. Surgeon and Michelle have both said that I'll have to walk to help get that gas dispersed in my body. When I puke after surgery, I'm OUT of it so walking really isn't possible, plus moving can make me sick. I PRAY that magic pill works. My mother has already wanted to put a trash can in my bedroom. No lie, friends. Sigh.

Best thing about tomorrow--nothing to buy, nothing to make my feet hurt and not a box in sight. Go, Fight, Win!

Turn Up the Good!

Whew! It's been crazy but all the moving is done. My mother and niece are here. Today, we finished unpacking every box. HOORAY! I love my apartment. It feels like a house, it really does. Many friends have stopped by and can't believe all the space I have. Bright sunshine comes in all rooms all day. The guest room turned out prettier than I'd even imagined. Come visit!

I have a lovely view of the yard, with a hill on which all the bunnies chase each other. My mom was saying they should've named this place Watership Down for all the bunnies. Emily likes that too.

Everyone here seems to have a dog or two. Emily goes out without a leash--she's the best old dog. Today was the first day Emily seemed completely relaxed and had her old lady naps on time. Bless her sweet old heart, she's had it rough the past couple of weeks. When her Nani and Rebekah showed up, Emily rejoiced. It was as if she'd wondered how they'd ever find us. You should have seen her popping her "wheelies" in joy outside. Adorable and joyful.

The plan is to go out and buy drapes for a few more windows (red velvet in the bedroom) and the hardware along with some other bits. Rebekah will get some shoes. Mom will get sore feet. OH! We're starting the day with manicures and pedi's. My feet are a disgrace and my hands look as if I just brought in a crop of something. No lie.

Tuesday's plan--hang drapes and any other bits we find. You KNOW I'll find things too. Almost all decoration is done except my bathroom. It's quite plain at the moment. We will also have to shop for post op liquids. First week after surgery is thin liquids. Second week is full liquids. BIG time. FULL liquids, baby! You know it will be delicious though.

Wednesday's plan--cut holes in my belly and stick a band around my stomach. So many fun and good things going on. I'm pumped to diet for the very last time of my life! Let's get it done.

I'm a happy girl, but I feel as if I've not seen 1/2 my friends in so long. If you're in town, please come see me soon. If you're not in town, come see me as soon as possible. I get to feeling unbalanced when I get off kilter with you.

Be Careful What You Wish For

I wanted a pill and I got one. Cefaclor -- an antibiotic. I worked myself sick. Sick as a dog. I'm famous for it in my family. Used to always happen at end of semester during finals. Anyway, I feel awful and have zero energy.

Even the bottom of my feet are bruised. There are these little red stars on the bottom of my feet that hurt. And I've only worked in my cushy crocs.

I'm going to watch a movie and hopefully sleep more. Susan come home late tonight. That's the news from Lake Wobegan.

I need a pill...

I am OVER moving. Over it! And it's not even moving day, people. I'm so exhausted today that I can 't tell if I'm really sick or worn out....or both. I will be taking a prescription sleeping pill tonight so that I won't wake early. These also assure a nap the next day, and I need to get some rest.

It's akin to a cleaning spree, this packing thing. I get momentum going with a list of things in my head, then there's no stopping me. One thing leads to another. My feet hurt, I feel weird and my body is worn out. Moving day is Wednesday and I have only about 4 more boxes to pack. I'm ahead of schedule. But, this does afford me some time to rest before moving day.

I realized that when you have a list of Worst Things to Do, it doesn't make much difference if you get the worst one out of the way. After that, what was the second worst thing, is now the worst thing and you come to dread it as much as you did the previous #1 worst thing. Girl genius, huh?

Cindy came over yesterday and helped. (Thank you so much, friend! xoxo) Emily was thrilled to see her Aunt Cindy and friend Zach. She was getting quite bored with only me. Abby isn't even here now. She's at the lake with Kaitlin. Today, Em has started getting a little weirded out by the packing. Before today, things were mostly just shuffled around. Now they're going into boxes. She's clingy and giving me the eyes.

We took the evening off and watched Juno. LOVED it. I missed that Juno girl once the movie was over. I even thought about her today. How strange is that?? I did have some vodka. (not because I missed Juno, dork) It was 11 days from the surgery, I've done an extra week of the pre surgery sexy up your liver diet, and I didn't go over the diet's carb count.

Talked with Mom today. She and my neice will come Sunday, I think. That will give me some time to see my beautiful, smart, funny neice. I've not seen her all summer! She always likes to go have a cheeseburger somewhere yummy, so we'll do that. Also, I'm going to be hurting for a mani/pedi a week from now, so we'll go do that. Gotta shop--gotta hit IKEA.

They're also going to help me unpack anything left and pamper me after surgery. Mom said they can stay as long as I need them. Love that. Mom will make certain I do all the post surgery walking and eat the right things.

Okay, off to take a pill and go to LaLa Land....

It's tough being single...

Huge dill weed leaves a message for a girl...
http://view.break.com/527579

Thanks

I'm strong and independent, but only because I have friends and family who love me. It would be difficult and boring to face all the change and excitement going on alone. Everyone has been so happy for me and supportive. It means a lot. New car, new thing gonna be in my belly, new way of eating, new home, new home life but the same old loved ones.

Day 10: Fun New Recipes and Emily's poor ear

I miss having a wide variety of recipes to try. That's one of my hobbies. I can make a great salad, but want more variety. I found new recipes for phase one of South Beach! Can't wait to shop and cook tomorrow. The site I found had variety and clever. There were round ups of phase one recipes from all over the web. I only have to follow this particular diet two more weeks, so at least I'll get to have some fun with it now. After the surgery, I'll get to cook just about anything again. I won't be able to eat hardly any, but that's part of what is fun about cooking--watching others enjoy it. So, come fall, all six of you readers are invited for dinner anytime.

Emily hurt her ear again!! This afternoon, I was hanging out at Todd and Melissa's pool. Emily was back in the back end of their big ol' backyard. I think there have been some cats or bunnies in the back bushes.

I'm in the pool and hear this little squeal. I pop up to see her running to the pool with a bloody ear. She comes over and














there is a big rose thorn in her ear. She let me remove it. That thing gashed her ear and guess what? It was the bad one that had the two sting spots on the inside! It's been beat up this week. Once the thorn was out, homegirl was right back to the hunting. Didn't bother her at all. There are the pics after I took poolside with my phone just after I removed the thorn out.

When we got home, there was so much blood dried on her ear that her ear highlights were stuck down in it. I had to soak it in a wet cloth.

Day 8: Bunny and Booze

Susan herself put in a lovely garden outside her kitchen window. I love seeing it out there. She did a wonderful job on it. One of the neighborhood bunnies likes it too! I was able to take his picture as he was sitting by the bricks munching. Then, he hopped up on the bricks and got a couple of leaves off of flowers, or maybe he was helping weed?? As I viewed the pics on my camera, there were 3 sweet little birdies sitting on the bricks. I reckon Bambi will be around next, poor little orphan must be hungry. Here are more pics.

See how fat he is? Susan does a lot for the community!

Thank you to those of you who phoned or texted me today about Emily. She's so much better! Back to happy as long as I don't touch that left ear too much. It's the worst one--has bite or sting marks in it and had two giant welts. Both ears have gone nearly completely back to flat and that eye is shining brightly. WHEW! Here is a photo I took this evening for you...

Pre surgery diet lesson: Life is nicer when you can have booze. Go ahead and write that one down, folks. I had a great urge for some vodka last night. You may be chuckling, but I come from cocktail people. We like our cocktails in the evening. You understand.

I was out at dinner with JB and Snooz yesterday. They imbibed during dinner, I was happy with my iced tea. All I'm saying though, is thank the heavens that I don't have to go forever without alcohol.

Went to IKEA (God bless IKEA) today. Have a funny story about an incident with an E. Indian woman customer. Good stuff, but probably better with vodka--just like a lot of things. Sigh. Anyway, I've posted so much today and I'm sure you have better things to do.

Poor, Sweet Emily

Spent the weekend at Susan's parent's lake house. I went ahead and took a cooler of fresh veggies and lean meats, just in case Marlene, Susan's mom, didn't have anything. Good thing too--she made pork ribs, corn on the cob and red potatoes for dinner. I even had to eat earlier than everyone else. They ate at 9 and my healthy foods don't last that long, so I asked for forgiveness and got to cooking. It worked out fine and I'm glad I planned ahead.

It seems that yesterday morning, something got ahold of my Emily. We thought she just had tired eyes. Uh...no. She had the swollen, puffy eye. I pulled the skin back and the white of her eye was not red, so I figured she'd been stung by a bee, wasp or scorpion. Going to bed last night, I gave the girl 2 Benadryl. We went to bed and I found that her ears were all puffy too! There were two large bumps on one ear and one on the other. That's when it all came together--something really got a hold of my girl. This is her last night. This morning she was a bit worse. Here's the picture from this morning. Isn't it so sad? Just not my girl's happy personality. Her sweet ears feel like really big stuffed tight raviolis.

That is just the saddest face I've ever seen. I'd never survive having my own children. My heart could not take it!

Anyway, Emily was miserable and was sleeping a lot, but not whining or itching. She wasn't herself. How could she be?

Around lunch time, I called the vet's office in Madisonville outside where my parent's live. He is an old school farm animal vet. Doesn't waste your time or money and loves the animals. I told him the story of what I'd done. Doctor said that I could try giving her one Benadryl every hour the rest of the day. If that didn't work, she'd need a cortizone shot.

Emily must have thought today is her birthday or something special. Every hour, I've wakened her to give her a piece of cheese. You think she'd begin to catch on that I'm druggin her since she's slept all day. By around 5, that happy eye began to look more round. Went to dinner with J.B. and when I got home, the swollen bump above her eye was much smaller. She even was acting perky. Those ears though are still big. It seems they're tender too. Perhaps because I've been checking them every 30 minutes since last night.

Emily had another peice of sleepy cheese about 30 minutes ago. She is sleeping sooooouuundly. I just hope that by tomorrow morning, she looks like this. Dear ol' thing!

Day 3--I'm going to need diapers, people.

Got groceries yesterday. Fresh veggies and good meats and cheeses I am allowed to eat. It's nice that the South Beach Diet allows me to cook--as opposed to fasting before surgery. I enjoy cooking new recipes, so have already tried two new ones. I love most foods, so it's not so hard now that I have things to prepare besides eggs and chicken breasts.

Last night, I had dinner with Cindy at Matito's. KILLER fish and veggies. Several choices of fresh fish on the menu even. I will be back there. I ordered my dinner without rice and the waitress (Cindy's previous student) asked me why. In my very open and honest fashion, I told her. Lo and behold a testimonial came down upon us! The waitress has an aunt who has had the surgery and a girlfriend who had it done. Her aunt is happy and looks so young. Not a wrinkle on her! So glad to know my wrinkles will disappear.

Reader, I aim to be brutally honest with you during this whole process. I've read many blogs of people going through the surgery and weight loss and always appreciate honesty. Sometimes honesty ain't pretty, but it's real. Let's get real, shall we? Here's the deal with these low carb diets. They give me diarrhea. Serious runs. I remember when Atkins was the rage. Everyone else was having the opposite problem. Not Sara P. I always got the runs. This South Beach program has thrown me for a serious loop. Last night after dinner, I was home watching Last Comic Standing. One man cracked me up so hard that I pooped my pants. WHOA. I laugh a lot. I can't live not knowing if poop is going to shoot out of me when someone cracks a good one! THEN (here's where I get scared) just moments ago, as I was sitting down to blog, I sneezed and...WHOA. It's like a toddler is living here. I have to do this program until the 16th. I'd like to think I'd have some control over my bodily functions until that time.

Day 1- Polly Want a Cracker, Damn it!

I started what will be termed "my new life" today. I've already determined it sucks wind, but I also know it will get better. It's all a mind game at this point. Breads, sugar and beer are dead to me. DEAD! I will not mourn them. They like to make me think they love me; however, they secretly hate me and live to make me fat. (this is what I've been playing in my head today) As many of you know, I've formally lived healthy lifestyles and enjoyed it. You just have to get your mind brainwashed to that side of thinking. It's not that it's hard to enjoy good foods--they're tasty. It's learning to hate the junk food that is so addictive. Get over that hump and you've got it made. If all those junkies I watch on Intervention can overcome crack cocaine, surely I can get past never having a hamburger bun again. (mmmmm, hamburger buns...) I can do this for the next 3 weeks, then the band is going to help me and life will be okey dokey. Right? RIGHT?! Just earlier, I was thinking that my other option is to be on that mattress begging for someone to bring me a grilled cheese sandwich or help me into my Rascal scooter. The fun of dating might be gone altogether if I were in that state. Hard to feel sexy while begging for a grilled cheese sandwich covered in baby powder. (I'm not sure why, but I would think that if I were stuck on a mattress and unable to move, I'd want lots of powder on me to feel better.)

Let me explain where the mattress image comes from. It has two roots in my brain. The first one is from seeing The World's Fattest Man at some fair--could've been state, not sure. I was young. One of my siblings was with me, and we walked up to a glass window to see a ginormous man who could only have his privates covered in towels and was laying on a mattress on the floor. It was gross. I was embarassed for him and for all of us staring at him. Homeboy was big, but I think that dude that Richard Simmons helped was bigger. This was before his day, or he could've had the job and homeboy would've been out of work.

The second root of the mattress thought comes from something my mother experienced. While going through EMT training, she was doing her internship thing with the College Station/Bryan ambulance dudes. They get a call and go out to find this disgusting fat man laying on a mattress on the floor with all kinds of filth and stench about him and the mattress. I think they had to get a tarp to get him out of there. She was grossed out and told me the details which were FOUL. So you see, I am terrified to be one of those people.

Until this afternoon, I did not have a copy of The Southbeach Diet, but Courtney told me what I could/could not have. I have to do Phase 1 of it for the next 3 weeks. Got to get my liver sexy, you understand. What I have eaten today is only eggs and chicken breast meat. Tomorrow, I'll go to the store to get more variety and fresh vegetables because I love it. I LOVE LEAN MEAT AND FRESH VEGETABLES.

Back Up the Bus!

I need to get something clear with you, dear reader. I am not having my stomach stapled and my intestines rerouted. No, no and no. I am having a band put around the top of my stomach. That's it. Day surgery, no stitches just butterfly bandages. I was visiting Julie for a few days in Oklahoma and all this time she had been thinking I was having the big dangerous one. Friends, this surgery I am having requires me to actually diet and exercise. It will take time and effort on my part. It will demand that I be the bad ass girl I am. (I like that term, it covers so much more than genius. You could be a genius and suck at lots of things in life, but a bad ass is different. I want a bad ass tshirt and a vanity plate on my car. I guess I could be a genius-bad ass, but that sounds a bit conceited. I digress.)

The following pictures were taken by my long suffering mother on my blackberry. They are a bit blurry, but you'll get the idea of what my stomach will be like. You'll see the band and the port. The port is where, after a month, they will, each month, inject saline into the band. This will squeeze the band tighter and tighter around my stomach allowing me to eat less and less. ALLELUIA! ALLELUIA! ALEEEEEEELUIAAAAAAAA! (I so wish I could insert sound bites into your reading--I feel podcasts in my future, or perhaps a vlog. God bless technology) Anyway, here are the pictures.

Moving and Men

Daddy doesn't want me to leave this weekend as I had planned. I was considering staying longer until I looked again at the calender. I've only 2 1/2 weeks until I move! It's giddy-up time. Not only the move, but I have to get back to get started living like a healthy person. Susan couldn't find her copy of SouthBeach diet. If anyone has hers or their own, would you let me borrow it, please? I don't want to spend 20$ on something I need for two weeks of my life. Let me know.

In case you don't know, I have had a HUGE crush on Robert Downey Jr. since Weird Science. That is a long time. We went and saw Iron Man tonight. It really was a good movie and I look forward to the second one. Here's the thing though, I could not take my eyes off of Robert. Seriously. I liked him dirty, bloody and hurt, dressed up, sleepy, mad, happy, cocky, gentle--all of it. It's those eyes of his. It didn't matter what else was happening in the movie, I was locked on him. Is anybody else feeling me on this? I swear he has not changed since the 80's and the drug abuse only gave his face character. The other one who really gets me is Dwayne Johnson aka The Rock. Sweet Mother of All That is Muscles and Manly! He is beautiful. And when he smiles I die. Kelly Ripa's husband was on the list too, but then I found out he is a Lilliputian. That's not a weird religion, but means he is very widdle.