I've Gone Nuts

I have my second fill tomorrow. If you'd been sitting beside me, you'd have heard me sing that with great jubilation. Bring on the fills!

If you've been following along, you've discovered my insanity by now, so the following statement should not come as a shock. I'm having anxiety about my appointment tomorrow. The fear is that they will tell me I'm there on the wrong date/time or they'll take forever to call me back and I'll be late for work.

What I need to know is this - Is everyone else as nuts as I am in their own little way, or am I truly nuts. I'm certain there are chemicals to help me feel better, but those also make you gain 20 lbs a year, so that ain't happening! (remember that from the psychologist months ago? that information slapped me against my fat cheek!) I wonder if married people don't obsess on these weird thoughts because they can voice them to their spouse who in turn can tell them to shut up and quit being stupid. There's never anyone here to tell me I'm stupid. And that's my whole problem.

I have another anxious friend with lots of issues about lots of things. (you, and several others, know who you are) She is single. Maybe she needs someone to tell her to shut up and quit being stupid. Oh, wait. Nevermind. We already do that and she tells us she knows it's stupid but can't help it. NEITHER CAN I!I am stupid and know it, but I can't quit.

No! You know what? I'm not stupid. The fear has some meat behind it. The last time I got excited about getting the band filled, I ended up a disappointed Bongo (see below) crying in my car in a parking lot on the phone with my surgeon's office. There is definitely reason to be worried.

Okay, WHEW! Got that whole mess worked out. See the beauty of journaling?

To recap:

fill #2 tomorrow

anxious

not crazy