Susan and I had decided that we would go hit these two places on Hwy. 380 -- so off we went. We went to this rustic furniture outlet so I could look at barstools. Susan ends up buying a very expensive but beeeeeautiful sofa for "my" living room. She is now officially ready for me to get out. We also went to the rustic furniture place on Main street. She bought a bench there. Got a good deal on it. It was funny--went out to look at barstools. I came back with nothing. She dropped a wad of cash. :) OH! We also went to Frisco's new Farmer's Market that the Lion's Club puts on. We bought produce and fish for a good Sunday dinner. Also, fresh dog treats. Ol' Maggie is the brand. Emily loves-loves them. I love-love my Emily.
The reflection has begun. I'd put off thinking about this whole surgery thing until I knew I was approved. Life can disappoint--you understand. This afternoon, I watched this chick's vlogs (those are video blogs. that wasn't a typo) on Utube. It was 10 months of her going through the process. She is now only 10-15 pounds overweight and was talking about all these issues that I remember from when I'd just gotten thin the first time in my life--after Medifast. You see fat chicks and want them to somehow know you are one of them--that you understand. You no longer stick out in a crowd as the fat chick. You're another regular girl so you've lost a bit of your identity and are a bit lost. You can eat in public without feeling as if everyone is disgusted that you're eating. You're just a girl eating. I was regular size for enough years that the other weird things I don't think will come back--the anxiety about being attractive and the change in my personality. As this girl was discussing what she was feeling, I started to cry. I'm remembering that there is much more to a radical weight loss than fitting in cute clothes. You have to find a way to fit your brain into your new cute body and identity.
I went into Susan's room. She was getting ready for a birthday dinner. There I am crying and I say that I am getting upset. We talked about it and I think I'm going to have to see one of my very expensive and educated professional friends through this. I've heard there is some post-surgery depression because you've done something so radical to your life. Isn't it weird that doing something that makes positive change in virtually every part of your life can be so scary? It amazes me how complex we are. It should be simple: you're fat-get skinny-be happy.
What it all boils down to is that I want to be healthy. I've never in my life thought or said that until now. I guess because for the first time in my life I am unhealthy. So, I'm looking at the "hotness that I will become" as a bonus. If you want to check out the chick I watched on Utube this afternoon, her videos are here: http://www.youtube.com/user/thebandinme
Tonight's dinner: chicken pasta with breadsticks. Gonna be a lot of bread in the diet because
there's none after they tag me. No tortillas either. I can't face that one yet. I'm going to have to pretend that I have an allergy. I guess foods that make you pucky (You may not know, but I like to call puke pucky) would count as that. That's a nasty allergic reaction I'd say. Might have to have a funeral for all the favorite breads I can't have. I smell a party theme! PERFECT.
The reflection has begun. I'd put off thinking about this whole surgery thing until I knew I was approved. Life can disappoint--you understand. This afternoon, I watched this chick's vlogs (those are video blogs. that wasn't a typo) on Utube. It was 10 months of her going through the process. She is now only 10-15 pounds overweight and was talking about all these issues that I remember from when I'd just gotten thin the first time in my life--after Medifast. You see fat chicks and want them to somehow know you are one of them--that you understand. You no longer stick out in a crowd as the fat chick. You're another regular girl so you've lost a bit of your identity and are a bit lost. You can eat in public without feeling as if everyone is disgusted that you're eating. You're just a girl eating. I was regular size for enough years that the other weird things I don't think will come back--the anxiety about being attractive and the change in my personality. As this girl was discussing what she was feeling, I started to cry. I'm remembering that there is much more to a radical weight loss than fitting in cute clothes. You have to find a way to fit your brain into your new cute body and identity.
I went into Susan's room. She was getting ready for a birthday dinner. There I am crying and I say that I am getting upset. We talked about it and I think I'm going to have to see one of my very expensive and educated professional friends through this. I've heard there is some post-surgery depression because you've done something so radical to your life. Isn't it weird that doing something that makes positive change in virtually every part of your life can be so scary? It amazes me how complex we are. It should be simple: you're fat-get skinny-be happy.
What it all boils down to is that I want to be healthy. I've never in my life thought or said that until now. I guess because for the first time in my life I am unhealthy. So, I'm looking at the "hotness that I will become" as a bonus. If you want to check out the chick I watched on Utube this afternoon, her videos are here: http://www.youtube.com/user/thebandinme
Tonight's dinner: chicken pasta with breadsticks. Gonna be a lot of bread in the diet because
there's none after they tag me. No tortillas either. I can't face that one yet. I'm going to have to pretend that I have an allergy. I guess foods that make you pucky (You may not know, but I like to call puke pucky) would count as that. That's a nasty allergic reaction I'd say. Might have to have a funeral for all the favorite breads I can't have. I smell a party theme! PERFECT.
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2 comments:
You are so brave to go through this- that's what I think. I have much respect.
Thanks, Kim. It is not going to be easy, but I've got to get this weight off.
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