Don't Blame Me, Sister

Photo Challenge Catch Up

2012-01-12T20:51:00.004-06:00

Once again, I'm reminded by a friend that I need to post to my blog. And so I shall. I needed something to do this weekend to burn off the hurt fee-fee's I have right now and Jilly-bean had the answer on her blog--- a photo challenge. It kind of reminds me of those BFF thingies we girls love to fill out. I even have one saved Daddy filled out for me. Thesed are his responses that made me grin..

1. You have ten dollars to spend at a gas station on snacks. What do you buy?

Daddy: peanuts and a V-8

2. Describe your mood.

Daddy: Pleasant.

3.Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with?

Daddy: Someone pleasant and warm.

4. If you could use only one form of transportation what would it be?

Daddy: limo

(genius)

5. Last time you ate gummy worms?

Daddy: Halloween

6. Do you have a picture of you doing a cartwheel?

Daddy: No way

7. Do other people consider you smart?

Daddy: You must ask other people.

8. How many piercings do you have?

Daddy: None that I'll admit.

9. Have you ever tried glueing your fingers together?

Daddy: Happened by accident, not good.

10. What time do you go to bed?

Daddy: As quickly as possible and stay as long as I can.

11. Last person you hugged?

Daddy: my wife.

Sweet ol' Daddy

I figured out what I want to be!

2011-04-04T23:02:00.004-05:00

I'm often (no exaggerating) asked if I'm Brazilian, Samoan, Mexican, Spanish, Argentinian, Persian, Native American, Eastern Indian, and any other ethnicity that has brown skin. I'm a white chick. Totally. It's been such an ongoing thing that Susan and I thought about doing a calendar of all the different women I appear to be for a joke. Being asked "what are you" is like being in a cast asked how you broke your arm. Same conversation, same reaction over and over again. Many of you reading this blog have been there to witness a conversation probably very much like the following.

Stranger: Excuse me, we were over at our table and couldn't help wondering what ethnicity you are. You're so dark with those light eyes.

Me: I'm a total white chick with a tiny drop of native American somewhere way down the line. Stranger: Really? I would have guessed (insert brown people here) because of (insert any one of my apparently dadgum exotic features here).

Me: Really.

Stranger: That's just crazy! You really look like you're (whatever they think)! Are you sure you don't have something else.

Me: Totally.

Stranger: Well, I'll bet your Daddy looked at the mailman twice! (or some other lame joke)

Me: I look like my Dad. No denying.

Years and years of questioning my ethnicity have caused me to look for a good answer. I was thinking if I had a cool answer, it would end the conversation. The other night, I was watching No Reservations (travel and food show) where they were in French Polynesia. I realized that if I, when asked, told curious strangers that I was French Polynesian they'd buy it and I wouldn't have to go through the whole thing. Who around here really knows what a person from there looks like exactly. If I say French Polynesian, it leaves it open to different choices of islands. If the stranger wants more specifics about my genealogy I can say I don't know. They'll leave happy and satisfied that they were able to spot a special something about me and I'll leave happy that I've fooled them.

Plop a pot of flowers upside down on my head and I'd fit in on almost any island. Bonjour!

This could be my family reunion for all anyone knows!

If you're out with me and "the question" comes--go with it! French Polynesian. I love it!

I'm going to buy this t-shirt to wear all summer when I'm super tan and my background gets super sketchy even with those who know my parents! You know I'm not kidding.

A Dieu!

The Squirrels of Bad Manor

2011-04-04T17:00:00.000-05:00

I don't know who owns and lives in Bad Manor, but I think they're geniuses. Look at what they do on their balcony. Fun with Squirrels!

Found at http://www.ustream.tv/badmanors Who ever you are--I love you!!!

Dirty Hairdo Friday

2011-04-01T17:00:00.001-05:00

There are other blogs that do Frugal Friday or Fun Friday, but not me. I don't even have time to wash my hair on a Friday! I mean, if you're going out Saturday it's going to be washed then. That makes it clean for church on Sunday too! Even beauty needs to be planned, as you well know. And by "you" I mean "most of you".

It's Friday, my hair is 2 days dirty and this is how I wore it for day 3, today, Friday, April 1.

I'd been wearing it curly for two days, but the waves had gone frizzy on me overnight. Well..over two nights actually. I had about two minutes to make this hair-do happen. So here's what I did. I straightened the bangs which get washed the night before as part of my face washing routine. I keep shampoo by the sink just for that. I added some product called Surf to the bottom skaggy, frizzy part. It's supposed to make your hair look as if it got wavy and clumped up from the salt water and breeze happening beachside. I did not even have time to spray some powder shampoo in there so you can just see the white hair beginning to show at the roots of my part. Like spring, they sprout forth and reveal rebirth of my old age, then I kill them with dye. There were all these fly away hairs on the section I'd pulled back so I grabbed this stuff that Jim, my hair guy, gave me a few years ago. It's like putty. He told me when he gave it to me that if you put on too much it would make you cry to Momma. I figured a wee bit of that could hold down a few fly aways. I'm growing the bangs out which is why they look long and crazy. I was running late to work, but still took time to take this important picture. Like those other fashion bloggers (wearing dirty hair is a fashion, right?) I knew you'd be disappointed if you didn't know how I had managed to make my unclean hair presentable with my tshirt and flip flops I wore to work today.

Fascinating writing, isn't it? How many days dirty will it be next Friday? What will it's style be next Friday? A pony tail, a bun? Or will she have the guts to wear it down?? I'll be at a church camp from Thursday night through Sunday, so it could be interesting. Don't you think for a minute I'll forget about YOU and your needs though.

What the hell Wednesday

2011-03-30T18:00:00.001-05:00

When I had this week's "What the hell?" moment I was looking at funny mugshots. You see, friends, even thugs get their hair done. They do not wake up with that "gonna knife you" look all together. It takes time, energy and some tattoo ink to make that happen. I thought about what my mug shot would look like if I were in the middle of doing my hair when the coppers busted down the door to take me away. I would probably be as ashamed at my appearance in the mugshot as I would be of a crime. And that mugshot would surely be on some website of funny mugshots. My hair is nearly all white. Far more salt than pepper. Personally, I prefer the hair color God started me out with, and thanks to modern chemical processes, I can have that color too! Keeping that color up reguires me to dye my hair a lot. Dark brown against white shows quickly! The process ain't pretty either, people. I have this hideous t-shirt that I wear everytime I dye. You can imagine how lovely it is. J.B. says that the way I look with the dye is not as bad as that ugly old t-shirt. When the slimy dye is in my hair, I tie it all up directly on top of my hair like a sumo's topknot.

Honestly, it looks like this dude is getting his hair dyed Clairol's Grey Matter Dark Brown #4 instead of being honored in a sumo topknot ceremony (which he is). Only difference in my look and the one he's got is the clean shirt. Well, there's usually dye on top of my ears too. Beauty treatments are never cheap, easy, pretty in process nor comfortable. Just sayin'.

Here are some mugshots of criminals who seemed to have been mid-hair appointment when they were taken in to police custody. The cops had them right where they wanted them--in the barber's chair under a cape sitting still so the braids were straight. They moved in and the thugs are off the streets. Plus we get some seriously unfortunately funny pictures.

This first guy looks sad and embarassed. He knows he's going to jail, knows his hair is FUNNY looking and knows we know. For his sake, as well as all the others, I hope there's someone in the holding tank who knows hair!

Now this dude, he knows he looks funny. Seems to be in on the joke. I like this guy because I see a sense of humor in him. An attitude of "Oh well...what are ya gonna do?" comes through, doesn't it? It's as if the camera man made a crack like, "I'm sure you're thrilled to have this mugshot," just before clicking the button. And the dude got the joke! Bless him.

This next one was precisely half way through his braiding when he was taken into custody and home slice does not think it's funny. You would NOT want to crack a joke about his hair. He knows the cops timed this on purpose and he is extremely angry about it all. It would have to mess with you "street creds" to have something like this out there on the internet. No matter how many tattoos are on your neck, you're going to look like a dork if you're mid hair process--whatever that process is!

New Schedule

2011-03-29T21:02:00.001-05:00

Friends often tell me that they're disappointed that I don't blog more. As a piece of art the Fouches gave me states, "It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time." Some of my stories are funny and friends love hearing them. The good ones are long and involved usually. I don't have the time to type it all out giving the story the animation and description it deserves. I considered vlogging those stories; however, sitting making a recording and loading it to the blog is not a fun after work activity. It's the kind of thing I help people with at work.

Let's talk about that for a minute. It just hit me how funny it is that I love my job because technology is a passion. On the other hand, sitting and enjoying online activities outside of work has lost its appeal for me because I'm there all day. I'm not into Facebook like the rest of the world. Interesting how that's turned out for me. They always say do something you love. I did and I still love it. When it's what you get to do, then you look for other ways to have fun when not at work. Friends used to tell me that I should've gone into party planning or event organizing. Perish the thought that I would have done so then not enjoyed entertaining in my personal life. Can you imagine? I digress.

I do not like disappointing friends, or anyone else for that matter. I had an idea that is once again based on other blogs I read. From here forward there will be "What the hell? Wednesdays". I can write about something I've seen or read that made me think, "What the hell?" I've written to you before about the girls who believe that others want to know what they're wearing and why. One such blogger has a "What I Wore Wednesday". To think that people care enough about your outfits, where they came from and why you put them together is a funny thought. (then again I write a blog believing that others enjoy reading my thoughts. then yet again, people tell me they DO.) Many Fridays, I am tired and it's always a day we can wear jeans and a tshirt to work. Due to those factors, many Fridays are dirty hair days. From here forward I will have "How I wore my dirty hair Fridays" on the Fridays when my hair actually is dirty and it is a Friday. This way you can have some tips from me to you, dear reader, about how to cleverly disquise your dirty hair. You're welcome.

I love this painting!

2011-03-21T18:30:00.000-05:00

Cool, huh?

The Wear on my Jewelry Parallels Wear on my Body

2011-03-11T23:00:00.000-06:00

Y'all! Two of my favorite pieces of jewelry are falling apart. Just like me. A bracelet I bought in Acapulco at the age of 19 and which has been worn dang near every day since has a big ol' dent in it. Made me nervous before today, but especially nervous since today. My body has dings and wrinkles and so does my bracelet. I'm afraid it will break.

There's a moonstone ring I wear nearly every day. I bought it when I was 28. It's 17 years old and things are dropping off of it. Things are dropping on me too. I won't give you a picture of those things, but you know!

Here's the ring as it should look--with stacked silver balls on the side.

I looked down today to realize that the balls had fallen off the other side! If I can find the stack I'll have them soldered back on. If I can't then the ring is unbalanced and weird.Check it. Unbalanced ring. Sad.

If you happen to find a stack of 5 sterling balls all together in your home, card or yard, please save them and let me know. Since I can't afford to solder this body back together, I might as well keep my jewelry in shape!

Pictures from our Little Cabin

2011-03-09T21:13:00.001-06:00

Look closely. The sign on this one says "Crazy Eddy Rd".

Since we live in Crazytown, we didn't bother going down that road.

Our cabin's name: Ponderosa.
The cutest firepit ever that was never used. The winds were so high that all those pine needles and pine cones on ground would've been lit up quickly! Pump house with fishing poles and other stuff to the right and the only other cabin is off to the left.

Isn't the porch great? We saw all this when we drove up and new it would all be okay.

A view from our porch

Left view from our porch. This is not Crazy Eddy Rd., but is the Road to Crazy Eddy Rd.

And now we venture inside the cabin...

Melissa is reading us the posted cabin rules. As if! We did find that the desk was full of games. Thought that was a nice touch. Please notice the cute decorations and the weinie/marshmallow roasting sticks hanging by the door.
99% of the decorations were perfect. And then there was one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. It was a Native American baby hanging on the wall holding a dream catcher. In spite of his name is, "He Who Hangs on Wall", I had to place him in the bureau drawer. And this was not my bedroom, but Michelle's. I couldn't have her waking in the night to see that thing AND "Crazy Horse" Staring back at her. Dang.

There was a cot folded up beneath He Who Hangs on Wall. He has it placed there in case he comes to life he'll have something to hop down on.

This is Michelle's room--with Julie's clothes and my pillow on it. We got out of there quick after spying baby creepy crawl.

Julie and I shared the room shown below. Melissa slept on the couch. What a trooper she is.

Here are the girls unpacking the kitchen. We've just dumped our bags. Still a bit stressed.

Feeling better now. Food being eaten, beverages being consumed. Ah!
Even the bathroom was so cute! Look at the door and the light fixture.

We were so pleased.

Outside the bathroom door, up above were some cute "sporty" things that I hear some people use for activity in the out of doors. I know nothing of such things.

This was taken Saturday morning. The camera was sitting on top of TV.

Look at that glow on Julie's face.

She is in love with the idea of shopping all day!

After shopping all day in the high, cold wind, we were cold to the bone so we lit the little wood stove fireplace and turned the heater on high. You can see the snacks are ready. The TV cainet is stocked with movies! We watched Chicago and some of us even dozed before dinner.

This was taken the day we left.

Cabin Fever

2011-03-09T20:24:00.011-06:00

Melissa, Michelle, Julie and I rented a cabin in Mineola. We were on a Canton shopping trip this past weekend. My time had come. As the old lady announced to her husband at the lunch table we shared with them, "You sat with a virgin!" Friends, I was the virgin. I'd never been to Canton. We'd been planning this trip for a long time. Michelle had the idea and made our cabin dreams come true! Pictures and discussion of the cabin, as well as shopping adventures, will follow. But let's talk about the trip, shall we? We shall.

Pretend you own a cabin. The cabin is absolutely great. It really is. It's cute, in a serene location just perfect for a little get away. You advertise your precious little cabin on the Internet and get business. Let me tell you where you mess up. You give directions that get you to the street (not the house) where your personal home is, but not to the cabin that is around the corner, down the highway, through two gates, past the big barn, through another gate just before "Crazy Eddy Road", through four wheelin' country of two big fields. It was the craziest thing I've ever seen. Well...one of the craziest. I did party a lot in the 80's.

We began in one car. Packed all our girlie bags and food and games and rain boots and snacks into one car and realized we needed two cars. No problem! We downloaded Heytell, an app that turns your phone into walkie-talkies. Michelle and I were in my car. I had two ear infections (God bless that magic elixir of a steroid shot the night before) and was on pain pills, so Michelle drove. Thanks to Google on my iPhone, we got a hold of some cool CB lingo to impress Julie and Melissa, our "back door". (Back door in cool trucker language means the car in the rear. Aren't those truckers so clever? I thought back door was slang for something else. 80's again, I'm sure.)

Traffic was only bad on 635 around Mesquite and Garland. Well, sure. Who doesn't want to get out there to those two beautiful cities? Duh. We have Mapquest directions. My job was to check off the steps of directions we'd completed using a purple pen. We laughed at first because it was so silly. "Merge on to 635 W," CHECK and "Slight right onto service road 899," CHECK And by "service road 899, they meant that little ramp that gets you from the exit to the actual service road. Weirdest robot directions either. I became frustrated, and as is my custom, pulled in some technology. I worked that GPS to verifiy and translate whatever the heck that Mapquest robot talk was trying to communicate. We would Heytell the back door if anything changed. And man, did it ever change.

People, you reach a point in certain areas where technology can't help you. You can't get an app of the stars when you're camping, let's say, because there is not a signal out there. We lose the cell signal just as sun sets. PEEEEERFECT. And by perfect I mean worst time ever. This is when those tiny country road signs and my purple pen checks telling us which roads we'd been on become so very important. No signal = no GPS + no communication via phone or Heytell. This is where the truckers have an advantage. I'll bet their CB radios would've worked way out there! Dang it.

We are a bit stressed, however it's under control. Michelle and I are navigating carefully, paying very close attention to the Mapquest directions. We quickly discover we cannot rely on the Mapquest directions. Mapquest measures half a block as 2.1 miles. That's right. It said to stay on a certain little country road for 2.1 miles, but it should have said, "turn left, then make immediate right onto the highway you really want." Thankfully, Michelle saw the sign as we whizzed past it trying to get up the road our 2.1 miles. Here began a pattern-Michelle could read dang near every sign, which were all on my side of the road. Strangely, I could barely make them out. We're the same beautiful age, so I just thought she ate her carrots which I cannot because of the band. (I can make anything that lap band's fault!) Later, as we pull up to the cabin we are told I have a headlight out on the passenger side. Dang it!

By now all four of us are tired, disconnected, feeling lost due to distrust of our directions and anxious. What's funny is that when we were still about 30 minute away, we all four seemed to decide that we should surely be there by now even though we had no idea really where it was or how far we'd come or had to go. I've thought about this strange occurence. I attribute this phenomenon to the number of turns we took. It was FAR too many turns onto too many winding country roads for us to not be sitting at that little, darling cabin! Where is the cabin?

FINALLY, we see the final street name to be checked off the list and turn onto it. There are only four houses on the little road, then it T's at another road. Tiny road, but we don't see cabins and don't see a sign saying Beaver Creek Cabins. Michelle thinks that maybe we should call the cabin proprietor and ask if we're in the right place. I say that it's a very short street and there are only four houses, has to be one of the four, let's look closely at the house numbers. Well, only one of the flipping mailboxes has a number, and it is not the right one. LOSING it now and the phone rings. Julie has bonused a piney woods phone tower signal and calls to see if we have any idea where we are. I assured her we hadn't just randomly chosen some tiny, dark road to turn on and that this was the road which freaking' Mapquest told us was our destination. I then abruptly hung up the phone, feeling that my and Michelle's intelligence were being insulted. Little did I know that Julie and Melissa were feeling even more insecure since they'd nearly been run over by a long haul truck and they did NOT have the magic of Mapquest. I have since apologized for my behavior. Michelle notices a porch light on at one of the four houses, so we pull up in front of this house. Everything is dirt, as it is in the Kountry country. Picture pine trees, free dogs and many dead skunks. Lots of skunk mating currently going on in the less developed areas, people. If any of them are left alive there is anyway. Maybe the skunks who can't get laid in mating season just commit suicide. I digress...

Michelle says it's time to call. I call. The lady wonders if we're in her yard...she'll look out the window and see. Then she starts chatting me up. All I want to know, lady, is one thing. Is we or ain't we smelling the skunks in your front yard. I did politely ask finally, oh yes I did. It was true. By luck, brains, one headlight and determination, we'd found her personal residence, but not the cabin. She and her husband would get in the truck and take us down there. We were so relieved to have someone taking care of us now besides stupid robot Mapquest. AH, we'd be having dinner in a matter of minutes. NOT.

We follow their truck through her gated yard, go down the tiny country road two houses, turn onto the highway go about 1/2 a mile, go through two gates, past the big barn, through another gate just before "Crazy Eddy Road", through four wheelin' country of two big fields and three miles later we're at the cabin. Now, how on God's green earth did this woman expect us to EVER find this cabin? I'm not kidding you people, it was behind a house through gates and far back through fields to this tiny cabin. Key on the desk inside the door. Like we'd just pull up and park. We never will understand it. It's almost like you have to really want to give them your money. OH! there was a sign on the gate off the highway. It was tiny and not lit at all, but did exist. Once you pull in that gate, there's house with 5 dogs chasing and barking. You have to make it beyond that house to drive behind yonder barn to drive past Crazy Eddy Road then the fields. You have to want to be there.

And so began our adventure.

YearbookYourself.Com

2011-03-03T19:45:00.000-06:00

FUN!

1978 Sara

Your local newscaster

197o Sara

Ya Dig?

The 80's were boring--I have too many pictures that look like those on the website. :)

Another good weekend

2011-02-27T19:17:00.001-06:00

Saturday I went up to Julie's in Ardmore. We had dinner with the lovely Frankye. Julie made us a wonderful ham dinner with a spinach salad that was exactly what Frankye loves! She was a happy woman with that salad. Julie always cooks up some yumminess. Thank you, friend. The thing to know about Ms. Frankye is that she is a District Supt. of the Methodist Church and she was there with me on my Walk to Emmaus. God worked through her and Julie both to bring me back to Him. They'd have to kill my dog for a bad reason for me to not like them! Ms. Frankye had to preach and speak at 3 services and a breakfast the next day so she took it home. Julie and I sat around the chiminea for hours upon hours.

MollyLolly paced (see below) as Julie and I talked. It was a clear night for stars. Technology was with us! I quickly downloaded a map of the stars and we got busy identifying. That was about all the science we were ready for, so the conversation changed to our little lives. God was with us too! Julie and I decided we would pray for each other for one month and journal during that time. I'm excited to see what God is going to do about this. Right there under the stars, we joined hands and prayed about it. It's so fantastic to have friends to pray with!

Sunday morning, Julie and I got up to go hear Frankye speak. What I love most about Frankye is her spirit. It does remind me of my daddy and my mimi. They all have the same feel to me. If you knew either one of them, or both, you know what I mean. Quiet, wise, strong, happy and down to earth. And if they speak, you listen.

Man! She can speak too! My standards for preachers is HIGH and I love listening to Frankye. The benchmark is Dr. Charles Isbell. I know Daddy would've respected her message and her speaking style. It was beautiful to hear her. Her message was based on a Psalm and had to do with a real relationship with Christ--Not a casual, convenient one, but the real deal. God is not playing with us. :) There are believers, church goers and true Christians who walk closely with Him throughout every day. To build that relationship takes some sit down time with God. It takes walking and talking closely to Him and believeing His word. She said that we have those who are our lovers, but Christ is the lover of our souls. How great is that?

Frankye is the one on the right

Next weekend...girls' weekend in Canton. We have a cabin and we are READY with food and fantastic attitudes. We are...

I swear, officer, I don't know how that got there!

2011-02-26T09:17:00.004-06:00

Get This! A woman with whom I work told me a most interesting story yesterday. For the sake of privacy we will call her FiFi. I'm going with FiFi, because I can. So here's the deal...a relative of Fifi dies and leaves their truck to Fifi's cousin. After having the truck for a while, Fifi's cousin no longer wants it. He sells it to Fifi and her husband to give to their daughter, a high school student. Fifi and her husband go get the truck (I think it was from out of state) and their daughter now has wheels.

Not long after getting the truck, Fifi receives a phone call from her uncle. Uncle seems a bit embarassed but soon gets to the point. Cousin phoned Uncle asking that he call Fifi to warn her. Cousin had a hidden stash of marijuana he'd hid in the truck then, as stoners often do, had forgotten was there! The high school student has been driving around with pot in her car! High schools regularly have drug dogs visit to sniff out drugs and booze in the parking lot and rest of the campus. Fifi said that if her daughter had been busted, she, like most parents, wouldn't have bought her daughter's line, "I don't know how that got in there!"
Fifi and her family crawled all over that truck looking for this hidden bag of weed. Cousin Cheech had some skills, because they couldn't find it. Fifi went to her school's police officer and asked if it would be possible to take the truck up to the police station and ask that one of their trained dogs could sniff it out. Officer Helpful had a better idea. He went to a website and searched for the truck model in a database. Voila! Up pops a list of hiding spots druggies use to hide their stuff in that particular model and make of truck. WHO KNEW?! This truck had four possible places. Sure enough, Cheech's bag of weed was sitting in one of them.

Fifi and her husband had the truck detailed to remove the smell. She took the opportunity of having a bag of weed to do something she'd not yet been able to--it's not what you're thinking. She showed it to her kids and let them smell it and know what it looks like. Great opening for a discussion. Officer Helpful told her to flush the weed when she found it. Fifi says she did.

Last weekend was fun

2011-02-23T23:15:00.003-06:00

Saturday I had a Table Warming Party for a new table I'd purchased. Never heard of one of those? Me either. I figured that needing friends around my new table was a wonderful reason to have a party. I cooked and prepared food all day Saturday. Later, I'll take and post pictures of the welcome penant banner and a new wreath I'd made for the event. My sister will be impressed with the craftiness.

Precisely two minutes before the party started, I knocked over my beautiful turquoise egg lamp that I'd waited so long to own. The bottom was busted looking like something had hatched out of it. I propped that thing up making it look like an abstract hatched egg. There are no pictures. I was busy! Sunday, when I was cleaning up the house before leaving for church I realized I have a nice, wooden lamp that has never been used. Voila, back in business.

The party was fun. After everyone mingled and ate, the music started thumping. We moved that new table aside, rolled up the rug and commenced to shakin' our groove thangs. At that point, the guys went (and by went I mean bolted) out to the porch to visit whilst we girls were inside dancing. When everyone is getting to do what they want at a party--that's a good party.

Here's all the girls...

And some of the guys...

Whatever it is JB is hearing in this one, I'm not sure he's believing it.

I hope everyone there had as good a time as I did.

Sunday, JB came in and pointed out to me that we have our first bloom in the yard! It's a butter and eggs daffodil. What's wild about that is that Kate had been telling me about butter and eggs daffodils just the night before.

I didn't realize they were named that, much less that there were any in the yard.

I really like this bulletin board which is right outside my office at my home campus.

Only the Best

2011-02-13T22:02:00.004-06:00

My special Valentine's Day date was, once again, my friend Susan. I found our being single is not to be pitied. I learned it is a truth while watching CBS Sunday Morning. This program has been on Sunday mornings since I can remember, and it's a magazine type show. LOVE it. They did a story this week on marriage and how it's not as popular a choice in our times. We knew that though. Studies show that the happiest people are not those who are simply in a marriage, it's those who are blessed with a happy marriage. This was followed closely by single women.

"Married people who are in good marriages are about as happy as you can get, followed by never-married single women 50 years and older who have discovered that, in fact, there are lots of pleasures in singlehood."

Stephanie Coontz, the author of a new book about the evolution of women in society.

They interviewed a woman, Ms. Scandurra, who lives a life similar to mine. Here's an excerpt...

When asked if married people are indeed happier, Coontz said, "Married people who are in good marriages are about as happy as you can get, followed by never-married single women 50 years and older who have discovered that, in fact, there are lots of pleasures in singlehood."
Jane Scandurra is one of them. A successful marketing executive, she owns her home, has her own boat, and a big circle of friends: Everything, it would seem, except a husband.
"The reasons you get married are no longer what they used to be," Scandurra said. "You used to get married in the past, you know, to have sex [because] no one had sex before marriage. You didn't have kids unless you were married. Now, people are having kids outside of marriage. And also, you know, women used to get married for financial security, because they didn't have any other way to sustain themselves. That's all gone."
Scandurra is co-producer of "Single," a documentary about the growing legion of the unmarried.
"I could very easily have gotten married, plenty of times," she said. "But I probably would have been a divorce statistic.
"I feel like I just didn't make a mistake."

From http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/02/13/sunday/main20031693.shtml?tag=cbsnewsTwoColUpperPromoArea

Like Scandurra, I could've married and been divorced like so many others, but I'm waiting for the life that so many of my friends have--that happy married life. One step higher up on life's happyometer. It's either that or I have to be 50 or older to reach singledom nirvana. Not sure what to hope for now--single and over the hill or over the hill and happily in love. It seems they both work! Hope your happyometer is high today!

Busted

2011-02-10T21:09:00.001-06:00

So, theoatmeal.com has some funny comics. One of the latest is "7 things you don't need to take a photo of". Their number one is below.

As a matter of fact, I DID order mangotinis at the Sunshine Celebration. Whatever.
Click here to see numbers 3-7.

It was a Sunshine Celebration (insert lisp)

2011-02-07T20:21:00.008-06:00

It was dang near exhilarating when I broke the garage door free of it's frozen bonds and was ready to get all "Roxy Fireball" on this town. I put my face on. I put clean clothes on. (Well, semi-clean. I'd worn the jeans to dinner, but that's it, so pretty close to clean!) Full on makeup and clean hair. Even my manicure was a fresh one. My homies and I congregated, as we tend to do, around margaritas. We started at Casa Rita around 2:30. Our waiter was a sweet little 19 year old boy. It was his fourth day as a waiter. Sweet little thing seemed both thrilled and terrified to have us at his table. Can you imagine? 4th day and in walks Susan, Courtney and me. Susan promised him we'd be gentle. And so we were. His Indian name is HeWhoJacksupOrders; but we overlooked that, because we were together in clothes with lip gloss on thinking we were hilarious. Just try to tell us we weren't.

The sun came out and so did we. Tweet, tweet!

At 6 pm we checked the temperature because we still didn't believe it wasn't going to "get ugly". Well, it got ugly but it wasn't the weather. You see, at this juncture we knew we couldn't stray far from home because of those funny slick spots they keep pushing on the news. We made the choice to go to Down Under Pub, a.k.a. Frisco Disco. We were there before the band had even begun to set up so lots of time to "think about things".

We only heard the band's name once and don't remember it. They were really good! They did it all--rock, country, even some rap. So fun. And the crowds started coming in.

We are so happy!

Courtney had been inside so long that she needed a stretch before the dancing began.

Please do notice her boots, she might want you to see them.

Shout out to Sam the Cab Man (469-583-3014 Tell him Sara and friends sent ya)

This picture is my favorite because Susan looks scared. She went home not long after this was taken. Courtney and I were on our own. There are no pictures. We were busy.

Style to Inspire

2011-02-04T18:42:00.004-06:00

My friend Jill follows many blogs. One of them is a young woman's blog who poses and has her picture taken in her outfits. Then she discusses them. The woman did not make them, but has styled them. I visited the blog to look at a hair style Jill wanted to show me. I saw the cute hair, then I read through the blog a bit. What I came away with is that this girl LOVES herself. She posed and styled and just KNOWS we all want to see what she's wearing. I'm just hoping that no one at campus B notices I wore Tuesday's outfit to campus A the day before. I just want to do the best for my figure (a perfect apple, thank you!) and maybe someone will tell me I look good in a color. But this little blogger, she had her dad take her picture as she posed by brick walls and train tracks so that the world could share in her stylish ideas. They found the perfect graffiti wall that she normally hated but it made just the perfect background for her outfit. Wouldn't she just ADORE the fields of bluebonnets to show off her denim styles? You know she would! Well. I've had some stylish ideas myself this week, and I thought I'd share them with you. Surely you can pick up some tips because I'm so clever and stylish. I KNOW you want to see me when I'm looking cute. You must, because I'm so cute. And by cute I mean slobby with no makeup.

Today

I'm wearing flannel pajamas with owls and snow trees all over them. The long sleeve t-shirt layered underneath gives it a dressier feel. The blue socks have paw print grips on the bottom which add another bit of whimsy to this already fun outfit. Very rare and expensive. You'll only find those at hospitals. They gave them to me when I had surgery. The ramp I'm leaning on is the ramp my elderly, deaf and mostly blind dog uses to get into bed. She has to sleep with me because I need to know when she wakes in the night and needs to go out and do her "business". Lucky me! It was the cutest thing to pose on--cute angle and unassuming color. Just perfect!

I've had a couple of jeans outfits. One was when JB and I were going to play Wii. I felt I needed to be a bit more "dressed". And by dressed I mean brush my teeth and hair. That day, I had on jeans and a brown sweater. This out fit above (forgive the poor photo) was for dog walking. I wore floral goulashes to lift everyone's spirits with my joyful boots. Saw noone on the walk, but oh, my feet felt happy as they sludged through the snow.

This was yesterday's outfit. The pants have a fun LOVE appliqued down the leg--the o is a piece sign. The "over sized" sweatshirt is a size 4x from when I was much bigger. You see what I've done is a mix of vintage (old sweatshirt) and modern (pants). My hair was worn with the bangs clipped back. Please notice that today, day four, is when I've taken all pictures so clothes have been dug out of dirty laundry and bed wasn't made today. I gave up on it today.

This was Tuesday's outfit. Once again, over sized and vintage with an undershirt to make it dressier. The hat was added that day because the house was so cold until JB came and lit the fireplace.

I do hope I've inspired you with my styles to create your own. I'll bet you had your own cute look going on at your igloo though!

Luck and Coping Skills

2011-02-03T18:12:00.015-06:00

About a month ago, I ordered a lime green, medium sized, silk, round Indian floor pillow. 'Bout the size of an ottoman. I got it for a deal at The Foundry. What was sent was a very expensive, very large silk turquoise, fully embroidered floor pillow. Like some cultures might lay around on to watch TV or eat dinner. The box it came in is as big as the clothes dryer, so I knew something was weird before I opened the box. It was silk, but not lime green, not round and not a at all what I wanted. JB agreed to take it to the shipping center in the back of his truck to return because it wouldn't fit in the back of my car. I did the online return process and when finished the system told me, "No need to return your order, your credit is being processed immediately." I was a bit confused. I phoned them and was told that I could indeed keep the giant, beautiful silk floor pillow because it would cost too much for them to pay the shipping to return it. I GOT IT FOR FREE! I guess they were sold out of the lime green small round one and sent this instead. So...I now have a beautiful floor pillow kept rolled up behind a chair for when people are over playing games or needing a nap. J.B. is holding it in the picture below. It's so big, you can't see him! Look at the beautiful silk and embroidery.

Laid out, it's larger than my coffee table which has sari fabric underneath glass. If you've been here, you know there's an eclectic vibe going on with strong Mexican and E. Indian veins running through it, so this thing works here. Just perfect for game parties!

See how thick and cushy it is?

I laid it out to play Words with Friends (Givemetx name, hit me up) and Lolly found it super comfy too!

COPING SKILLS

I love using my fake lisp to say "slick spots". The media has been saying it throughout the newscasts all day. I repeat it back to them each and every time. That's just one of the many things that have helped me keep my sanity during the, after tomorrow, four days of being frozen in the house. I am stuck in my igloo. I have tried repeatedly to open my garage door. No Luck. I gave it three tries in a row yesterday and saw it begin to bend in its efforts. Not wanting to buy another garage door from a stupid mistake, I quit. Did try again today (remember the definition of insanity?) to no avail. STUCK!

SOUP

I've made lots of soup this week. Tonight it was a delicious New Orleans corn bisque with sausage. Yum. It has potato in it and turkey kielbasa. I use fat free half and half instead of cream. I had soup for lunch yesterday, then salad for dinner. Baking has been avoided even though my bored mind has considered it but this would naturally lead to bored eating of baked goods. And you KNOW I'd bake something that would go down super easy.

These above are the left overs of Tuesday's cream of broccoli, Wednesday's creamy taco soup (shout out to Jill) and lunch today which was tomato basil Parmesan. Tomorrow will be butternut squash soup. Obviously, next week's menu plan is already in place.

THE LITTLE HEATER THAT COULD

This little oil heater has been a life saver! JB got one too (shout out to Karen). We love them. If there's a little draft by the windows, you roll it over there and no more draft. It's really given the house heater a break.

WOOL SOCKS FROM BETH

Wool socks are no joke. Light but so warm. My always amazingly crafty and generous with her talents sister, Beth, made these for me. They are the second pair she made for me, because without thinking, I put the first pair in the dryer. I know, I'm dumb and she's got all kinds of crafty talent. If you know me, you know the fruit of my sister's many talents. Mad skills, yo.

MOLLY LOLLY

Angel in dog form. Sweet, sweet baby. (I love that little moustache that comes out in the pictures of her.) Mol-Mol has kept us busy by demanding to go out 100 times a day. If you don't let her out she does circles around the kitchen breakfast bar. JB is so sweet that he's now taken her for two big walks. I've learned that she will stay out about 10 minutes at a time. Left her out a bit longer today and she actually jumped and scratched at the door. An Emily move from way back, I am programmed to respond. Here she is going out again.
Notice the ice that was once blown in sleet spilled into the porch? Looks like someone spilled a large bag of sugar into the porch!

This is a close up of the ice built up around the screen porch door. Shows how thick it is. Looks fluffy. It is not. It's SOLID.

The birds are all over the bird feeder and Molly is a bird dog so her job is to watch them. She's an over achiever. Molly checks both doors of porch constantly while out.

WINE

Keeps me mellow so I don't lose it from a pacing man and a pacing dog. Plus it's good for me!

FRENCH HORNS AND CHAI TEA

Hydration is important.

COMPANY/ROOMMATE

Thank goodness I haven't lived alone during all this. It's someone to talk with, cook for and who walks my dog. God bless, JB. :)

That's what's going on here. What's been going on in your igloo?

This is too much

2011-02-02T21:00:00.000-06:00

I posted this in May before I had surgery. It's so true! I can even hear me saying it. Too funny.

Special Like Christmas

2011-02-01T21:01:00.007-06:00

There's something so very cool about a "snow day" off of work. There's is this instant relaxation that overtakes the world. The morning rush is gone in a poof! No makeup and hair up in a pony tail all day. Delightful special surprise. It's as if everyone at the same moment takes a relaxing sigh, makes some hot chocolate and grabs a book. I don't mind the make up day in the spring because I know those are coming. It's surprise snow make up days that would bother me! (Oh, Sara, by the way. You'll need to work this Saturday to make up for that snow day in January. HUGE bummer) These snow days are complete surprises. We are gifted with an excuse for laziness. The night before is like Christmas Eve--you wonder what special things the next day holds. Will we go to work or not? Then you get the call. Everyone is home, so work isn't really backing up. You might have to reschedule a few things, but it worth it. Snow days are special like Christmas because nearly everyone is staying home. Everyone is having a day in with the family.

I felt for the people who were stuck in downtown Dallas on a mix master behind a jackknifed truck. Some were backing their vehicles up. Some waited in their car. While watching the news, I saw a dude who was parked on the interstate get out of his car to put on his coat then got back in his car. It was 20 degrees and sleeting with 45 mph winds but he couldn't find a way to wiggle into that coat while in the car? As he got back in the car, I wondered if he regretted getting out and thought himself the dummy that he appeared to be. I also wondered if all the drivers on the road regretted leaving home at all. When I see those people on the highway in weather like this, I wonder what it is they do that is so important to them, or to others that, no matter what the dangers, they must get there. Health professional or checker at grocery store. Both equally important on a day like today.

Mother and I spoke on the phone today. We discussed earth becoming an Ice Age situation. Yeah, Ice Age as in the movie. Mom said that one could clearly see from those movies that the earth being covered with ice is not a good deal for earth's inhabitants. (she's funny) Mom had been thinking about how maybe our galaxy has seasons like earth does. INTERESTING to think about. And seriously, God's wonders are so far beyond our pea brains that how would we know they don't? I don't need some Googlemeister or science geek to send me a thesis on it, but it's an interesting thing to ponder, but not too deeply. Once I start thinking about the galaxy and trying to imagine anything beyond it, my brain freezes up just like a computer does when you click on things too quickly. I just freeze up to work on it, realize I can't and have to reboot to clean it all out.

Imagine living in Elizabethan times when all there was time for was primping, partying, playing music and pondering. They got into far deeper thoughts than we do. We don't have to ponder. We have the Internet. See how the world has improved thanks to technology? NO thinking required. Progress!

This morning, JB and I were watching the news. They were in the convention center for Superbowl stuff going on. Lots of booths set up with swag and information and who knows what. The next Superbowl will be in Indianapolis. Indy had a big booth proudly showing their city and highlighting its wonders. Newscaster, Ms. Clarice Tinsley went and spoke to the rep at the Indy booth. That rep explained thatin their city they have 4800 hotel rooms within blocks of the football stadium and those hotels are all connected by tunnels to the stadium. You never have to even hit the weather outside at all if you don't want to. She said they do have lots of snow in January, but that THEY know how to handle weather. (Oh, girl, you did not just say that on Dallas news.) She strongly implied that we here in Dallas do not know how to handle weather. I turned to JB and said that we here in Dallas consider a month of over 100 degree days "weather" and WE know how to handle that. Bet they don't. We'd build tunnels but there is no way we could ever afford to keep the air conditioning at the desired public-space setting of a chilly 70 degrees. Forget tunnels. We'll just use our car a/c. See? We do know how to handle weather.

During this historical cold weather, I'm thankful to God for blessing me with a warm, nice home where the heater works well and healthy food with good wine for today...and tomorrow. All day I kept thinking of those who don't have a warm home to go to. I stood out in my backyard today and felt the weather and thought about that. About how it would feel if I was walking the streets, hungry and cold. How horribly lonely that must be.

This was a long, rambling post. There are about four more topics from today I have in my head to write about, but I've gone on plenty long. Hope you're warm, well fed and loved tonight too!

Here's a drink for you on these cold days. A French Horn. In a mug of hot chocolate, throw in a shot of brandy and 1/2 a shot of almond liqueur. Top with mini marshmallows or whipped cream. I've never met anyone who didn't just love them.

What is up with this?

2011-01-30T21:27:00.000-06:00

click on the picture to read

Two Thoughts I Love...

2011-01-27T22:09:00.005-06:00

A loving person lives in a loving world.
A hostile person lives in a hostile world.
Everyone you meet is your mirror.
- Ken Keyes

People see what you do.

God sees why you do it.

That one I hear on The Message on Sirrius Radio. I think it's SO good.

I sprained my toof!

2011-01-26T22:23:00.003-06:00

The dentist checked my sore tooth out thoroughly. This wonderful man, Dr. Hazim, is a perfectionist, so I know I'm in good hands. My tooth is not cracked, nor has the filling fallen out. It seems that the bacon bit hit that tooth's nerves and opened those puppies up. They gave me Sensodyne Pronamal to put on it several times a day. He said this will get those nerves to close up. I'm also to wear a night guard until it gets better. It is getting better already, but I think that's because it did not cost me $1,000. Dr. Hazim doesn't want me using the $40 night guard from Walgreens. He wants me using his $350 custom night guard. He brought it up again for the 8th time. He said, "I really want you to get a night guard." I said, "I really want you to pay for a night guard." The nurse smiled and clapped her hands applauding me--all behind his back.

My teeth were cleaned too. I want you to know that I could be the poster child for dental hygiene. The nurse wishes I was in her chair ALL day because I made her job "so easy". I'm telling you, I made that nurses' morning with my smart a** comments and wonderfully clean teeth.

What a difference 6 months makes! This visit cost me nothing and there was no pity in their eyes. Dr. Hazim was even showing off my implant to the nurses. (Those are NOT breast implants. I have a tooth implant.) I should've blogged all through the implant process. What a saga that was! Could've been a good made for TV movie. Maybe a Lifetime movie if I'd fallen in love with or been beaten by one of my Dr.'s.

I had a friend in college, Shelley. She LOVED those Lifetime movies. As you can imagine, I can't watch 5 minutes of them. Me and all my girlfriends live those movies. I know about the romantic scam artists; the loving teacher being falsely accused of having an affair with an underage before being redeemed when the kid (and by kid I mean jerk) admits he lied while on the stand; the responsible girl getting locked up for drunk driving; mentally ill relatives; and the husband who steals from his wife while he pretends to be someone he's not. We not only have the t-shirts, we're selling them.

It's like horror movies. Why do people watch? Life is scary enough. I can feel suspense when I walk to my car across a dark parking lot after hours at Wal-Mart. My adreniline pumps when I think a cop is pulling me over for speeding. I get nervous if I buy boots then can't remember if made the car payment yet.

Carb cravings are leaving. I think they're leaving through my intestines because they have been cramping since yesterday. Ringing the welcome bell to all the vegetables returning, no doubt. Last night I made spicy chipotle turkey burgers and they are DELICIOUS. I had them with steamed cauliflower and boiled squash and onions. YUMMY. I even brought one for lunch today with my favorite shredded lettuce for a salad. I may have black beans with one for dinner.

The Bacon Bit Bit Back

2011-01-24T21:13:00.003-06:00

Last weekend, after Riverdance, Mom and I stopped at Chili's. Mostly because it was late and nothing else but iHop and Frisco Disco (Down Under Pub) were open. I got a cobb salad. Someone in the kitchen must've been terrified to send out raw bacon, because it was dang near charcoal. No, charcoal would've actually broken apart. This had gone past that to diamond. So I bit down on a diamond of a bacon bit and hurt my tooth. I thought it was just kind of sore but now it hurts. I will find out in the morning how bad it is--and by bad I mean how much money it will cost. The pain is bad enough that I thought I'd take some of the vicoden I have left over from my sinus illness last year. Now I'm floating around and my ears are popping. Watching a movie is probably the best thing for me. Or petting Lolly...or maybe just staring at that spot on the wall and thinking about it all...

I got my hair cut last night (finally), and Jim, who cuts my hair, just had kidney stones. He’s 3 years older than me. He was wondering what happened to the days when we were younger and things just went away. You just waited and it would take care of itself. Now it gets worse. I had been hoping that maybe that bacon bit just wounded my tooth. Jim assured me I was wrong. It was jacked up and not going to go away.

First day of detox is over. It went well. The good thing about it all is that I love healthy foods too. I just have to get back into the habit of eating them again. I cooked up some squash and onions and some cauliflower so that I have those ready to go in the eve. When I eat good food, my lap-band has an opportunity to work. I eat the meat first and fill up very quickly. A year of "working around the band" has gotten me nowhere.

If you've been with me at all in the past year, you know that party foods are the easiest for me to get past the band. Seems horribly unfair, doesn't it? If you think a lapband will take away all the hard part of dieting, you are sadly mistaken. Chinese food is still not an option, but really crispy thin crust pizza (on a good day) is. Chips and queso? EASY as long as the chips are the thin ones. Cheese grits will go down if you have them after coffee has loosened the band up. Cookies and most cakes--not a problem. Booze? Well, hide and watch, friend. I could go on and on. So you see, losing weight with a lap band does take dedication and work. If you're reading this because you're interested in a lap band, please understand that the good stuff is really good stuff once you have a band because it's delicious AND you can eat lots of it. Wish me luck on day two of the two week detox, friends. And that dang toof.

There, but for the grace of God, go I

2011-01-23T21:11:00.005-06:00

When you are complaining about how dirty your house is, or how expensive a home repair is, or how your blue carpet is out of style, etc., at that moment, imagine how beautiful and luxurious your home would be to someone who lives on the streets sleeping on cardboard. Imagine how a homeless person would view your situation. I imagine they would be so happy to have the privilege of waking from sleeping in a bed and putting their feet down on your outdated carpet, or to be able to have a home with a squeaky staircase, or whatever. This thought changed my entire perspective on the blessings God gives me--even the blue carpet. We forget how good we have it. I've thought before, when I was out of coffee at home, that it was just horrible to have to wait to get to work to have a cup. I could be living in a plastic tent camp. Thanks to the Lord that I'm blessed to have a warm, nice home with comfy beds and room for friends, family and dogs.

What a lovely, lovely day it's been

2011-01-22T20:37:00.008-06:00

Click on the pictures one by one for a larger view where you can read those tiny words.

Lovely quiet day at the house. I got lots done, including decorating with all the killer deals I've gotten lately. LollyMolly napped and ate.

Cheese, Vodka, Butter, Chips, Jesus and Laughing Gas

2011-01-21T19:15:00.000-06:00

This week, as I've eaten cheese, butter and chips washing it down with vodka and hot chocolate, I've been thinking. Why am I me? Why am I different, yet so many parts of me are still the same stubborn parts. Why won't all the hot chocolate dissolve even when there's rum and almond liqueuor in there. Why do my jeans still fit? (That one I figure is due to the magic of spandex in the denim.) I've also been miserable and unhappy with myself. I've been a bit grumpier than usual and I know it's because I'm not taking care of myself. Why the sabotage on my own personal joy?

Even with all these thoughts, I've been driven to terribly bad food for a while and it's snowballing. It scares me. The thing about my faith is that I have believed that Jesus has it covered if I'll ask for help and be looking and listening. What was scary was me being in the equation.I was getting scared I was going into hiding from Him again. Old behaviors come back so easily. I want the thoughts I had at 300 lb's, the ones that left me feeling depressed, angry and unloved, to go to the bottom of the ocean. And why can't that happen?

I love the time driving to Denton for church or choir practice. I listen to good music and pray. It's built in devotional time for me. This Wednesday I heard a song that talked about how none of the old me has to remain at all. I can happily let that go. I want to be the real Sara all the time. I was made to be loved for love's sake not for anything I've done or will do. Not losing all the weight yet doesn't have to be a weapon I use to beat myself up. It certainly does not mean I have to accept defeat and gain weight.

Those are all the deep thoughts I've had lately. This morning, I knew what I needed to do. My liver is not sexy. I have to get my liver sexy again!! I've got to detox for a couple of weeks to lose these cravings. Nothing nutty. Only good, very low carb foods for a couple of weeks. I'll lose the bloat, and maybe a pound or two; I'll lose the cravings for the carb loaded stuff too.

This weekend I have no solid plans. I'm going to relax. I'll prepare my cupboards and my mind for the switch. I am going to Walmart later to prepare for this. I think part of why Walmart is a drag is that noone is happy to be there--outside of a couple of teens who finally saved up enough for that new video game. Maybe if they put laughing gas in the air it would be a better experience. Well...DUH! That was a ridiculous statement, wasn't it?

Speaking of laughing gas....It had never made me laugh. It certainly would throw me a fine buzz, but never laughing. Until my tooth implant surgery that is! I was a laughing mess. I'm talking full on Sara cackle. I turned to the staff in the surgery room and told them that I finally understood why it's called laughing gas! I also apologized for being so ridiculous. Not long after that I was given the magic shot and was OUT. The surgeon told me I talked during the surgery and they'd never seen anyone do that before me. I probably had jokes. Hilarious things I had to say -- anesthesia or not. My humor must be heard! I woke and was told that I would not be able to eat with my "flipper" (cute word for fake tooth) in, I was no longer laughing, but crying. I always thought it was hard to feel cute on crutches. That's a breeze compared to self esteem when you are missing a tooth in the FRONT of your mouth. Less sexy than a stiff liver.

Like many things, it's all because I wore high heels

2011-01-18T19:53:00.003-06:00

I'll get back to the high heels in a second.

My yearly physical did not go well. Not at all. It's become depressing to go to the Dr. What's interesting is that in order to get medicated for depression, you have to visit the Dr. See how that works? The good Dr. told me that I'm fat, old enough to never miss a mammogram (old) and "as we speak your arteries are clogging." I've been bummed for two days now. Another funny thing about all this. When I'm bummed, I want to eat. See how that works?

I've lived my life as if I'm on vacation. To steal Mr. Fair's words, no one has ever cheated me out of a good time. I've prided myself on this. What has it gotten me? A terrible body, bad blood and iffy boobs. There is also something going on in my pelvis. It hurts when I move it and it hurt when the Dr. poked around on it. I'm convinced it is lupus or MS or something equally as horrible. Dr. laughed at that but drew some extra blood to check anyway. He offered me prednisone to help but I took a non steroidal prescription. Probably not lupus based on the prescription. You never know though!

I had planned to go to the store after work. I was going to hit Wal-mart (only because I need my oil changed and tires rotated), unfortunately, I wore high heels to work today. Maybe you can shop big groceries in high heels, but I'm just not that good of a woman. Plus, there's the whole lupus in the pelvis situation. Wouldn't want to exacerbate that, now would we? So, I had a good excuse to go home, get in my pajamas and paint my nails. I feel like I did before I started the big diet in 2008--I'm panicked to eat everything I enjoy really quickly before starting. I realize this is ridiculous, but it eases my mind somehow. Yes, somehow packing on a few last minute pounds makes me feel better. Let's not go into that though. Therapy wore me out already in this life. Let's leave it and walk away.

So, friends, my blog will live again. I will write to amuse and inform you with my dieting and my life. I feel it's better to blog and if you give a flip you can tune in. If you don't give a flip then why are you here anyway?

Will she go to the store and buy heart healthy food tomorrow or will she eat the leftovers still in the fridge? (money is money after all and food ain't free!) Stay tuned to find out...

The No List

2008-10-30T21:02:00.003-05:00

There is some new stuff on the NO List. To make the NO List, a food has caused me enough pain, usually for 3-6 hours, that I will never go back. Once you've experienced a NO List food this way, you lose your appetite for it. People wonder how I can survive without the wonderful things in life like bread. It's sort of like breaking up a bad relationship that used to be a really good one. You miss the relationship when it was a good one and do remember the good times; however, you recognize that is not the relationship you would have with him now. Allow me to correct myself. It's EXACTLY like that. I miss General Tso and his chicken, but there ain't NO way we'd have the same love affair!

Here is the list as it stands.

No List:

Chinese Food
Courtney has informed me that MSG swells in the stomach to make you feel more full. That would be a NO! I've tried two things that I thought would work and they did not. Not at all.

Scrambled Eggs
Scares me just thinking about it. Eggs are tricky. Sometimes, I'll fry a couple and only eat the yolk. The white stuff can mess a day up!

Pork
I had to leave work and barf slime 4 times before the pork and I broke up.

Bread in any form
About two fills ago, I had a certain roll dipped in barbeque sauce, and it worked. I tried that again Sunday. 6 hours later, I realized that bread and I are done. I never want to see bread again.

Carrots
Orange bits of rock blocking band.

Raisins
Small and evil. Just the perfect size and strength to block a small opening. If you just got banded and are reading this, trust me.

Microwaved meats
Expecially left over chicken. It never works and scratches the side of your stomach as it goes down slooooowly.

That leaves many foods to enjoy. The thing I've been enjoying the most is thin tortilla chips and queso. Goes down so good! I can also still enjoy corn tortillas which I've always loved, so I'm happy. Much of the Mexican food can still be enjoyed. Sometimes you deeply need some good Tex-Mex. I eat refried beans often. Also, light vienna sausages and cottage cheese are favorites. A week ago I was down 54 lbs. I need to get back to all protein because I lose weight so quickly on that. Since so many vegetables are difficult to eat, it gets boring. It's been about a month of just eating what I can. Time to refocus. I know I can do better.

I did finally purchase some pants that fit. They are 4 sizes smaller than what I'd been wearing. When I wore them to work this week, people finally could see the difference. People had been saying how much thinner my neck and face look, but never mentioned anything else. It's because they really couldn't see it. I was swimming in my clothes. Jewry comes this weekend and we're going to go get me some more things. I have no idea what top size I wear, but it is NOT the size that is in my closet.

Speaking of clothes too big, I did go as a Polygamist Yearning for Zion LDS woman to Halloween parties all last weekend. Cindy was my "sister wife" and her fun boyfriend, David, was our husband. We called him "father" all night. The entire story, with pictures to illustrate, will be unfolded for you Sunday night. My dress was about 5 sizes too big. I wanted to show off my recently excavated waist, then realized that wasn't very modest of me.

Miss me?

2008-10-13T19:11:00.003-05:00

I'm back. It's just been so busy that I've not had time to be thoughtful and write. Tonight is the night though. I have found that I've missed writing, even though there's not been time nor inclination when time does allow. All the stars and planets have aligned tonight so that I can sit down and write the news and my thoughts.

First, let's talk lapband, shall we? Let's. I've lost 50 lbs. YEA ME! They are very proud of me at the "fill station". The dr. there told me that they couldn't ask more from me. I'm right on track. I greatly appreciate knowing this because I do, about once a week, take a day or two to eat chips and queso. Yes, chips go down quite easily and the queso and margarita helps. Seriously. I soak the chips in the queso, they soften then I drink the margaritas with them. Drinking, as many of you may remember, is a no-no. I feel like I'm being bad when I drink and eat and I guess I am.

My sweet tooth is gone. Very rarely do I crave something sweet and when I do, one or two bites takes care of it. WEIRD! I don't understand the magic, but I accept it. I've now had 4 fills and I think we're getting there. With this latest fill, I can eat about 3/4 cup of food before it hurts my chest. I should probably stop 1-2 bites before I do. I just had it Thursday and still am not to solid meats, so definitely in the learning mode. Learning=Pain.

After each fill, I'm convinced I'll never be able to enjoy food again and have a night of pain and sadness. Don't feel bad for me though--it's just part of the process I think. After 4 fills, I have seen the pattern. It's kind of like when you're PMS-ing and insane. You know that it's a momentary insanity (although some of us have to write letters to ourselves to remind us that it is the hormones. I'm not going to name names ((really)), but I have a friend who would get so insane with her PMS that she wrote herself a note to be handed to her by her boyfriend when she was in crazy mode. This note was from my friend to herself. If memory serves me, which is always questionable, the letter reminded her that she was insane from hormones only and asked herself to calm down. This could be a Seinfeld episode.) So I have an evening of being distraught while I'm in pain from eating soup, let's say. The next day, I begin to heal a bit more and the sun starts to come out. Today was a better day, but Saturday night, I had my first full fledge puking. NOT your regular deal here either.

I had soup for dinner on Friday night at Chili's. Chicken enchilada soup--devine! It was so good that I ordered two more orders of it to go. I successfully ate it for lunch on Saturday, then was having it for dinner and it was a no. A big, big NO. So there I am in horrible pain, spitting slime into a cup for an hour and a half. I go ahead and get ready for bed, lay down to watch tv. I know I'm going to be exhausted when it finally passes. After a while in bed, I start coughing. Cough, Cough, Cough PUKE! All over my sheets and comforter. I didn't care that I had to clean the bed, the pain was gone!

I can only imagine the freak show that the first lap band person must've lived. I'd have thought I was dying if I didn't know someone before me had been successful at this business. Crazy Crazy stuff, friends. With this last fill, I'm not completely sure what the yes and no list is these days. I'm going to be eating mostly mushies for another week. That soup incident fuh-reaked me out. (Remember, I go into detail for those of you curious. If you aren't curious, skim on.)

No clothes in my closet fit me. None. Every pair of pants I own that I can get into can be taken off without unbuttoning them. If they have to be unbuttoned to be removed, I can't get my butt into them. I have maybe two shirts that are flattering. I'm smaller than people know I think but you can't tell because my clothes are all so big. I'm not buying until I absolutely must. Getting close to that point. Happy problem to have, I suppose.

I bought a Wii system and some games. I rationalized it by saying that I won't buy a gym membership and the games will get me off the couch some. I did buy Dance Dance Revolution Hottest Party. I'm cool like that and I have hot parties. Hot parties where we bounce around like dorks. Sexy, hot, partying dorks. My neice and nephew are going to love it. I think my 'rents (that's parents) will enjoy it more than they know.

Let me tell you about painting. It sucks hot wind. SUUUUUCKS. Never again. One wall is Pool Party blue, the other is Island Orange. I adore the colors. They are exactly what I'd envisioned. Island Orange took a primer coat then a gallon and a quart of paint and it still could've used two more coats. I surrendered to the wall. It won. Looks grrrreat, just as it is. It took me two evenings from 4:30 to 8:00 and one Saturday morning from 8-12 along with 3 trips to Lowes. My equipment kept getting upgraded. It was only two walls, so I thought the cheap equipment would do it. Negatory. I wanted the good stuff by the third trip and I bought it. The trim still needs two touch ups and I can't face it. It calls to me, but I ignore it. Doesn't bother me if I don't look at it, so I don't.

I'm watching Antique Roadshow while I type this. A lady bought a pitcher and bowl in Intercourse, Pennsylvania. No lie. She just said Intercourse, Pennsylvania on national television with a straight face. She's a better woman than I.

Fill #2

2008-08-24T10:14:00.002-05:00

Fill #2 was Friday. The Dr. there at the Fill Shack told me it would be my biggest one ever. From now on, they'll just be bumping me up by 1-2 cc's. I found out that my band holds 10 cc's and now it is at 5. She said I still might not feel as much restriction as it will come to, but that we have to take it slow. Something about eating and not hurting myself...blah, blah, blah, just fill the band, bitch!

I had an appt. at 8:15 and needed to get to work (late) just after that. The principal at the school in need understood what was going on, but this particular campus had not seen me the whole 3 weeks I'd been back. They needed me and I was stressed about getting there.

My blood pressure has always been a source of pride for me. Even with my heart banging away double time for years now, that ol' blood pressure has been perfect. I get a pat on the back at every Dr's visit. So, you can imagine my surprise when I was told my blood pressure was up Friday morning. I explained that it could be because I feel the pressure to get to work-- they need me, they really do need me! The tech guy said, okay, let's take it again. He did. It was HIGHER! He said we'd stick with the original number. Now I was reaaaally stressing.

When the Dr. came in to put the juice in the band, she couldn't find it. She'd given me the deadening shot already, so we hustled into x-ray. She found it and juiced her up. I have been able to tell a difference and look forward to my next fill in less than 2 weeks. I oughtta feel a real difference then.

Took one day off from South Beach, then jumped right back on the wagon. I FORGOT TO TELL YOU--I'd lost another 8 pounds! That South Beach diet really does work and I enjoy the foods. It's real food, what's not to like? I was telling Susan the other day that I think I can stick to it now because having this surgery, I was prepared for my diet to change radically and permanently. Even though I can still eat most things, my brain was prepared to not do so; therefore, the diet is livable for me.

There were about 5 women all chatting like a support group in the waiting room. I was so glad and I joined in. We all were at different stages in the process, so it was interesting. There was even a woman there to have some juice taken out of her band, so we ran the gamut. Some said they could no longer eat salads, none of them could eat eggs. I learned that when going out to eat and your band is fully restricting, buying a tea or other drink is a waste because you can't drink even close to the full thing. Lots of information like that. I enjoyed talking with them. A lady had just bought a belt at a "regular" size store. She said,"It may be on the last hole, but I'm in it!" She was having trouble getting the water she was sipping post fill to go down. I might see her again having some taken out.

Hope you're enjoying your day! 8 more pounds, bitches!!!!

Cool, but check out the dude's fingernails!

2008-08-21T20:26:00.001-05:00

I've Gone Nuts

2008-08-21T19:56:00.004-05:00

I have my second fill tomorrow. If you'd been sitting beside me, you'd have heard me sing that with great jubilation. Bring on the fills!

If you've been following along, you've discovered my insanity by now, so the following statement should not come as a shock. I'm having anxiety about my appointment tomorrow. The fear is that they will tell me I'm there on the wrong date/time or they'll take forever to call me back and I'll be late for work.

What I need to know is this - Is everyone else as nuts as I am in their own little way, or am I truly nuts. I'm certain there are chemicals to help me feel better, but those also make you gain 20 lbs a year, so that ain't happening! (remember that from the psychologist months ago? that information slapped me against my fat cheek!) I wonder if married people don't obsess on these weird thoughts because they can voice them to their spouse who in turn can tell them to shut up and quit being stupid. There's never anyone here to tell me I'm stupid. And that's my whole problem.

I have another anxious friend with lots of issues about lots of things. (you, and several others, know who you are) She is single. Maybe she needs someone to tell her to shut up and quit being stupid. Oh, wait. Nevermind. We already do that and she tells us she knows it's stupid but can't help it. NEITHER CAN I!I am stupid and know it, but I can't quit.

No! You know what? I'm not stupid. The fear has some meat behind it. The last time I got excited about getting the band filled, I ended up a disappointed Bongo (see below) crying in my car in a parking lot on the phone with my surgeon's office. There is definitely reason to be worried.

Okay, WHEW! Got that whole mess worked out. See the beauty of journaling?

To recap:

fill #2 tomorrow

anxious

not crazy

It's Happening, people!

2008-08-20T18:09:00.004-05:00

I went to put on an outfit today that fit me in June. The pants are hanging off of me! I was so excited all day. The shirt has gotten so much bigger that I had to wear a cami underneath it. Myboobs used to fill it out. It still fits though, but fits better. My legs, but and hips are shriiiiiiiinking. All day I just kept thinking, "This is really going to happen."

It may sound crazy, but I've had some trouble believing that I'm going to be successful. I doubt it all the time, but I keep chugging ahead. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it, but when you've had a lifetime of ups and downs and disappointments it's expected I guess. Just two days ago, I got excited for a minute, then my brain told me not to do that. It said that this too might not work. It was SURGERY to band my stomach and I'll believe it when I see it. Isn't that nuts?

I'm super proud of myself. The band isn't restricting me yet. I have been on South Beach phase 1 since 3 weeks before the surgery. I have broken it a few times for medical reasons and twice for kicks, but it's working, regardless of those breaks. Last weekend at Melissa's I even had some chicken pizza from Pizza Hut and a piece of sweet Tatum's birthday cake. The next day, right back to phase 1. I guess I really was mentally ready for all this. That makes me happy.

Watership Down

2008-08-17T20:06:00.003-05:00

My apartments really do have beautiful grounds. I am lucky to have the best view outside of the apartments that overlook the golf course and ponds on the golf course. The bunnies seem to like it too. This evening, sweet Emily has been wanting to go on the patio or on the front porch to smell more than usual. I looked at the hill out in front of my apartment and there are four, possibly 5 bunnies. Two were babies. The one in question could be a maple leaf. We have some maple trees and their leaves turn really dark. I always think they are poop when I'm walking!

There was one baby bunny up on the hill and another dark lump up beyond. It was the bunny in question. Two bunnies were sitting together and one of them kept laying its head down to sleep. So sweet.

Emily thinks it would be sweet to kill and eat them. I finally gave her a magical Dingo bone to get her mind off the delicious meat sitting outside the door.

No lap band news. Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I'll have my second fill this Friday.

No Joy in Saraville

2008-08-11T20:19:00.002-05:00

I went for my fill today and it didn't happen. They had cancelled it when we set up all the other ones even though the Dr. or nurse (not sure what level of ed. it takes to poke in some saline) said to go ahead and keep it. It was a hot mess. I left. What could I do? I couldn't huff and puff and make them give me saline. Once in the car, I phoned them back again because I remembered that the medical saline person had said to keep the appt. They said there is no way because Dr. Fox would NEVER allow me to have another fill only 11 days past the other one.

I called bullshit on that one and phoned my surgeon's office. They'd said I had to wait 3 weeks for my first fill, but did that one super early too after speaking with my surgeon's office. I thought it was time we were all on the same page. Well...while speaking with my beloved Andrea at Dr. Fox's office, I broke down and cried. It amazes me how much I've pinned on all of this. I'm getting tears in my eyes now thinking about it. I think it's because this is not just a diet. It's my whole life. I've changed my body in a way which requires a different lifestyle. It's so much more emotionally than I ever thought it would be. So I've gone through all this after years of being a fat ass. CAN A GIRL JUST GET SOME SALINE IN HER FRIGGIN' BAND, PLEASE?

Dr. Fox called me back. He said that he really didn't care if I had it this early, but he can't make them give me an appointment. He was, of course, sorry about the confusion. Really though, this office is not his directly. He shares the surgery center with 3 other dr's and his office is way across town. UNFORTUNATELY, they do not do fills at Dr. Fox's office.

I love his office staff. When I went for my initial visit, there was the usual paperwork to fill out. On the line where you're to put what name you'd like to be called, I put "The Goddess." They have actually called me The Goddess since the first time they ever called me into the examining room. I love people who play along.

Today as I sadly waited in my car for the Dr. to call back, I perused the internet on my Blackberry. I'd googled the surgery center to get their number when I phoned them back. The website has a bio on all 4 Dr's who use that surgery center. Guess what I found out? I picked a winner! Dr. Fox was voted one of Dallas' best bariatric surgeons in D magazine 2007 and 2008. I did not know that when I chose him, but feel even more certain that I'm a genius.

In news not about me that you may or may not want to know:

My best friend from high school, Nina B., found out today that her first grand baby is going to come out a boy!! Since she had two girls, they're very excited and I am too. Nina and Thomas married at 17 because they wanted to. Four months later, Nina was pregnant. Once her youngest leaves home, Lord only knows what will happen. Nina and Thomas might become swingers or develop some hobby like raising orchids. I can only imagine. :) I love you, Nina B. Nina has a house and lineage. I have a dog. Funny how life can take you different places.

2008-08-10T16:50:00.001-05:00

Had my first uh-oh! with the band...

2008-08-10T15:04:00.002-05:00

I was having a bad morning. Everything I went to do took 3 times as long as it normally would. Due to the funkiness of the morning, I was running late. No time to cook breakfast. While I was getting ready, I decided to let a couple of eggs boil. Once I was ready, bags in hand, I stood at the sink and hurriedly (right here is where I messed up) at a boiled egg. You can't hurry with a band. Even with a band that is not even close to full restriction.

You know that feeling when a tortilla chip goes down wrong? You have a second or two where you think you're going to die, then it passes. Go back to that spot in the process where you think you're going to die and stay there. That's exactly what it feels like to have a lap band and get food stuck. I felt it happen but thought it would pass in a bit, because it always has. I jumped in the car.

Before I'd even turned the key in the ignition, the spits started. Thank goodness my nutritionist and a vlogger (video blogger) on youtube had both talked me through this. The vlogger actually had her boyfriend tape her with the spits. Gross but educational and I was so happy to have witnessed it prior to experiencing.

My nutritionist explained it this way - your body is essentially trying to slime the caught food in order to help it down. You know how when you're about to vomit and your jaw locks, you lean over the toilet and TONS of saliva pours out of you? It's just like that without the jaw locking and nausea. Replace those with that peaking pain of a stuck Dorito chip. I did not freak out and am sure I would've. I was so miserable though!

Your instinct is to gulp water to get the food down. This is a no no. All that does is add pressure to the situation and make it hurt more. THIS information alone from the nutritionist made her $100 fee worth it. Totally $100 dollar's worth of info to not make the pain worse.

Back to the story. I'm in the car and the spits start. I realize that this is it. This is my first time to have any trouble with the band and I get out of the car. Did I mention I was already running late? BAD MORNING, people. [SKIP THE REST OF THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU ARE WIMPY. ] I stood at the kitchen sink and spit up an amazing amount of foamy, slimy spit. It just kept coming and coming. Like when a dog with an empty stomach gets sick on the carpet and you have to clean it up. It's all just slime. Well...now I know how to make my own. The egg that felt like a Dorito hurt so badly and I wondered how long until it stopped.

After a few minutes, I could tell that it was on the move, and the pain wasn't so bad that I wanted to die. I decided that since I was already late for work, I'd better get in the car. I was not feeling pretty by any means and was angry at myself for eating so quickly.

On the drive, the spit continues to come, but not at such an alarming rate. I'm afraid to swallow it, because I don't want it to make it hurt anymore than it already does. Every once in a while, I would let a little go down to aid in the passing of the egg. Slime that thing down and let it go down the chute! I hadn't thought to bring a spit cup along, but sure do wish I had. On the tollroad, my cheeks were full of spit. This was after about 5 minutes--cheeks FULL of spit. Like chipmunk full. And this was a slowdown from before, remember. So that was another lesson learned. If in car with the spits, have something in which to spit or you're not gonna be driving happy.

Once I exited the tollroad, I considered opening my door to release it all into the street. However, it was early in the morning and I really didn't want to gross anyone else out. Miss Manners said to be thoughtful of others and I was trying. By the time I was close to my destination, the food passed and I could swallow again. I went into work with tears in my eyes. Thankfully the day got better from there.

Friday evening I had friends over for an Olympic Opening Ceremony watching party. We barbequed and had a good time. I even decorated and baked a gooey butter cake! Wasn't the ceremony something else? Really an amazing thing to see. Would've been wonderful to have been there live. I couldn't tell you my favorite part because it was all so fantastic. Cirque de Soleil style.

Fill number 2 is tomorrow afternoon. This morning, I went to brunch with Cindy and her parents. Her daddy treated us. We sat and visited for 2 and 1/2 hours with wonderful food and a pitcher of sangria and one of pickled pear margaritas. We didn't finish either pitcher, but they were both yummy. I allowed myself the sugar in those, and in the bread pudding and cobbler (shut up, I know) because I'm not sure I'll ever again be able to slip those down.

Other than this weekend, it's been Phase 1 of South Beach all the way. I think I'll just continue the pattern - liquids the day of fill, two days of mushies then South Beach phase 1 until the next fill. If I'm going to break Phase 1 rules, it will be just before the fill because I have to break it then anyway for the liquid diet. I've been successful so far with this so let's keep rockin' it.

I put on a shirt today that I'd not worn all spring and summer since last year because I knew that it didn't fit. Back when it did fit, it FIT. Know what I mean? Anyway, I thought I'd try it today. IT WAS BIG ON ME! I had to wear a cami shirt underneath it it was so big! Fireworks went off and bluebirds came and sat on my shoulder singing sweet songs of weight loss. Another month and I don't think it will fit at all.

What's On My Mind

2008-08-07T21:44:00.005-05:00

I enjoy writing. Especially when I know my audience is you. You have told me that you've missed my writing and I'm flattered. The thing is, work is messing up my flow. I normally have a routine down. It's not in August though. Meetings, trainings (attending and giving) and the like make for a bumpy schedule. I'm taking time before bed tonight to write.

My favorite way to be on the laptop is to be on the floor or bed on my stomach. People tell me often that this is unusual, but I can be in this position typing for hours. I proved this in grad school. Now that the stomach isn't nearly as tender inside, it's possible for me to lay like this again and write. I just can't narrow my subject down.

Here's what's going on in my head, all of which I've wanted to write about:

Will people believe that I'm trying to jinx our athletes with the silver star balloon (that floats along side the US flag balloon I bought for the Olympic Opening Ceremony cookout at my place tomorrow) ? They didn't have a gold already blown up and they looked great together. I told the girl at the shop I didn't want the "Proud to be an American" balloon she offered but was quick to add that it wasn't because I wasn't proud to be an American. There certainly are those moments though...

Why don't people pick up their dog poo when everyone knows that the mounds of poo outside their apartment is from their dog and their lack of responsibility?

There's a teacher who always wears gold nail polish. She has for years. Gold, metallic nail polish. She told me she does so because it goes with everything. I beg to differ. First off, her skin tone. It no matchy the gold tone. I'm just saying. I saw her today and she was wearing it again. I mean, she was still wearing it. Maybe she'll balance out my silver balloon with those nails.

I love the way a dog's feet smell like Frito's. (By the way, Frito's was in spellcheck on Blogspot. I'd misspelled it fritos. My bad.)

I was told at lunch the other day that maybe I should open up a sexiness coaching business named Sugartastic Sara Smooth's Sexiness Coaching. My eyes lit up. I wanted to blog about it and let my imagination run. I've been pondering all the funny possibilities of it when suddenly I realized that if there really were such a thing (and there probably is) I couldn't do it. I'd be so annoyed that the person didn't "get" it that I'd be ticked off all the time. Like the father of the man to whom I was once engaged told me, "Some people either "have it" in the sexy department and some people don't and never will." Unfortunately, his son did not. When we were kissing hot and heavy for the first time (me and the son, not the father, silly), I had to stop and ask him, "Do you have a tongue?" He said he did. I told him to Prove It! He told me he didn't like to French kiss, that it reminded him of lizards and such. I was 22 and hot, he was 30 and obviously repressed. Why did I not get up and walk away right then?

I think I've lost more weight. I'm excited to have my next fill on Monday. I think eating is really going to start getting different after that one. Restriction cometh.

Have you ever been having a one sided conversation with someone and the entire time they are speaking, you're saying in your head, "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up..."? Yeah, me too.

When I ponder on Life Before Air-Conditioning in Texas, I consider that my family is from Texas from forever. I'm true blue Texan. Did the first of my family who came here stay because they were hearty, determined people, or because they were too poor to bolt the hell out of the God forsaken heat, or because they were too crazy to notice? Have me walk through a parking lot and I'm bitchin' like I'm on a death march in a Polish winter. How did they do it? Are mud huts with grass roofs really that much cooler? And no ice. No refrigerator. Just consider it, people. Makes no sense.
I'd have made an awful Pioneer Woman. My husband would have shot me for whining in the summer. The entire summer I'd be talking that there has to be somewhere we could go where it wasn't so unbelievably hot in the summer. I'd not have my magic sweat pills so I'd have been damp 24/7 with probably a rash under my boobs--no bra and all. You've got to think about this from every angle. Cooking in this heat! Lordy! My standard answer to "What's for dinner?" would've been, "Pickles, bitch. I am not lighting a fire." He'd have killed me and buried me in the barn.

The Forecast...

2008-08-01T21:24:00.002-05:00

This next week is going to be about like this. How perfect that I'm going to be back at work. In and out of places. But I won't be sweating horribly, because I have a miracle pill. I have many of those, actually. It's very early and I'm going to bed. I'm getting old. Can't handle a couple of margaritas.

Got my First Fill

2008-08-01T15:54:00.002-05:00

I got my first fill 2 weeks early! I couldn't believe Dr. Fox said okay, but they let me get it. Here's how it went down.

This is done at the surgery center, where I had the procedure done. This is a whole different office though. They may have explained that during surgery, or not. I was looped at the time, so I wouldn't know. I was told I was in the wrong place and went around to the right one.

I was there at 7:15 am. In Richardson. I was not at my sharpest. I'm not a cracker jack until about 10 am.

A nurse takes me into the little room. Lots of rules, do's and don'ts, took my vitals. Then a dr. comes in. She gives more rules, do' s and don'ts. Then she says she is going to have to stick a needle in and press around with it until she is able to find the port. She asks if I'd like a numbing shot before she begins. This is like asking me if I'd like a cocktail after a hard day at work. Hell, yes I want the numbing shot. If you've got it, poke my belly with it!

I lay down on my back. The Dr. puts a pillow in the arch of my back, so my belly is sticking out. (shut up, I know it sticks out anyway.) She gets to poking around on my belly finds it and puts some saline in. That was it.

When she sat me up, she tells me that I'm still not going to feel much restriction. This was disappointing and I knew it would be 2-3 weeks before they'd let me have another fill. I want it at the sweet spot where I can only eat a few bites. This takes several fills. They don't just squeeze it all in there, unfortunately. Probably has something to do with health. As if!

So she and I were discussing how many and when to schedule all my fills when I went back up front. I explained that my original first appt. was on August 11th and asked if I could keep it. She said, "Oh! That's too soon." I looked her in the eye, she took a second, then said, "Let's do it anyway. Go ahead and keep it and schedule two more, two weeks apart from each other." SWEEEET! Made me so happy.

After every fill, you have to sit in the waiting room and sip water for 30 minutes making sure all is clear. They do this in case they put too much in and you can't get the water down. That way you don't have to come back to have some removed. There was a lady in the waiting room who had a fill last Thursday, but it turned out to be too much. She was having all the symptoms of being over filled--coughing and pain in the chest. Not fun.

I am to be on all liquids today--the "full" liquids, not just broth. And mushies the next two days. Well, I had Kim over for lunch today with her kids. I made my favorite chicken/cashew salad for us. Corny dogs for the kids. I went ahead and tried a little, because the Dr. said I probably wouldn't feel any restriction until tomorrow. The food went down fine, so I ate about a cup of it.

Last night I had fish tacos and margaritas. I had still lost a pound by their scale. I had to get up so early today after having margaritas last night. Rough. I'm not very funny today. I'm really tired so that's all I've got for you. Well, there is this - The first lady of France is a freaky looking human. She looks like an alien to me.

DUDE!

2008-07-28T21:42:00.004-05:00

You can FREAKIN' FEEL THE BAND AROUND MY STOMACH! Is that a trip or what? You can FEEL it. I was not expecting that. Next time I see ya, I'll let you feel it if you want. I think I can feel where the port is, but that could just be a big knot of fat. Not quite sure yet.

I have my post surgery follow up on Wednesday, then my first saline fill is after that. I am ready for some restriction, let me tell you. I am also ready to get the clear for some fresh fruits and veggies. Give me something crunchy!

I still have yet to get sick or even have a difficult burp. Burps do scare me a little bit though when they are trying to work their way out of stomach A to baby stomach B. I've not quite come up with a nickname yet. It'll come, but, like a burp, I don't like to force them. Perhaps Mini-S, short for mini stomach. I'm liking that at the moment. (I came back and read this before posting. I changed my mind. That's totally gay. It'll come.)

Eating is getting more and more open. I'm not cleared actually for some of the things I'm eating, but know they'll go down. Today, oatmeal and two eggs for breakfast (see? I need that saline, baby!), two corn tortillas with lowfat cheese and chipotle sauce plus a quarter cup of the leftover oatmeal for dessert about a cup and a half of mashed potatoes with low fat sour cream, 3 laughing cow french onion lite cheese triangles and crumbled turkey bacon for dinner with apple sauce for dessert. That's a lot of food and bunches of starches. Some days it's all puddings and soups. I just snack on soft stuff all day with protein drinks in between. I'm impatient to eat good foods again and be restricted to smaller portions. I was really enjoying the foods on South Beach. Bring on Skinny Sara!

Oh my gosh, I nearly fogot. I felt like Vodka wouldn't burn a hole through my stomach, so I tried some last Friday night. Just as I'd be getting a buzz, I'd lose it. My small stomach with the band at the bottom is like a funnel into my big stomach. So the little stomach would fill up and I'd have to wait for it to empty before sipping again. Cindy, with whom I was imbibing, had to explain to me that I needed less of the diet cranberry juice and more of the grey goose. If you've ever had one of my drinks, you know that there was not at all much cranberry to give up! So I went to sipping pretty much straight grey goose (going to have to buy the flavored now) and it worked its magic. GOOOOOOD BLESS AAAAMEEEEERICA! The very next evening, Todd gave me Maker's Mark with a shot of water and ice. Kickin' it my Daddy's style!

Let's talk about those protein drinks. I'm not too keen. They remind me too much of the syrup we used to create milk shakes when I worked at Burger King at the age of 16. That place was run by Denton High School. They announced they were opening and hiring over our daily announcements. We all ran. I had fun and probably gained 30 pounds that year! Killer salad bar and I'd just pour the Ranch dressing over that salad. Do you think that's when it was new? When did that stuff come out?

I'm still not healed inside and here is how I know. It hurts to lay on my belly. No, let me rephrase that. It hurts when I get up from laying on my belly. Leaned over to put on my make up the other day and when I stood up - OUCH! Tenderoni. Guess what's my favorite way to lay and work on the computer? Laying on my belly. I think it's because of the upgraded boob package God gave me. Well, me and mankind were given them, weren't we? It takes a village, friends.

I've just been trying not to freak out about this being the last week of my summer. I get a little panicky the last week every summer I don't work. There has been mucho grading to do this week. I spent most of today doing it. Only two more sections tomorrow, then I'm done. There are only a few days each course where I have to grade, but I HATE it. Feels as if I have homework. And I guess I do!

So, check up on Wednesday. Surely there will be more to post after that.

Enough about me...what do you think about me? (get it?)

Friends were talking the other day trying to figure out if it was okay to post or if it wasn't being done. POST people, please. I'm in the middle of some life changing stuff here and could use some encouragement and humor. I love it when I see you and you say, "I read your blog and laughed." Kim thinks I should write a book. She wants to be editor or something. I'm going to title it, "Listen, Bitches," because that makes me laugh. All of you are so funny too and I would love to see what you are thinking about after you read my stuff. Every one of you knows each other (except maybe you've not met my sister or my Uncle Charlie, but I know you've read some of his forwarded emails!) Log in and post. You're not so busy saving the world that you don't have three seconds to log in in order to post.

Yesterday was a bit odd

2008-07-22T11:08:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, I was completely out of gas. I was dizzy and a bit depressed. I knew that being on liquids was temporary, but it just wasn't giving me enough. Broth is about 10 calories a serving and those protein drinks aren't really filling if it's all you're getting. Plus, I'm trying to get over being stabbed in the gut 5 times and having a foreign object placed around my stomach. Needless to say, although I've already said it, LOTS going on.

On top of all of this, Sweet Emily had a stomach ache yesterday. She vomited and had other unmentionable problems. This did not make me happy. It went on until 1 in the morning at which time I gave her the last Imodium in the house. Poor sweet baby. She had a sad face on.

Feeling light headed and a bit sad, I received a text from Alissa that she wanted to visit. Yea! She came around 2 and took me up to Target. I was so weak and dizzy that I was honestly afraid that I'd get in there and not make it out before something terribly embarrassing went down. Like...my ass going down on the floor maybe! Alissa hung out for several hours and it was fun. We laughed a lot. She brightened my day. xoxo

It was a day early, but I pushed on the diet to mushies. Just to give it a chance. When we got home, it was like a buffet! Yesterday, I had some cottage cheese, some broth, some jello sugar free pudding (2), some roasted red bell pepper and black bean soup and some cream of potato soup sans the potato chunks, this apple sauce al a mode thingy--like a pudding with apple sauce, and baby food chicken. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT???

Now, this was all eaten a 1/4 - 1/2 cup at a time mind you, but as soon as that went through the funnel, this girl moved on to the next thing! The biggest thing I ate was almost the whole can of the cream of potato soup to which I added low fat sour cream and 2% cheese. I was HUNGRY. The bowl of soup made me nervous. I ate it with full soup spoonfuls instead of my usual 1/2 a teaspoon (unbelievable) bites. After eating, I laid down though and just chilled for a bit. No problem! No stomach aches, no tightness, nada. WHEW!

I realize this seems like I was out of control, but I really wasn't. I was just hungry. I woke today feeling myself again. Had energy--got up and moving, doing things around the house. When I was going to sleep last night, I put a plan of action for today's food together in my head. Coffee, then when band is loose, some cottage cheese. (I just had about a cup of that, but didn't even finish it. I think I'm back to normal now.). Sip on protein drinks throughout the day to supplement. LORD knows I do not want to lose my hair again. BAD deal, that one. Soup for lunch then baby food for dinner.

Let's talk about the baby food, shall we? Alissa and I were giggling like we were buying condoms or something while we looked at the baby food. How could you possibly know what tastes good and what doesn't? Weirdo combinations too like grains prunes and peaches. Who wants to eat that? I decided that chicken was something that maybe I could season up and make palatable. Bananas looked good--hard to mess up a mushed up banana, right? RIGHT?!

There was a lady in the baby food aisle with a baby. I asked her if she'd tasted baby food lately. She looked disgusted and said, "No, I haven't!" Well, guess what, sister! I'm about to be an expert. Alissa was wishing she had a camera to get that look on my face after the first bite. My camera was about 3 steps away from her, but I somehow failed to mention that. Silly me.

Beth, my sister, had told me that it is not seasoned hardly at all. True dat, bitches! I could not add enough salt and pepper. It tasted like chicken. Chicken without any seasoning ground to the tiniest smallest possible texture. Like super fine sand, but chickenier. As Alissa stared and we giggled, I ate about half of one of those baby food jars and instantly felt better. Next, I moved on to the puddings.

Yesterday was all Ibuprofen. Just a few aches and pains, mostly right in the middle where the biggest incision is through which they placed the band. I hate that serious pain medicine so much. Not a fun high. I lose all personality--like a lobotomy patient, and I have horrible freaky nightmares. I think that's the incentive to get people off of it. Want to feel sane again? Get better!

There are so many details I include in these postings. The details aren't interesting to most of you probably, but it's for the people out there considering lap band. I know that several of you who read this are considering it. Before my surgery, and even now, I couldn't get enough information.

On to other subjects you may or may not care about. I want to paint a wall in my apartment bright ocean blue and another one a cool orange. Cindy told me yesterday to get the alcohol in the house (as if it weren't already) because that was a 3 drink decision. She always comes up with good lines! This place needs more color for me. The walls are a soothing light mushroom color. I need some bright in here to keep me happy.

Jewry was telling me last night that when she was a cheerleader, the squad ran a fireworks stand each summer. They never paid a dime for their uniforms and regalia. Those always make wicked good money. Good to know-- a little late maybe, but it's good information to tuck away. My good sister, Beth, is going to help with that outrageous freaking ridiculous cost which I won't get over emotionally until Christmas. I think Beth bought her middle school cheer outfit and it was less expensive. I swear, I think the sponsor just let the girls get anything they wanted. Dumb ass. It's not as if these girls are competitive cheer leaders. My friend Nina raised one of those. Lord knows what that cost her. I can only imagine. RIDICULOUS. And if Bekah thinks she wants to be in some sorority in college, she's going to have to cough up that on her own. Knowing her, she will too. She likes to be involved in everything. Bitch better get a job.

Cute, but Expensive

2008-07-21T12:52:00.004-05:00

My niece, Rebekah, goes to a little 1A school. I told her and my parents that I would pay for her cheer outfit and camps. Camp was 150$--not a big deal. Now think for a moment, how much would you believe a cheer uniform to cost? Got a number in mind? Her's was $800 something. She told me not to worry, that they would be doing fundraising. They did. It now is going to cost me $600. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

I can't get over it. Everything I was going to purchase in the coming months is on hold for a cheer uniform. $600!!! I am just blown away. This is for the duffel bag, the hanging bag, the megaphone, the pom poms, the under armor, the outer suit, the shoes, the socks and the actual uniform. It seems to me that the girls were allowed to shop without supervision.

They don't even hand these costumes down year to year! It's a one year--a 9 month thing. If you have children, have them go another direction than cheerleading. To help her get it into perspective, I told her that it is more than my car payment and insurance combined! I did let her know that I'm not upset with her, but I'm just blown away.

Bek said that they were thinking of doing a couple more fund raisers. I said, "Get to sellin'." She also told me that I could sell pizzas too. I thought that was cute. Maybe I'll do a carwash too.

Ow, Owwwy OUCH!

2008-07-19T11:18:00.004-05:00

This really was surgery! Yesterday morning at 4 am, I woke up when my pain pills wore off. My insides had come to life and I couldn't take a breath. I couldn't take a breath because it hurt when my lungs expanded. LOTS of paaaaain. I was able to get out of bed and get some of the liquid good stuff. It took another hour for the pain to calm enough where I could go back to sleep.

We had to get up at 7 in order to leave for my haircut in Denton at 9. I got in a little walk around the yard before we left and that seemed to help loosen up those muscles a bit. Wasn't quite as bad. I did travel with my ice pack in my shirt though.

Yesterday was also the day I could start sipping on protein drinks. Mind you, none of this is as normal people would sip and enjoy. I was allowed 1-2 protein drinks but only 5-6 oz at a time taking 30 minutes to get them in. It honestly takes that long! I tried a bit before we left for Denton. About 3 sips in and I was naseous. As you know, they are touchy about naseau and constipation, so I just stopped. We took me a cup of broth for the road for breakfast.

After the haircut, we did a bit of shopping. I bought Rebekah a hot pink, rhinestoned hair straightening iron for her 16th birthday in a couple of weeks. I didn't know there was such a thing, otherwise I might have owned one myself. Pretty cool. When we got in, we all laid down for naps. Mine was just happpily drug induced.

Later, I tried the protein shake again. I'd heard that the band loosens up later in the day, and now I suspect it to be true because I was able to get it down. SLOOOOWLY. I only had one protein shake yesterday. Today, I managed down 1/4 cup of one. I got a little sick to my stomach after that, but am cutting down on pain meds today, so I just laid down and let it all happen.

My surgeon, Dr. Fox, phoned last night. I thought that was nice. He said I was doing well, but to watch for any constipation and naseau. I explained my plan for cutting down on pain meds today and he was down with that. Less vicoden and more ibuprofen. Without as much pain meds today, I'm experiencing naseau and soreness, but not as much as yesterday. It was weird, I woke up today, pain pills had worn off and it didn't hurt half as much as yesterday. Dr. Fox said yesterday's pain was very normal for day 3. Anyone reading this and considering the surgery, note: day 3 hurts but day 4 you're okay again.

So here I sit. I have about a cup of room temp protein shake staring at me and I'm sipping fruit juice. Fruit juice and broth are my buddies. I feel safe with them and know the boundaries. Oh! One of my bandages peeled off today. Quick! Stick a suppository in me--it made me naseous as all get out!

Mom and Bekah left this morning, but not before cleaning all sheets and vaccuuming the whole place. I was given strict orders to do nothing but walk the dog. There is a shelf I'm wanting to hang, but I'll let it wait. I hurt but not so bad that I'm going to go full dosage on the good stuff. Dr. Fox thought going about 1/2 dose each time would be good.

So listen, forgive me any grammar and spelling mistakes. I'm hungry, high and in pain. Come see me.

I have funny pics that Bek took of the surgery day that are funny. I will try to get them posted later today.

Hopped up on Pain Pills

2008-07-17T19:01:00.004-05:00

Liquid vicoden, friends. I don't miss a dose, trust me. Melissa told me that if I feel pain, I've waited too long. I've lived by that. The Dr told me not to be stoic with the meds. No problem, Doc. I'm down.

Everything has gone beautifully but I'm not skinny yet. I'm hungry and all I can have is broth and diet fruit juice. OH and sugar free popscicles. Tomorrow they're going to give me "full" liquids. I'm living for one of those protein drinks waiting for me in the fridge.

When they weighed me yesterday, I'd lost 24 lbs from being on the 3 weeks of phase one South Beach! 24 pounds, bitches!! Dr was so proud and so was I. After surgery, I was not sick. I was so happy about that that I cried. There are lots of wild things and rules and all to my story. I have to do do all kinds of rituals the next couple of days, but I may be too high to get it all down. No diggity.

Felt great yesterday, but today the core of my body has felt as if it were beat by a bag of bricks. Walking is a breeze and I have to do lots of it because of blood clots and some other reason. Apparently, this is kind of a big deal to your body. I also have to inhale through this thing that sounds like the sperminator, but that's not what it is--Mom would have to tell you. I call it that though, you know I do. I have to inhale through it 10 times every hour. (Gwenn, what's that thing's purpose?) Have to cough and laugh with a folded towel over my belly. Have burp and fart high fives with Mom and Bek because getting rid of the extra gas is a good thing.

Everything I was afraid of, didn't happen. The new no barf medicine worked like a charm--well that and they gave me 2 more meds for it before and another something afterwards. They also sent me home with suppositories for nausea and vomiting. The nurse called me this morning to check on me and make sure I had done well. She said if I felt any nausea to pop even half of one of those in. They're either obsessed with me or vomiting is a bad thing with this whole stomach deal. I thought they were so nice to call me this morning.

Everyone there was nice yesterday. They were nice to me and my family. Really nice. Melissa and Todd brought me the most beautiful flowers that my niece says I'm obsessed with, but they are the most gorgeous things I've seen in a long time.

I thought Emily would be all about the bandages but she was only interested in the one on my hand where the IV went in. Weird.

My throat was all swollen from the tubes they had down me. Mom had gone and bought me a pill cutter but the pills weren't small enough even then! I choked on 4 of them and had to cough them up. The first one was scary because I wasn't sure how the whole heimlach (sp?) manuever was going to go down.

Okay, I know that wasn't well written and just mind flow but it's the best I can do on this juice my mom keeps pouring down my throat. 30 more minutes and she's coming again with another dose! Gotta get my drool cup. I'll try to clear this all up tomorrow for you. Bottom line: I'm well and my dr says I'm going to be his poster girl. I hope that involves cash!

It's Tomorrow!

2008-07-15T22:29:00.006-05:00

I started the ball rolling in March and tomorrow it happens. YIKES! I woke up today and had a moment where it hit me.

Been a weird day emotionally. Woke up today and realized it's my last day as me as I know me. Weird. We were all dressed and ready, Alissa was coming for a visit in the afternoon. I get a phone call just before she's coming that my surgeon's office didn't get my lab work. Long story short, I had a very short time to get my self to a lab where my doctor had faxed a prescription for blood work labled "stat". I swear, that's what it was--STAT. I asked the tech what that meant to her. She said it meant she had 4 hours to get the results to the surgeon's office. Seeing how it was around 3 by the time she got my blood, I'm thinking she had 2 hours to get it all figured out. She wanted to know wtf happened. I explained that the surgeon's office was distracted by my extreme beauty. The bitch laughed out loud. My delusions bring people such joy.

Bekah and I went out for some things then. Can't be a complete day lately unless I've spent a bunch of money on stuff for the new place until my feet are killing me. We had to go to Target and IKEA. Good thing I don't have to pay for the surgery now!

When the shopping was over, we went to Matito's for dinner. It was nice to get cute and go somewhere to sit, not work. But, once we got home, back to work. Bek and I hung the drapes in the living room. I know why there are professional curtain hangers. Not a fun job. Bek was my assistant, which turned out to mostly be screw picker upper. Long story about hanging them in the living room over the blinds. Bottom line, the mounting of the blinds stayed, but we ended up taking down the blinds. They look super cute hidden under my bed!

So, back to the whole belly thing...such a strange thing to know that the piece of fish, black beans and vegetables was the last large plate of food I'll ever eat. I can't even imagine it. Scary for some reason. It's as if it is insurance that finally a freakin diet will last longer than the 5 year life average I have going. I honestly think I'll feel more secure in having a long term relationship with a man. What you see really is what you'll get with me. All my old ghosts can't come back. I can't freakin' eat enough to do damage to myself emotionally as well as physically, so I can feel better in about 9 kinds of ways. Am I going to miss big meals that stuff me until I am a lazy cow? What about my love of cooking good food? All kinds of questions. When these concerns come up, I soothe the mind by reminding myself that alcohol will still be there for me. I still have that one fun vice. If you think I'm kidding, raise your hand. You know me so well.

Tomorrow, Rebekah is in charge of documenting the whole thing on camera. She asked me today if she should take a picture of the bloody cotton ball from the hole in my arm where they took blood at the lab. (Who in the world taught her to be such a smart ass?) After surgery, Rebekah is going to text those of you who've asked. Surgery is scheduled for 9:30. Hopefully it will be the "all is well" message and not the "Sara is puking her toes off" message. The surgeon gave me a fancy new pill that he is hoping will for once allow me to have surgery and not projectile vomit. I did so once on my mother as she stood at the end of my bed. I'm special.

My big fears about tomorrow are that I'll be sick from the surgery and the pain from the gas. Surgeon and Michelle have both said that I'll have to walk to help get that gas dispersed in my body. When I puke after surgery, I'm OUT of it so walking really isn't possible, plus moving can make me sick. I PRAY that magic pill works. My mother has already wanted to put a trash can in my bedroom. No lie, friends. Sigh.

Best thing about tomorrow--nothing to buy, nothing to make my feet hurt and not a box in sight. Go, Fight, Win!

Turn Up the Good!

2008-07-13T20:29:00.003-05:00

Whew! It's been crazy but all the moving is done. My mother and niece are here. Today, we finished unpacking every box. HOORAY! I love my apartment. It feels like a house, it really does. Many friends have stopped by and can't believe all the space I have. Bright sunshine comes in all rooms all day. The guest room turned out prettier than I'd even imagined. Come visit!

I have a lovely view of the yard, with a hill on which all the bunnies chase each other. My mom was saying they should've named this place Watership Down for all the bunnies. Emily likes that too.

Everyone here seems to have a dog or two. Emily goes out without a leash--she's the best old dog. Today was the first day Emily seemed completely relaxed and had her old lady naps on time. Bless her sweet old heart, she's had it rough the past couple of weeks. When her Nani and Rebekah showed up, Emily rejoiced. It was as if she'd wondered how they'd ever find us. You should have seen her popping her "wheelies" in joy outside. Adorable and joyful.

The plan is to go out and buy drapes for a few more windows (red velvet in the bedroom) and the hardware along with some other bits. Rebekah will get some shoes. Mom will get sore feet. OH! We're starting the day with manicures and pedi's. My feet are a disgrace and my hands look as if I just brought in a crop of something. No lie.

Tuesday's plan--hang drapes and any other bits we find. You KNOW I'll find things too. Almost all decoration is done except my bathroom. It's quite plain at the moment. We will also have to shop for post op liquids. First week after surgery is thin liquids. Second week is full liquids. BIG time. FULL liquids, baby! You know it will be delicious though.

Wednesday's plan--cut holes in my belly and stick a band around my stomach. So many fun and good things going on. I'm pumped to diet for the very last time of my life! Let's get it done.

I'm a happy girl, but I feel as if I've not seen 1/2 my friends in so long. If you're in town, please come see me soon. If you're not in town, come see me as soon as possible. I get to feeling unbalanced when I get off kilter with you.

Be Careful What You Wish For

2008-07-07T14:44:00.005-05:00

I wanted a pill and I got one. Cefaclor -- an antibiotic. I worked myself sick. Sick as a dog. I'm famous for it in my family. Used to always happen at end of semester during finals. Anyway, I feel awful and have zero energy.

Even the bottom of my feet are bruised. There are these little red stars on the bottom of my feet that hurt. And I've only worked in my cushy crocs.

I'm going to watch a movie and hopefully sleep more. Susan come home late tonight. That's the news from Lake Wobegan.

I need a pill...

2008-07-06T20:37:00.010-05:00

I am OVER moving. Over it! And it's not even moving day, people. I'm so exhausted today that I can 't tell if I'm really sick or worn out....or both. I will be taking a prescription sleeping pill tonight so that I won't wake early. These also assure a nap the next day, and I need to get some rest.

It's akin to a cleaning spree, this packing thing. I get momentum going with a list of things in my head, then there's no stopping me. One thing leads to another. My feet hurt, I feel weird and my body is worn out. Moving day is Wednesday and I have only about 4 more boxes to pack. I'm ahead of schedule. But, this does afford me some time to rest before moving day.

I realized that when you have a list of Worst Things to Do, it doesn't make much difference if you get the worst one out of the way. After that, what was the second worst thing, is now the worst thing and you come to dread it as much as you did the previous #1 worst thing. Girl genius, huh?

Cindy came over yesterday and helped. (Thank you so much, friend! xoxo) Emily was thrilled to see her Aunt Cindy and friend Zach. She was getting quite bored with only me. Abby isn't even here now. She's at the lake with Kaitlin. Today, Em has started getting a little weirded out by the packing. Before today, things were mostly just shuffled around. Now they're going into boxes. She's clingy and giving me the eyes.

We took the evening off and watched Juno. LOVED it. I missed that Juno girl once the movie was over. I even thought about her today. How strange is that?? I did have some vodka. (not because I missed Juno, dork) It was 11 days from the surgery, I've done an extra week of the pre surgery sexy up your liver diet, and I didn't go over the diet's carb count.

Talked with Mom today. She and my neice will come Sunday, I think. That will give me some time to see my beautiful, smart, funny neice. I've not seen her all summer! She always likes to go have a cheeseburger somewhere yummy, so we'll do that. Also, I'm going to be hurting for a mani/pedi a week from now, so we'll go do that. Gotta shop--gotta hit IKEA.

They're also going to help me unpack anything left and pamper me after surgery. Mom said they can stay as long as I need them. Love that. Mom will make certain I do all the post surgery walking and eat the right things.

Okay, off to take a pill and go to LaLa Land....

It's tough being single...

2008-07-04T00:37:00.000-05:00

Huge dill weed leaves a message for a girl...
http://view.break.com/527579

Thanks

2008-07-02T18:46:00.003-05:00

I'm strong and independent, but only because I have friends and family who love me. It would be difficult and boring to face all the change and excitement going on alone. Everyone has been so happy for me and supportive. It means a lot. New car, new thing gonna be in my belly, new way of eating, new home, new home life but the same old loved ones.

Day 10: Fun New Recipes and Emily's poor ear

2008-07-02T17:54:00.011-05:00

I miss having a wide variety of recipes to try. That's one of my hobbies. I can make a great salad, but want more variety. I found new recipes for phase one of South Beach! Can't wait to shop and cook tomorrow. The site I found had variety and clever. There were round ups of phase one recipes from all over the web. I only have to follow this particular diet two more weeks, so at least I'll get to have some fun with it now. After the surgery, I'll get to cook just about anything again. I won't be able to eat hardly any, but that's part of what is fun about cooking--watching others enjoy it. So, come fall, all six of you readers are invited for dinner anytime.

Emily hurt her ear again!! This afternoon, I was hanging out at Todd and Melissa's pool. Emily was back in the back end of their big ol' backyard. I think there have been some cats or bunnies in the back bushes.

I'm in the pool and hear this little squeal. I pop up to see her running to the pool with a bloody ear. She comes over and

there is a big rose thorn in her ear. She let me remove it. That thing gashed her ear and guess what? It was the bad one that had the two sting spots on the inside! It's been beat up this week. Once the thorn was out, homegirl was right back to the hunting. Didn't bother her at all. There are the pics after I took poolside with my phone just after I removed the thorn out.

When we got home, there was so much blood dried on her ear that her ear highlights were stuck down in it. I had to soak it in a wet cloth.

Day 8: Bunny and Booze

2008-07-01T19:49:00.020-05:00

Susan herself put in a lovely garden outside her kitchen window. I love seeing it out there. She did a wonderful job on it. One of the neighborhood bunnies likes it too! I was able to take his picture as he was sitting by the bricks munching. Then, he hopped up on the bricks and got a couple of leaves off of flowers, or maybe he was helping weed?? As I viewed the pics on my camera, there were 3 sweet little birdies sitting on the bricks. I reckon Bambi will be around next, poor little orphan must be hungry. Here are more pics.

See how fat he is? Susan does a lot for the community!

Thank you to those of you who phoned or texted me today about Emily. She's so much better! Back to happy as long as I don't touch that left ear too much. It's the worst one--has bite or sting marks in it and had two giant welts. Both ears have gone nearly completely back to flat and that eye is shining brightly. WHEW! Here is a photo I took this evening for you...

Pre surgery diet lesson: Life is nicer when you can have booze. Go ahead and write that one down, folks. I had a great urge for some vodka last night. You may be chuckling, but I come from cocktail people. We like our cocktails in the evening. You understand.

I was out at dinner with JB and Snooz yesterday. They imbibed during dinner, I was happy with my iced tea. All I'm saying though, is thank the heavens that I don't have to go forever without alcohol.

Went to IKEA (God bless IKEA) today. Have a funny story about an incident with an E. Indian woman customer. Good stuff, but probably better with vodka--just like a lot of things. Sigh. Anyway, I've posted so much today and I'm sure you have better things to do.

Poor, Sweet Emily

2008-06-30T14:28:00.007-05:00

Spent the weekend at Susan's parent's lake house. I went ahead and took a cooler of fresh veggies and lean meats, just in case Marlene, Susan's mom, didn't have anything. Good thing too--she made pork ribs, corn on the cob and red potatoes for dinner. I even had to eat earlier than everyone else. They ate at 9 and my healthy foods don't last that long, so I asked for forgiveness and got to cooking. It worked out fine and I'm glad I planned ahead.

It seems that yesterday morning, something got ahold of my Emily. We thought she just had tired eyes. Uh...no. She had the swollen, puffy eye. I pulled the skin back and the white of her eye was not red, so I figured she'd been stung by a bee, wasp or scorpion. Going to bed last night, I gave the girl 2 Benadryl. We went to bed and I found that her ears were all puffy too! There were two large bumps on one ear and one on the other. That's when it all came together--something really got a hold of my girl. This is her last night. This morning she was a bit worse. Here's the picture from this morning. Isn't it so sad? Just not my girl's happy personality. Her sweet ears feel like really big stuffed tight raviolis.

That is just the saddest face I've ever seen. I'd never survive having my own children. My heart could not take it!

Anyway, Emily was miserable and was sleeping a lot, but not whining or itching. She wasn't herself. How could she be?

Around lunch time, I called the vet's office in Madisonville outside where my parent's live. He is an old school farm animal vet. Doesn't waste your time or money and loves the animals. I told him the story of what I'd done. Doctor said that I could try giving her one Benadryl every hour the rest of the day. If that didn't work, she'd need a cortizone shot.

Emily must have thought today is her birthday or something special. Every hour, I've wakened her to give her a piece of cheese. You think she'd begin to catch on that I'm druggin her since she's slept all day. By around 5, that happy eye began to look more round. Went to dinner with J.B. and when I got home, the swollen bump above her eye was much smaller. She even was acting perky. Those ears though are still big. It seems they're tender too. Perhaps because I've been checking them every 30 minutes since last night.

Emily had another peice of sleepy cheese about 30 minutes ago. She is sleeping sooooouuundly. I just hope that by tomorrow morning, she looks like this. Dear ol' thing!

Day 3--I'm going to need diapers, people.

2008-06-27T15:44:00.004-05:00

Got groceries yesterday. Fresh veggies and good meats and cheeses I am allowed to eat. It's nice that the South Beach Diet allows me to cook--as opposed to fasting before surgery. I enjoy cooking new recipes, so have already tried two new ones. I love most foods, so it's not so hard now that I have things to prepare besides eggs and chicken breasts.

Last night, I had dinner with Cindy at Matito's. KILLER fish and veggies. Several choices of fresh fish on the menu even. I will be back there. I ordered my dinner without rice and the waitress (Cindy's previous student) asked me why. In my very open and honest fashion, I told her. Lo and behold a testimonial came down upon us! The waitress has an aunt who has had the surgery and a girlfriend who had it done. Her aunt is happy and looks so young. Not a wrinkle on her! So glad to know my wrinkles will disappear.

Reader, I aim to be brutally honest with you during this whole process. I've read many blogs of people going through the surgery and weight loss and always appreciate honesty. Sometimes honesty ain't pretty, but it's real. Let's get real, shall we? Here's the deal with these low carb diets. They give me diarrhea. Serious runs. I remember when Atkins was the rage. Everyone else was having the opposite problem. Not Sara P. I always got the runs. This South Beach program has thrown me for a serious loop. Last night after dinner, I was home watching Last Comic Standing. One man cracked me up so hard that I pooped my pants. WHOA. I laugh a lot. I can't live not knowing if poop is going to shoot out of me when someone cracks a good one! THEN (here's where I get scared) just moments ago, as I was sitting down to blog, I sneezed and...WHOA. It's like a toddler is living here. I have to do this program until the 16th. I'd like to think I'd have some control over my bodily functions until that time.

Day 1- Polly Want a Cracker, Damn it!

2008-06-25T22:14:00.007-05:00

I started what will be termed "my new life" today. I've already determined it sucks wind, but I also know it will get better. It's all a mind game at this point. Breads, sugar and beer are dead to me. DEAD! I will not mourn them. They like to make me think they love me; however, they secretly hate me and live to make me fat. (this is what I've been playing in my head today) As many of you know, I've formally lived healthy lifestyles and enjoyed it. You just have to get your mind brainwashed to that side of thinking. It's not that it's hard to enjoy good foods--they're tasty. It's learning to hate the junk food that is so addictive. Get over that hump and you've got it made. If all those junkies I watch on Intervention can overcome crack cocaine, surely I can get past never having a hamburger bun again. (mmmmm, hamburger buns...) I can do this for the next 3 weeks, then the band is going to help me and life will be okey dokey. Right? RIGHT?! Just earlier, I was thinking that my other option is to be on that mattress begging for someone to bring me a grilled cheese sandwich or help me into my Rascal scooter. The fun of dating might be gone altogether if I were in that state. Hard to feel sexy while begging for a grilled cheese sandwich covered in baby powder. (I'm not sure why, but I would think that if I were stuck on a mattress and unable to move, I'd want lots of powder on me to feel better.)

Let me explain where the mattress image comes from. It has two roots in my brain. The first one is from seeing The World's Fattest Man at some fair--could've been state, not sure. I was young. One of my siblings was with me, and we walked up to a glass window to see a ginormous man who could only have his privates covered in towels and was laying on a mattress on the floor. It was gross. I was embarassed for him and for all of us staring at him. Homeboy was big, but I think that dude that Richard Simmons helped was bigger. This was before his day, or he could've had the job and homeboy would've been out of work.

The second root of the mattress thought comes from something my mother experienced. While going through EMT training, she was doing her internship thing with the College Station/Bryan ambulance dudes. They get a call and go out to find this disgusting fat man laying on a mattress on the floor with all kinds of filth and stench about him and the mattress. I think they had to get a tarp to get him out of there. She was grossed out and told me the details which were FOUL. So you see, I am terrified to be one of those people.

Until this afternoon, I did not have a copy of The Southbeach Diet, but Courtney told me what I could/could not have. I have to do Phase 1 of it for the next 3 weeks. Got to get my liver sexy, you understand. What I have eaten today is only eggs and chicken breast meat. Tomorrow, I'll go to the store to get more variety and fresh vegetables because I love it. I LOVE LEAN MEAT AND FRESH VEGETABLES.

Back Up the Bus!

2008-06-24T22:01:00.005-05:00

I need to get something clear with you, dear reader. I am not having my stomach stapled and my intestines rerouted. No, no and no. I am having a band put around the top of my stomach. That's it. Day surgery, no stitches just butterfly bandages. I was visiting Julie for a few days in Oklahoma and all this time she had been thinking I was having the big dangerous one. Friends, this surgery I am having requires me to actually diet and exercise. It will take time and effort on my part. It will demand that I be the bad ass girl I am. (I like that term, it covers so much more than genius. You could be a genius and suck at lots of things in life, but a bad ass is different. I want a bad ass tshirt and a vanity plate on my car. I guess I could be a genius-bad ass, but that sounds a bit conceited. I digress.)

The following pictures were taken by my long suffering mother on my blackberry. They are a bit blurry, but you'll get the idea of what my stomach will be like. You'll see the band and the port. The port is where, after a month, they will, each month, inject saline into the band. This will squeeze the band tighter and tighter around my stomach allowing me to eat less and less. ALLELUIA! ALLELUIA! ALEEEEEEELUIAAAAAAAA! (I so wish I could insert sound bites into your reading--I feel podcasts in my future, or perhaps a vlog. God bless technology) Anyway, here are the pictures.

Moving and Men

2008-06-20T22:57:00.009-05:00

Daddy doesn't want me to leave this weekend as I had planned. I was considering staying longer until I looked again at the calender. I've only 2 1/2 weeks until I move! It's giddy-up time. Not only the move, but I have to get back to get started living like a healthy person. Susan couldn't find her copy of SouthBeach diet. If anyone has hers or their own, would you let me borrow it, please? I don't want to spend 20$ on something I need for two weeks of my life. Let me know.

In case you don't know, I have had a HUGE crush on Robert Downey Jr. since Weird Science. That is a long time. We went and saw Iron Man tonight. It really was a good movie and I look forward to the second one. Here's the thing though, I could not take my eyes off of Robert. Seriously. I liked him dirty, bloody and hurt, dressed up, sleepy, mad, happy, cocky, gentle--all of it. It's those eyes of his. It didn't matter what else was happening in the movie, I was locked on him. Is anybody else feeling me on this? I swear he has not changed since the 80's and the drug abuse only gave his face character. The other one who really gets me is Dwayne Johnson aka The Rock. Sweet Mother of All That is Muscles and Manly! He is beautiful. And when he smiles I die. Kelly Ripa's husband was on the list too, but then I found out he is a Lilliputian. That's not a weird religion, but means he is very widdle.

Good Scoops Today!

2008-06-19T17:24:00.006-05:00

I'm at my parent's house this week. The thing about hanging with older, retired people is that they don't do much. I'm all for that. My father and I hung out today. He was telling me that my Mimi, his mother (the one I take after so very strongly), was an independent woman for her day. I knew this, but was listening because I love Mimi stories. Through listening, I discover Mimi was married not twice as I always thought, but 3 times! I told Daddy that we really are alike--Mimi didn't put up with a man she didn't like hanging around either.

The first time Mimi married she was 14. When I get to heaven, Mimi and I are discussing this immediately. I need details and she'll tell them to me. Daddy doesn't know the story, but knows she was married then. You know that kills me to not know the details. Daddy and I both know the story of how it ended. Mimi was a whistler--she whistled as she went along walking. Everyone knew when she was coming because she whistled. One day she didn't feel like whistling, she came up to the house and walked on in. Caught her husband in bed with another woman. Mimi told me that story when I was maybe 8-9 years old! Good stuff.

Mimi's next husband, Mr. Slade, was the exciting one that I'd always confused with being her first, but I was mistaken. She had this second husband! He was the moonshiner and party boy. She told Daddy that she loved Popi, my father's dad and Mimi's 3rd husband, but the passion was with this Slade character. Mimi once told me that the sheriff came over to their house with a squad looking for moonshine. Mimi sat her butt down on the stash and covered it up with her skirts. The police looked all over the house in every corner, but they never once asked Mimi to move. She knew the sheriff knew what was under her, but didn't ask because he liked her. I love that story!

Mimi met Popi at the beach. There was a whole gang of people and they all ran into the water, but Popi stayed back. Mimi stayed back as well so they met, dated, fell in love and married. They had my father as an only child. After Popi died, I remember Mimi crying one night while I was staying with her at her house. She told me he was the best man she ever knew and I guess she chose "good" over "passionate". I remember he got down on his knees at his bed to pray each night. I imagine he'd done so his whole life.

My Liver is Sexy

2008-06-17T10:23:00.011-05:00

I'm going to tell you right now that I am nearly 300 pounds. There it is. And if I weren't nearly 300 pounds, today would have made me change my mind. I spent the day like a wealthy old person. I was at the Dr's all day and spent $565.00 on all the fun I had. I was in Denton at 9:00 for an appointment with my general practitioner, Dr. Kozura. I'm on two medicines that are in capsule form. Capsules no worky with lap band so had to get them switched or dump in applesauce to eat. Found out the funky spots on my leg are not cancer, but sun spots. How that happened to my ivory skin, I am not certain.

From Denton, headed to Frisco to get Susan and head to surgeons office. I was in his office 5 hours. FIVE fun filled hours people. I hope my joy is coming across. It was about an hour with the surgeon. Here's the deal, because I knew the surgery is coming, I have been drinking beer and eating lots of bread. I've gained 11 pounds since March. Not shocking to me but seemed to be a big deal with the weight loss surgeon. It's as if it's his life's work or something. So okay, I have to lose 11 pounds before the surgery so that he knows my liver will be soft and he can lift it out of the way to get to my stomach. Apparently, there are health issues with being obese. A sexy, stiff liver is one of them. If I've not lost the weight on the day of the surgery, he won't do it. Picky thing, but it's his world and if he doesn't think he is man enough to handle lifting a stiff liver, I guess I'll help him along with that.

Waiting two weeks to get my liver soft would put the surgery near the move date. Dr. Fox, the surgeon, says I can't even push anything heavy for two weeks after surgery. So--after a couple of discussions, we set the surgery for the 16th of July. That will give me a week to settle a bit into the apartment and two weeks to heal and adjust before going back to work. I have to wait for the surgery center to phone before I know if they'll accept partial payment for my copay. I have around $2,000. and it will be around $3,000. according to the insurance girl in the office. Please say a prayer about that for me. Oh, just pray for me in general, would you please?

I saw the nutritionist next. My stomach will be the size of a small lemon. We talked for an hour about what eating is going to be like and what puking is going to be like. Oh I will puke as I'm learning to eat--gonna happen. It's not normal puke according to the nutritionist. It's slime. Your body is coating the food caught in your esophagus with slime so it will move. The slime won't even get through so lots of slime, then the piece of food will pop out. Sexy, huh? The rest of what she said is boring, food stuff. The basics are, after a weird newborn's diet for the first few weeks, 7 bites of food for a meal. 3 bites protein, 3 bites vegetable and 1 bite carbohydrates. Then, I will be full. AMAZING! This is why this is the tool for me to be able to diet. I'll be full at a reasonable amount. It will take a couple of months to get to the perfect band fill (with saline) for me to be perfectly satisfied with that amount. They call that "the sweet spot". You know good and well, that in my silly brain, I thought, "Oh, I've got your sweet spot," but I was too busy wondering why the nutritionist was so fat to say it.

Next is the psychologist. My appointment with him begins with a 300 questions test followed by a 250 question test. Question like, "The whole world is against me," or "I hear voices telling me to do bad things," or "Sex has gotten me into trouble." So I lied a little. Sometimes it's okay to lie. After the tests I met with the Dr. I liked him. Not enough to continue to pay him $300 an hour to talk with him, but he is likable. He informed me that they have now found that people who are on Prozac or Lexapro for a period over two years gain 20 pounds a year for every year they're on it past the first two years. After the great depression of 1998, I was told that I would probably have to be on a light dosage for the rest of my life. This Dr. said he'd have told his patients the same thing back then, because they didn't realize. Can you believe that? He and I discussed what had happened when I tried to stop it one summer. No biggie, just a dream one night of a suicide attempt where only my mother was protesting. When Mom heard that, she said it was time to go back on medicine. The Dr. yesterday said we have to ween me very slowly off the medicine and he doesn't want to do that now because of all the issues going on with the surgery.

As you can imagine, I was whipped last night. I was left with doubts, regrets, fear, exhaustion and wanting my mother to hug me. This lap band is not a magic cure at all. It's going to be a great deal of work for me, but the other option is to be a fat chick. I'd resigned myself to being a fat chick even though I really don't want to be one. It's just there seemed to be no other choice. It's either diet pills and running two miles a day (both of which kept me crazy) or be a fat chick. Might as well be a confident, happy one if you're going to be stuck being one. It's getting to the point now though where I can see myself naked on a mattress begging someone to bring me a grilled cheese sandwich. I don't want that, so let's do this. Let's pinch down my stomach where I can't eat like a normal person so that I can be happy again. Don't worry, a lot of this is PMS.

This made me smile after a very long day.

2008-06-16T21:29:00.002-05:00

I wuv her.

Morning Genius Flash

2008-06-12T09:40:00.002-05:00

This morning, I was washing my face. Had my hair up in a headband and my bangs were doing this big poofy thing. I looked like one of those women in the weird Mormon sect with their Little House on the Prairie dresses a size too big. And....what a PERFECT Halloween costume for this October! A gaggle of us buy ugly, plain, cheap cotton and have dresses with a Peter Pan collar and long skirt made a size too big for us. Then we can do our hair up in that style and wear no makeup. Maybe have baby dolls pinned all over us. More ideas will come, no doubt, but I LOVE this one! Don't let me forget.

Puppetry of the Penis

2008-06-10T23:29:00.005-05:00

There is an actual, legitimate show where two men get on stage and do origami with their penises. NO LIE. They go all over the world with this. I've not seen their actual...art, but I have seen a news story about their show. They're making money with this. The two origami artists (freaks) said that they'd been at this since they were four. The whole idea for the show started with boredom and beer. NO DOOUUUBBBT! They are Australians and said it's not so much a big deal to be naked making fun of yourself there. Gross. For the show, they get on stage, crack jokes and fold their "units" into things. Over 40 things, people! This means that they're going beyond elephant, one eyed snake and garden hose. The examples given were a hamburger and the Loch Ness monster. Two of my facilitator friends knew all about it. How? I am not sure, but they did.

So here's the deal. I have exceptionally large breasts. They will, no doubt, become half their size after weight loss. They will still be impressive in cup size, although deflated two cup sizes. What if--and stick with me now--what if...I learned to fold my breasts into different objects. I'll call my show "Manipulation of the Mammaries"! What do you think? I'll make a fortune. Hell, I could even sing a soundtrack to go along with my creations. I'm a freakin' genius. Keep trying to tell you that. Now, off to write a catchy jingle... Where is Mel Brooks when I need him?

Dog Facts

2008-06-10T22:44:00.013-05:00

#1 - A one year old dog is as mature, physically, as a 15 year old human.
#2 - The average “city dog” lives 3 years longer than “country dogs”.
#3 - 87% of dog owners say their dog curls up beside them or at their feet while they watch T.V.
#4 - Dogs can be trained to detect epileptic seizures.
#5 - Three dogs survived the sinking of the Titanic - a Newfoundland, a Pomeranian, and a Pekingese. That Pekingese was probably barking the entire time. I'm surprised it made it without someone killing it.

#6 - An estimated 1,000,000 dogs in the U.S. have been named as the primary beneficiaries in their owner’s will.
#7 - An American Animal Hospital Assoc. poll found that 33% of dog owners admit to talking to their dogs on the phone and leaving answering machine messages for them while away.
#8 - 70% of people sign their pet’s name on greeting and holiday cards and 58% put pets in family and holiday portraits. Guess which pretty blonde has already signed her Papi's Father's Day card?
#9 - A dog’s smell is more than 100,000 times stronger than that of a human’s. Especially after they've rolled in something dead. Oh, wait. That's not what they meant. Nevermind.
#10 - Chocolate contains a substance known as theobromine (similar to caffeine) which can kill dogs or at the very least make them violently ill.
#11 - The longer a dog’s nose, the more effective it’s internal cooling system. This explains how Cindy's Zach survives Texas.
#12 - U.S. Customs dogs “Rocky” and “Barco” were so good at patrolling the border that Mexican drug lords put a $300,000 bounty on their heads.
#13 - A dog’s heart beats up to 120 times per minute, or 50% faster than the average human heartbeat of 80 times per minute. Okay, without my heart medicine, my heart beats faster than a dog's heart, 24 hours a day. It did so for 3 years until the medicine, and boy, was I dog tired! Bah Dum Bump!
#14 - Dogs live 15 years on average. I'm hoping for 30. Probably unrealistic.
#15 - An African wolf dog known as the basenji is the only dog in the world that cannot bark.

#16 - Only dogs and humans have prostates.
#17 - Bingo is the name of the dog on the side of the Cracker Jack box. You KNOW that is on trivia game in your future. Pack it away for that time, friend.
#18 - Humans have kept dogs as pets for over 12,000 years.
#19 - A dog’s mouth exerts 150-200 pounds of pressure per square inch, with some as high as 450.
#20 - It is a myth that dogs are color blind. They can actually see in color, just not as vividly as humans. It is akin to our vision at dusk.
#21 - Basset Hounds cannot swim. It would require them walking to the pool and they don't want to exert themselves that much.
#22 - Obesity is the #1 health problem among dogs. I'm so sick of that word.
#23 - Dogs have two times as many muscles to move their ears as people.
#24 - Wolves and dogs can mate to produce fertile offspring. Fertile offspring. That sounds funny if you say it enough.

Tick, Tock...Tick, Tock

2008-06-09T10:43:00.003-05:00

I actually phoned the Dr's office to be certain that I am approved. The nice/slightly crazy (in a good way) lady, Deborah, assured me I am approved. She was very understanding about the anxiety and doubting. I didn't feel as dumb as I might, but I just had to verify that I hadn't made it up. I asked her if I still need to go for a psych. eval and see the nutritionist. I do, but both are in their very same offices. Since I have to go up there on Monday (OMG!) I thought I'd call and check to see if I could get in that same day with those people. I can! Here is the scary part--the psych eval is 3 friggin' hours. I'm afraid that in 3 hours they're going to be able to find something crazy about me. Chances are high, actually. 3 hours! I'll get bored and start crackin' jokes and it will go downhill for me. Pray for me friends!

This weekend I slept a great deal. It feels as if I'm The Waiting Place. Waiting to move, waiting for surgery, waiting to feel better because I had surgery. Kind of sucks and I can feel it starting to get to me. My hope is that I won't have to wait too long for the surgery. If it's scheduled for July and I'm waiting for it AND the move, I may lose it. Good thing that evaluation is early in the summer!

Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs

2008-06-08T09:52:00.003-05:00

Friday night, I was trying to go to sleep but was thinking too much again. My brain had what Susan calls a "devil's thought". I starting thinking that maybe I'm not really approved. Maybe I'm what the Dr's office calls "approved" but it's not finalized yet. Maybe I still am going to have to go to a psychologist and a nutritionist and diet for weeks or months before they will approve me. I'm eating all these bad things--cake and breads because I know that soon they'll be no-no's forever. HIGH ANXIETY for no good reason. I was sent the same letter the Dr's office was sent. It says flat out that I'm approved. Devil's thought indeed.

After those sleepy time thoughts, I had nightmares. My dreams are consistently the most vivid crazy dreams. It's not often I have nightmares either. There was this really punk ass kid in the warehouse I always dream about. Here's where I messed up: I went to the guy working with the boy and offered to help. The guy wanted to go get extra help so I agreed to watch the kid until they all returned. The punk was laughing when he turned to me (the way only punk ass kids can) and I saw his mouth WIDE open and his teeth were all filed down to a point. All of them and he'd done them himself. Now I knew he was an insane punk ass. From that point on, I was a wreck inside, determined to not show it to him. I had to start playing mind games with him to keep him under control. It was icky.

Monday, I'm calling the Dr's office so I can know that I am definitely approved. Only need to have money and scheduled date. I thought this was going to be easy once I was approved. It's making me as crazy as ever.

This next week will be long. I have a week until the Dr's appointment so that will be on my mind, and we facilitators are going to have to actually work and think. We'll be putting together workshops. It's difficult to not let the mind go at this point. Usually, when it's this close to summer, you get to relax the mind a bit. We'll see how it goes. It was our plan to do it this way and see if it works. This way, we only come back 2 weeks before teachers, instead of 3.

God is good, people!

2008-06-05T15:58:00.003-05:00

Money is the thing that stresses me out more than anything. Biggest trigger of anxiety for me. How I was going to get the rest of the move money and the surgery money and my parent's cruise money all together has been KILLING me. The only expense that is troubling is the surgery money. I've been praying, of course. When things are really bad, I feel as if (and actually visualize) that I'm clinging to God's robes and in His face with desperation while I'm talking with Him. That's the kind of prayer that's been going on. I know He has this figured out. I have just been asking Him to help me know how it will work.

I went home for lunch today. After my sandwich, I was sitting on the couch eating a mini-Mounds bar. All of a sudden, across my brain comes the thought, "You know you have that Metlife annuity account from when you worked at Allen." I froze (not dropping the candy mind you) and prayed, "Is that it God?" But I knew that was it! When I got back to work, I called Metlife. There's about $2,000 in the account. The office said that if I can get about $1500 dollars together, they though Dr. Fox would let me pay out the last of it. With $2,000, I can have this paid off by the end of August! God really does have the whole world in his hands. And hopefully that load will be a lot less on his hands because I'll be thin and healthy.

It was a carnival!

2008-06-04T10:46:00.003-05:00

Last night was a carnival at the house. The night before we'd noticed the air, which has always struggled, wasn't doing a thing but blow air. I made the call to our adopted brother, J.B., for help. He is Melissa's brother and he has manly man skills. He met me at the house after work and determined that things weren't well with the a/c. The refrigerant is leaking. Susan comes home with Kaitlin, then Susan's parents arrive with Maggie the lab puppy. Parental units in town because her mother needs a dress for some function. At this point, J.B. and I crack open a beer and he breaks the news to Susan. She cracks open a beer. The a/c men are phoned. The Holiday family goes out for dinner and is going to bring me and J.B. back food. We're staying waiting for the a/c guys. Have I mentioned that it's 89 degrees in the house? It is.

The a/c repairmen arrive and it's going to be $1700. They can pump enough regrig. to get us through the next couple of days, then they'll come back and replace the part. We can shut the windows (as if they were doing any good) and begin to cool down the house for the night.

There has been water in the kitchen. The kitchen baseboards are wet and occasionally there is a puddle near the dishwasher. J.B. had been over two weeks ago and found that it was not the dishwasher, but a leak in the wall behind the sink. He suggested Susan call in a professional. He didn't want to be the one responsible for tearing up the wall. Last night, Susan's father drags out the dishwasher to try to discover where the leak is. Susan is now on the phone with homeowner's insurance people about the water damage, Kaitlin is back and forth studying for finals and being quizzed on what she's studying, 3 dogs are all up in each other's business, J.B. and I are on our 3rd beer, Susan's dad is under the sink while J.B. holds the flashlight, Susan's mother is reading a magazine while I sit and sweat while holding the chew bone for Maggie and trying to get Sweet Emily to come sit in the fan before she dies from the heat. The insurance people said to go ahead and bust through the wall to try to make the leak better.

The boys bust through the wall underneath the cabinets under the sink. Once the insulation is removed, it is quite clear exactly where the leak is. It's a pretty good leak. You can hear it from across the room--water is on the move. We decided that we'd all get our showers and ready for bed, fill the tub with water to flush the commode with and brush our teeth so the water could be turned off for the night. Otherwise, there'd have been a mess! And that's just what we did. This morning, I washed my face and got ready with bottled water. I'm not sure when the plumber is coming, but I know the a/c boys will be back this afternoon. Poor Susan! When it rains it pours!

4:00 am

2008-06-03T12:11:00.002-05:00

I'm having trouble sleeping. No matter what medicine I take, I'm not sleeping well. It's no wonder, but that doesn't make it any more pleasant. So I was up at 4 am today. I'm squinty eyed and reading Eat, Pray, Love. While in Italy, the author learns that what I call "making the blah-blah," Italians call "fried air". LOVE that! I was so happy I now have this blog to write about it because that very second I wanted to phone my friends and tell them. I've learned that's not cool.

2008-05-31T22:54:00.002-05:00

Staring into the Reflecting Pool

2008-05-31T20:52:00.008-05:00

Susan and I had decided that we would go hit these two places on Hwy. 380 -- so off we went. We went to this rustic furniture outlet so I could look at barstools. Susan ends up buying a very expensive but beeeeeautiful sofa for "my" living room. She is now officially ready for me to get out. We also went to the rustic furniture place on Main street. She bought a bench there. Got a good deal on it. It was funny--went out to look at barstools. I came back with nothing. She dropped a wad of cash. :) OH! We also went to Frisco's new Farmer's Market that the Lion's Club puts on. We bought produce and fish for a good Sunday dinner. Also, fresh dog treats. Ol' Maggie is the brand. Emily loves-loves them. I love-love my Emily.

The reflection has begun. I'd put off thinking about this whole surgery thing until I knew I was approved. Life can disappoint--you understand. This afternoon, I watched this chick's vlogs (those are video blogs. that wasn't a typo) on Utube. It was 10 months of her going through the process. She is now only 10-15 pounds overweight and was talking about all these issues that I remember from when I'd just gotten thin the first time in my life--after Medifast. You see fat chicks and want them to somehow know you are one of them--that you understand. You no longer stick out in a crowd as the fat chick. You're another regular girl so you've lost a bit of your identity and are a bit lost. You can eat in public without feeling as if everyone is disgusted that you're eating. You're just a girl eating. I was regular size for enough years that the other weird things I don't think will come back--the anxiety about being attractive and the change in my personality. As this girl was discussing what she was feeling, I started to cry. I'm remembering that there is much more to a radical weight loss than fitting in cute clothes. You have to find a way to fit your brain into your new cute body and identity.

I went into Susan's room. She was getting ready for a birthday dinner. There I am crying and I say that I am getting upset. We talked about it and I think I'm going to have to see one of my very expensive and educated professional friends through this. I've heard there is some post-surgery depression because you've done something so radical to your life. Isn't it weird that doing something that makes positive change in virtually every part of your life can be so scary? It amazes me how complex we are. It should be simple: you're fat-get skinny-be happy.

What it all boils down to is that I want to be healthy. I've never in my life thought or said that until now. I guess because for the first time in my life I am unhealthy. So, I'm looking at the "hotness that I will become" as a bonus. If you want to check out the chick I watched on Utube this afternoon, her videos are here: http://www.youtube.com/user/thebandinme

Tonight's dinner: chicken pasta with breadsticks. Gonna be a lot of bread in the diet because there's none after they tag me. No tortillas either. I can't face that one yet. I'm going to have to pretend that I have an allergy. I guess foods that make you pucky (You may not know, but I like to call puke pucky) would count as that. That's a nasty allergic reaction I'd say. Might have to have a funeral for all the favorite breads I can't have. I smell a party theme! PERFECT.

Cleared for Take Off!

2008-05-30T20:57:00.002-05:00

And I'm talking about taking off weight! The call
came today that I am approved for the lap band surgery. They didn't make me jump through hoops at all! My maximum out of pocket would be $6000, but the lady told me it would probably be around $3000. My appointment to map it all out is on the 16th. My last day at work is the 13th, and then I'll go home and be with Daddy for father's day. I told the lady who phoned that right now I'm spending several thousand moving so money is tight. She thinks Dr. Fox will be okay with me putting maybe $1500 down and going from there. I'm so glad, otherwise it will be August before I have it. I still have the washer and dryer to buy and the moving expenses. When it rains good stuff, it pours!

If you're at work, put on the headphones.

2008-05-29T23:55:00.003-05:00

I was going to post this on my list of websites under my pic, but was afraid y'all would miss it. This was filmed by one of those kids you'd hate to have in class, but would really love the kid being there because he's so funny. Watch and you'll understand. Obviously, the mom is a hippie. Her kids drop F bombs on her. Only hippie mothers would allow this. Anyway--enjoy. http://www.guzer.com/videos/sister-busted-by-brother.php

This just can't be!

2008-05-29T11:45:00.002-05:00

Bill Murray's wife is leaving him because he drinks too much, smokes pot and goes abroad to have crazy, sexy time with other people. BUT IT'S BILL MURRAY, BITCH! Somebody slap her. I love him as much as I do Robert Downey Jr. These are crushes from when I was in high school and they stick more that way. I realize he is old, but I still love him. I wish he was on David Letterman every night. After some research, I discovered that there was a prenup but she is going to get $7 million when they divorce. Now I understand. A stoned, drunk, cheating, absent man can't compete with $7 million.

Mobaganda, brother!

2008-05-28T18:04:00.003-05:00

Sounds like a new country in Africa, doesn't it? (I hate Africa. Long story.) Anyway, www.mobaganda.com is the easiest way to invite people to an event and have them RSVP. WAY easier than Evites. I spend all day picking out backgrounds on Evite and really, I have better things to do. (Kinda) So, this mobaganda just launched today. There are only two format options: cute or cool. You RSVP right there and all is done. Check out this fake one I made
http://mobaganda.com/sarashousewarmingparty When I do have a real housewarming party, I'm using this. I'm cool like that.

Side note--if you read Cindy's comment about the beverage better than the Sassy Sara, she found the peach bitters. Focus and determination, friends. Admirable.

Worthy of Considering

2008-05-27T18:14:00.003-05:00

This guy on the dating site today writes me that he wants to be my slave. No kidding. He is all muscles and wants a big girl to boss him around. I'm considering it because of the move coming up and all. Who couldn't use a man around the house? He could walk the dog for me too. And I'd make him be quiet--he'd like that 'cause it's mean and bossy. Any thoughts on that?

Sassy Sara Martini

2008-05-27T18:00:00.002-05:00

Tillman's Roadhouse restaurant has it and here is the recipe--
SASSY SARA
1 ounce (2 tablespoons) Absolut vanilla vodka
1 ounce (2 tablespoons) pineapple rum
½ ounce (1 tablespoon) fresh lime juice (see note)
½ ounce (1 tablespoon) fresh lemon juice (see note)
1 ounce (2 tablespoons) simple syrup
2 slices red jalapeño pepper
Combine all ingredients and shake with ice. Strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with small slices of red jalapeño. Makes 1 serving. Sounds yummy!

Cindy and Alissa went on Friday. I declined because, as Cindy puts it, I'm being "conservative". You know for me to miss an excellent meal, conservative is an understatement. Anyway, they said it was good. I'd probably still like my margaritas better, but I'm open to trying a few to determine that.

Back to Work

2008-05-27T08:57:00.003-05:00

Let the countdown begin! I have 14 more days of work until summer. Yea summer! As you know, I am a hot blooded woman. Without moving cool air, I become agitated and unhappy. I don't think the air conditioner in Susan's house is working properly. It's hotter than usual. I can't make a move without a fan on me. I am leaving her house with 4 fans I did not own when I moved in there. 3 of which are large oscillating fans. You may think that it's because I'm fat. It's not. I was this way when I was skinny.

Speaking of a skinny Sara--I hope I hear about the surgery this week. Say a little prayer for that. Then say another one about $6,000 dropping into my bank account to finance it. It might make me poor, but I'd be looking great!

Tonight, I do a new student chat with Lamar. I'll have to miss Kaitlin's end of the year orchestra concert. Susan's parents are coming up for it. I think it's only an hour and it's only for the brand new to the program students. My fear is that I'm going to be asked something I can't answer. I've prepared a pat answer for that, of course.

There's a new book I want written by Chelsea Handler, a comedianne I like. The book is titled, "Are you there vodka, it's me Chelsea." A play on the old Judy Blume book, "Are you there God, it's me Margaret." I wish I'd thought of that title. I think it's perfection.

If you've not already checked out the video "Did you Know?" do. I've linked to it beneath my picture. The one with the green bird on my head, as mother says.

Never slept so much in my life...

2008-05-25T18:52:00.003-05:00

Thursday night, due to excitement from the move, I couldn't sleep. I took a zambian. Those are the non addictive pills that reunite you with the beaver and Abe Lincoln from your dreams. You're familiar, no doubt. I slept until 1:45 the next day. At 3:00 pm, I took a nap. So...they work and stuff. That night, I say to Susan that I'm not sure I'm going to be able to sleep. She gives me some of her new bronchitis wicked cough syrup. I was able to sleep and took another nap. So...cough syrup works too. I've spent my Memorial Day weekend not roasting hot dogs, but sleeping like an old person in the old folks home.

Saturday I did buy a nice bed to go with the new headboard. I took advantage of Sleep Experts mismatch sale. It's a pillow top bed but the pillow top is foam. I loved it. JB will take me in his truck to get it in the next two weeks. It's reason #403 I'm excited about moving into my own place. When I'm going ot sleep at night, I try so hard to rmeember everything I have in storage that I'll be decorating with or using. It's going to be like Christmas.

All I need/want now is a washer and dryer and this small leather chair that either $200 or $300, I can't remember. I'm going to put my big black chair in my bedroom since it's going to be all black and white. Small stuff is bathroom stuff for guest bath and bedding for guest bedroom. God Bless IKEA. I'm glad I have time to get it all and save money for the movers and move in fees.